A typical car-crash watcher, if ever there was one.
Maybe that’s why she was so bloody fascinated with me and Paul, Helen thought. What we laughably called our ‘relationship’. Yes, there was always plenty of advice and offers of help, but her sister always seemed to… relish it somehow. The fact that Helen needed those things. It made Jenny’s own perfect life that much more perfect, never mind the fact that she was actually neurotic as hell, or that the tedious tosser she was married to thought life began and ended with fishing and fixing up old cars.
Helen took a deep breath.
God, I am such a bitch, she thought. Jenny will be in pieces, and she and her perfectly nice husband will love my son if I don’t make it out of this, and I am such a bitch…
She turned to Stephen Mitchell and said, ‘Tell me about your wife.’
Mitchell opened his eyes and looked a little panic-stricken, as though it might be a trick question. They had spoken a little since he had come back from the toilet and Helen was relieved that he seemed to have settled down. To have become resigned to what was happening.
‘What’s her name?’
Akhtar had gone out into the shop ten minutes before. Helen could not hear him moving about. He was spending longer and longer out there, leaving her and Mitchell alone in the storeroom, and Helen imagined him sitting quietly behind the till. Trying to keep calm and explain to himself, or to his dead son perhaps, why things had gone as far as they had.
Why there could be no turning back from them.
He was alone out there, she thought, because he could not bear to look at what he had done.
‘She’s called Denise,’ Mitchell said. ‘She works in the same bank as me, only she’s out front and I’m sitting upstairs.’ He smiled, more easily than she had seen him do before. ‘Tied to a computer, playing with other people’s money. Your money, maybe.’
‘No money to play with,’ Helen said.
‘She’s pretty… fiery.’ He nodded, thinking. ‘Doesn’t take any crap, you know?’
‘Sounds like we’d get on. I can’t wait to meet her.’
‘Yeah, she’s definitely got a temper on her. Probably because she cares about stuff, well more than me anyway. Politics, animals… the environment, all that. She has a right go at me sometimes, says I should get more worked up about things… but I just like a quiet life, I suppose.’
‘Nothing wrong with that.’
‘Right.’ He raised an arm. ‘And look what I get.’
They laughed, and Helen thought, I hope he hears that. Out there in the semi-dark, staring at his shutters and thinking that nobody has ever felt pain the way he’s feeling it. Or hate. She wondered if she should show Akhtar some of the pictures in her bag, read him some of the witness statements from people whose children had been through a damn sight worse than prison.
They did not go out and buy guns. They did not do… this.
‘We were supposed to be going out tonight,’ Mitchell said. ‘You know, presuming I didn’t mess up my interview. Nothing flashy, just a decent steak or something and a nice bottle of wine. Steak for me anyway, she’s a vegetarian.’
‘I tried that a few years ago,’ Helen said. ‘Couldn’t live without bacon sandwiches.’
Mitchell nodded. ‘She likes a glass of wine, Denise does. Neither of us knows a thing about wine, mind you. Only what we like to drink. She says all that “what wine goes with what” and sniffing it and stuff is just about trying to look clever. She said that to one of the managers at the bank once, when he was banging on about some Chateau something-or-other he’d had with his hundred-pound lunch.’ He smiled again, remembering. ‘No, she’s definitely not shy about telling people what she thinks.’
‘That’s good.’
‘Plus, she’s seriously gorgeous.’ He swallowed hard. ‘You know?’ He was suddenly having to work harder to keep that smile in place. ‘So
… ’
‘How long have you been married?’ Helen asked.
‘Three years next month.’ His eyes widened. ‘I can’t believe it’s gone so fast.’
‘You got any kids?’
Mitchell shook his head. ‘We’ve been talking about it quite a lot lately though, trying to work out the best time and all that. I’d love it, you know? I mean we both would, but Denise wants to keep working for a little bit and she’s really brilliant at her job, so… ’
‘It’s not easy.’
‘ You have though, right? I heard you and him talking about it… before.’
‘Yes, I’ve got a little boy.’ Now she was the one struggling to keep the smile from slipping. ‘And trust me, if anyone ever picked the wrong time to have a baby it was me. So don’t worry about it.’
‘OK.’
Helen reached across, took Mitchell’s left hand in her right and squeezed.
‘Denise is out there waiting for you,’ she said. ‘So let’s just do what we have to, all right, Stephen?’ She waited until he looked at her, squeezed his hand again. ‘Make sure we get out of here so you can have that steak. And those kids.’
From Upper Street they walked west, crossing Liverpool Road and cutting through side streets until they came to Barnard Park. It had been here, between the football pitch and the adventure playground, that Lee Slater, Scott Clarkson and Daniel Armstrong had attacked Amin Akhtar and his friend a year before.
‘What was he doing all the way up here anyway?’ Kitson asked.
It had become obvious fairly quickly that Amin Akhtar was lying about where he had been on the evening he was attacked. At first he had tried to claim that the pub quiz he was supposed to have taken part in near his home had finished early, but later said that he and his friend had gone to a party. Neither could provide an address, however, claiming that they’d just heard about the party through someone else and gone along to see what it was like. Both boys had strict parents, so the subterfuge had seemed reasonable enough, and not particularly relevant to the inquiry. The salient fact remained that they had ended up in Islington, fighting for their lives on snow-covered ground in Barnard Park. Exactly how they had come to be almost ten miles from home, on the other side of London at 11.30 at night, was really only a matter for them and their parents.
‘Didn’t you ever lie to your mum and dad?’ Holland asked.
‘I suppose so, yeah.’
They walked towards the large playground decorated with brightly painted murals. There was a climbing area with high wooden walk-ways, rope bridges, a paddling pool. ‘I think Amin’s parents were pretty hard on him,’ Holland said. ‘So you can hardly blame him for telling porkies when he wanted to sneak off to a party. Probably some dope around or whatever.’
‘I certainly didn’t do any of that,’ Kitson said.
‘Different for boys, maybe.’
‘It was strictly underage sex and heroin for me.’
The drizzle had got no worse, so for a few minutes they watched a couple of kids clambering over an enormous wooden dragon, while the children’s mothers sat smoking on a bench nearby. Holland was impressed with the place and said he might try and come back with Chloe some time. He said that the play facilities near his place at Elephant and Castle left a lot to be desired, unless you enjoyed games of dodge-the-wino or thought playing with used syringes was educational.
‘North-south divide for you,’ Kitson said.
They walked out on to Copenhagen Street and, crossing the road to head back towards the car, they passed a large pub on the corner opposite the entrance to the park. Loud music spilled out on to the street, where a group of lads sat drinking at a table outside, seemingly oblivious to the drizzle.
A large sign in the window advertised various themed evenings. Thursday: Wild West Night (with rodeo bull!) Friday: Eighties Night! Saturday: Gay Night.
Kitson pointed to the sign. ‘Maybe you should bring Chloe down to the playground on a Saturday. You can always pop in here for a quick one while she’s playing. Maybe get a drink as well.’