"I don't want to." She stood straight and tall, free now from his grasp.
He hesitated a moment before dropping into a down-cushioned chair upholstered in a tapestry incorporating his princely arms. Looking up at her he said very softly, "I wish you would."
Lisaveta sighed. His harsh features were tranquil, his powerful body relaxed against the burgundy silk, his dark eyes intent on her. Alone in his inner sanctum, surrounded by his personal mementos-photos of the Tsar; framed portraits of his parents, himself; precious jeweled icons and cabinets of medals; dress swords and weaponry-he was charismatic, the warrior in repose, the savior of Russia in private, the most sought-after man in Europe, and he was asking her to sit and talk.
Perhaps she had too many principles when he had none, perhaps she would later rue her choices, perhaps she should simply say yes to his invitation-and perhaps if his fiancée were not down the hall she might. But Lisaveta resisted being classed with all the other women to whom he'd extended similar casual invitations. She would make her own choices. Not he.
"I can never thank you enough for saving my life," she said, beginning to pace slowly before him as though her movement added authority to her resistance.
A promising start, he thought, and relaxed further.
"And certainly I'll remember forever the pleasure of the past week."
The feeling was mutual, he reflected. The days with Lisaveta had been not only passionate beyond his usual lust but different in character because they spoke to each other, their conversation an easy exchange of ideas and feelings. He'd never talked with a woman like the Countess Lazaroff. She seemed very like a friend, but much better, he decided a moment later, because she was a lush and sensual woman, as well.
"You are quite frankly-" Lisaveta stopped and gazed at Stefan levelly "-much better than any erotic fantasy I could have imagined." She was beautifully straightforward, and more than her compliment he admired her candor. "However-" and she began pacing again "-I'm not inclined to continue our pleasant relationship under your fiancée's nose. I know this isn't a concern for you but it is for me. Let's just say-it was nice." She stopped before him again. "But let's be sensible."
He'd listened politely, neither moving nor interrupting while she expressed her feelings, only watching her silently as she moved across the thick Kuba carpet, his dark eyes drifting occasionally to her slippered feet crushing the luxurious pile. Hand loomed near his mountain home, the navy-and-russet carpet reminded him powerfully of childhood summers, of his favorite retreat…and of his wish to take Lisaveta there. "I don't want to be sensible," he said, unmoving still.
"And I'm not interested in what you want." Lisaveta stood utterly motionless, as though her explanation had clarified both her mind and her restlessness.
Stefan's voice was almost hushed when he answered. "Are you interested in what you want?"
She didn't pretend to misunderstand either his tone or his words. "Are you talking about sex? Why don't you just say it? DO you want to know if I want you?"
He shook his head, his first movement since he'd dropped into the chair, and even that response was minimal.
Her brows rose in brief surprise. "You don't?"
"I already know that. I was wondering if you were willing to acknowledge it."
His casual arrogance annoyed her. Prince Stefan Bariatinsky was much too confident. "I'm not afraid to acknowledge it. Surely after our leisurely trip north you're aware of my interest in your… assets."
He smiled faintly at her choice of words.
"I'm not, however, interested in the current triangle, which includes your fiancée."
"I had no idea Nadejda would be here." His voice was low and matter-of-fact. It wasn't an apology, only a statement.
Lisaveta grimaced. "But she is. And angry and resentful. With reason. I don't blame her."
"We could leave."
"No we couldn't," she protested. "No, I don't want to. No, I'm not open to other options to satisfy your salacious urges. No! Don't touch me!" she impassionedly finished as Stefan rose with a startling swiftness.
He stood very quietly for a moment as though her words had rebuffed him, and then he reached up to unbutton the collar hooks of his uniform tunic. The silver braided collar loosened and he pulled it away slightly from his tanned neck. "I won't if you don't want me to," he softly said, his hand dropping to his side.
"Good. I don't." She should have moved away then. It would have imparted more credulity to her declaration. But she didn't, and he took note of that omission.
"Do you know how much death and carnage I've seen in the past three months?" She didn't answer, and he continued, only his voice conveying his restlessness. "The Turks can skin a man alive," he quietly said. "It takes hours the way they do it. The screams are unearthly. You never forget them." He drew in a deep breath before continuing, and his voice dropped even further in volume. "They echo in your mind and make you break out in a cold sweat. They keep you awake at night, they make you pray to God you're never captured alive. They make you vow to die fighting. And you wonder at your courage, at your will to go on to another month of war, or two or six months, when you hardly sleep anymore, when you're afraid to shut your eyes because it could mean your death or, worse, your capture. When you haven't been clean in weeks and the food is grim or at best adequate. When you hear every day of another friend who's died. Thousands of Russian troops have died in assaulting Kars, and the only reason I'm on leave now is that replacements have to be brought up." His gaze surveyed the luxury of his surroundings as if to reassure himself he was safe from the black demons of the war and then came back to her.
"You helped me forget last week," he declared very simply. "You did for me, as well," Lisaveta replied.
"We helped each other then." He smiled his achingly beautiful smile. "And you reminded me there's goodness and laughter and love in the world."
"I know, Stefan," Lisaveta breathed, her voice almost inaudible, the quiet of the room surrounding them like silken solace. "I know what you're feeling. Life and living mean so much more to me now for haying almost died. But I won't…" she quietly added. "Please…" Her eyes were the color of warm sunsets and not pleading so much as patient. "Just thank you… I mean it truly. Thank you for everything."
She knew her feelings were becoming too involved with Russia's most exalted hero. He was so much more than his grand and valorous public image. She was drawn to his wit and intelligence as well as attracted to his harsh beauty, while his gentleness and expertise as a lover were pure perfection. She could never stay, so she must leave before her feelings were so deeply committed he would be forever in her heart. Her chin lifted a scant distance and her voice took on a new determination. "I'm going upstairs to rest before dinner and I intend to leave in the morning."
"You're sure?"
"I am."
He smiled. "And nothing I can say will change your mind?"
"Stefan," Lisaveta said, returning his smile, feeling more confident with her decision made, "you can have any woman in the Empire. You don't need me." Turning to go, she couldn't resist the obvious pointed barb. "Besides, Nadejda's here to entertain you."
It was not a pleasant thought. "Bitch," he whispered, the word ambiguously caressing.
Lisaveta grinned. "I couldn't resist. Forgive me." But her apology was lighthearted and unapologetic. "Until dinner, mon chou" she buoyantly said, feeling new strength in the rightness of her choice, and blowing him a smiling kiss, she left.
"Until tonight, mon chou" Stefan softly breathed. He'd make love to her then and convince her to stay, the best soldier in the Tsar's army vowed. And he'd never lost a campaign in his life.