“But you didn’t see her.”
“Not at first.”
“And when you did see her...?”
“Yes.”
“What happened after you saw her?”
“I... stabbed her.”
“How many times did you stab her?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Were you angry?”
“Sad.”
“Why were you sad?”
“She was dead.”
“You were sad that you’d killed her?”
“It was true.”
“What was true?”
“She was dead.”
“Had you thought it wasn’t true?”
“I was wishing... I kept wishing it was a mistake.”
“I don’t understand. You kept wishing what was a mistake?”
“That she was dead.”
“When did you realize it wasn’t a mistake?”
“Well, I saw her... she... when I saw her on the floor... with... the gown all torn... all slashed... and... her... her throat cut, I... I knew she was dead, I knew it was true, and I... I took her in my arms. I held her, I rocked her...”
“Why did you do that?”
“I was crying.”
“Was this after you realized she was dead?”
“Yes, after I realized.”
“Is that how you got the blood on your clothes?”
“Yes.”
“When you held your stepmother in your arms?”
“Yes. And my sister Emily. I held Emily in my arms, too.”
“Did you also embrace Eve?”
“No, Eve was... under the covers. I... just Emily. I just held Emily.”
“When was this?”
“I... I lifted her... she was on the floor inside the door.”
“Are we talking about Emily now?”
“Yes, Emily.”
“What was she wearing?”
“A short nightgown and... panties.”
“What color was the nightgown?”
“A pale blue.”
“Did it have sleeves?”
“No.”
“What color were the panties?”
“I don’t know.”
“What was Eve wearing?”
“I don’t know. She was under the covers.”
“But Emily wasn’t in bed?”
“No.”
“When did you go into the girls’ room?”
“Afterward.”
“After what?”
“After Maureen.”
“Why did you go into the girls’ room?”
“Maureen was dead, I wanted to...”
“Yes?”
“I went in to see the girls.”
“Were you still carrying the knife?”
“What?”
“The knife. Was it—”
“Yes.”
“Still in your hand?”
“Yes.”
“You still had the knife in your hand.”
“Yes, I... still had it.”
“So you went into the girls’ room with the knife in your hand.”
“Yes.”
“What did you do then?”
“I stabbed the girls, too.”
“Which of the girls did you stab first?”
“Emily. She was just inside the door.”
“She was out of bed, and was standing just inside the door, is that it?”
“She was... yes. Yes, that’s it.”
“Did you say anything to her?”
“No.”
“How many times did you stab her?”
“A lot. It had to be a lot.”
“Did she scream?”
“I don’t remember.”
“What did you do then?”
“I went to the bed where Eve was. Against the wall. And I... ah... I stabbed her, too.”
“Through the covers?”
“Through the covers.”
“Then what did you do?”
“I left the house.”
“You said you embraced your sister—”
“What?”
“Emily. You said you embraced—”
“Yes, that must have... that was... I guess after I stabbed Eve, I... on the way out of the room, I... Emily was on the floor just inside the door, I... held her, too, I... knelt down beside her and just... held her in my arms, and I suppose I was crying, I suppose I was still crying. Because it was all so goddamn sad, it was all so sad.”
“What did you do then? After you embraced Emily.”
“I put her gently... I lowered her gently to the... the floor again, and I left the house.”
“Through the front door?”
“No.”
“You did not leave the way you came in?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I had blood on my clothes.”
“How did you leave?”
“Through the door at the side of the house. I locked it behind me.”
“How?”
“I twisted the button on the doorknob.”
“All right, you went out through the side door and then where did you go? Can you describe your route?”
“I began walking west toward the beach.”
“Were you still carrying the knife?”
“I... don’t remember.”
“Where is that knife, can you tell me?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what happened to the knife?”
“No.”
“Did you leave it in the house?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Or throw it away someplace on the grounds?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Did you walk toward the bayou when you came out of the house?”
“No.”
“You didn’t go anywhere near the bayou?”
“No.”
“So you couldn’t have thrown the knife in the water there at the back of the house.”
“I don’t remember.”
“But you do remember that you didn’t go toward the bayou?”
“That’s right.”
“You left the house—”
“Yes. And came around the side of it, and began walking west on Jacaranda, toward the beach.”
“Did you still have the knife in your hand?”
“I guess so.”
“What did you do then?”
“There’s this property that belongs... it’s an access road to the beach, it belongs to the people who live in the development, a private access road. There’s a chain across the entrance to it, I climbed over the chain, and walked down through the pine forest—”
“Still carrying the knife?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Go on.”
“I came out on the beach, the access road leads directly to the beach...”
“Yes?”
“And I walked on the beach for a while.”
“Still carrying the knife?”
“Let me think.”
“Take your time.”
“I must have thrown it in the water.”
“In the Gulf?”
“Yes. While I was walking along, I threw it in the Gulf.”
“Then what?”
“I sat down and began crying. In a little while, I got up and walked back toward the pine forest. There’s a small gazebo just off the beach — the association had it built, there’s a table there and benches on either side of it. I climbed up on the table and stretched out with my hands behind my head. I was planning to sleep there, I guess. I hadn’t figured things out yet. I didn’t know what I was going to do.”
“About what, do you mean?”
“About... Maureen being dead. And the girls. I didn’t know whether to... to go to the police and tell them I’d done it, or... just see what happened. I didn’t want to go to the police, I was afraid they’d beat me up or...”
“But no one here has abused you physically or—”
“No, no.”
“Mentally.”
“No, everyone’s been... it’s just that you hear stories about the police. And this was... I thought they might have... you know... thought I’d... you know... done something to... Maureen.”
“What do you mean by ‘done something’?”
“Well, you know.”