Heinrich grimaced.
“We will, huh!”
“I’d hoped that we could avoid it, but it seems that we will have to cross the river again, close to the waterfall, and it’s fairly deep there.”
She had a panic fear of water… how it forced its way into you, filled you up, weighed you down, took away your air; how you fought and hit wildly, forgetting that you’d learned to swim. She really did not want to be here anymore; she didn’t want to go along…
She looked at Nathan.
No, she thought. You will never see me hysterical again.
They didn’t say anything. They hiked in silence. Then they arrived at the spot where they were going to cross the river. The water rushed and whirled in rapids, large tree trunks and branches floated along. A bit farther on, the water rushed down into a thundering waterfall which drowned all other noise and beat apart everything that washed down with it, beat it all to bits.
They had to go to the other side.
She felt strangely exhausted.
Madh had already gone to the other side. He was born here in the jungle, born and raised here. Nothing here was too difficult for him. He had tied a tough, clean rattan line over the river rapids; it went from shore to shore. Now Ben and the Orang-asli men stepped out into the river. They braced their feet and held on to the line. They were going to help them in the rapids, they were their stop blocks.
Nathan went first.
“Wish me luck!” he said, and pulled at the band under his hat. His eyes were large and happy.
“Here comes a Viking, and for a Swedish Viking, nothing is impossible!”
He stepped into the water and began to move forward single-mindedly. First it went fine, but then he slipped under the surface. Justine saw his joints, holding tightly to the line.
She clenched her fists so that the nails went into her palms.
Yes, she could see him again. He sneezed and shook his head;
then he made his way up the other side of the river bank. He stood there and waved his arms, hit his chest like Tarzan. The backpacks were sent over. The men in the water lifted them from to hand and Nathan stood on the other side and picked them up.
“Do you want to go now, Justine?” asked Ben. “Sure.”
She sat on the slippery slope and glided into the water. It was deep. She felt a block of stone under her toes. But the water drew at her legs and ripped them off the stone. Ben grabbed her hand, showed her how to hold the line. His mouth was stern.
“Whatever you do, don’t let go!”
She heard the thunder of the cataracts and the waterfall. “Now what?”
“Quiet! Use your toes to search for a foothold.” She took a step. The water rushed around her, wanting to pull her down. She tried to make herself as heavy as possible.
She saw Martina on the shore; she was on her knees with her damned camera. I hope she falls with it into the water; I hope she drops it and it disappears down into the cataracts. One more step. A man was next to her; she crept under his arms. The water rushing past, one more step. Hold tight to the line. Now she was approaching the middle.
“Great, Justine!” called Nathan.
She felt the beat of her heart.
Right at the spot he’d fallen, she fell, too. It was a peculiar spot, where it was too far to reach the bottom. Her head was underwater, white and green whirls, her hands gripping tightly to the rope. The water attacked her, ripped and pulled her; she felt its power. With a violent effort, she moved her right hand farther along and let the left hand follow. Her right hand found a stone and she climbed on it and held fast.
“Just a little more, Justine. You’re almost there!” She took a deep breath; there was another arm to creep under, one more second of respite. Then out again, and through the last bit. Nathan reached for her. She got up, and the water streamed from her clothes.
“I did it!” she panted.
“You sure did!” he answered, but then turned for the next one.
When evening came, they made camp next to a wide and stony riverbank. The native men began at once to collect twigs and light fires.
Martina was changing film.
“They’re lighting fires so that the animals won’t come,” she said. “The big mammals. The elephants come here to drink; we found their droppings over there, a few piles.”
“Do we have to be in the middle of their private area?” said Steinn. “That’s not very thoughtful toward the elephants. We can be anywhere in the jungle.”
“We can’t go any farther. Darkness is falling,” said Ben.
They helped each other tie up the plastic shelters. Madh stepped out into the river with his fish net. Then Justine remembered the wild pig.
“What about that pig we shot?” she asked.
“He gave it to his family. They have six small children.”
“Where is his family?”
“Somewhere here in the jungle.”
Martina took her towel and a plastic bag with soap and shampoo.
“I’m going to wash off all this shit. What about you, girls? Let’s take a ladies’ bath together.”
They found a small inlet where the water had made a lagoon. Justine had taken her swimsuit with her. Katrine and Martina slid into the water naked; they were as slippery and shiny as animals.
“Oh, if only I could live like this all the time! I wish I belonged to a tribe,” said Martina as she poured shampoo into her cupped hand. “Away from civilization and all its demands; return completely to nature.”
“Don’t you already live like that?” said Katrine. “All your world travels and the like.”
“Well, yes, in a manner of speaking. I’m never going to work nine to five. I can’t settle down anywhere. I’m looking for something new all the time. New experiences, new people.”
“Stephan and I have also traveled quite a bit. But once we get home this time, we’re going to get married and have some kids.”
“We’re planning that, too,” Justine said. “Getting married, having some kids.”
Martina was already climbing out of the water. A leaf had attached itself to her stomach, right over her black field of hair.
She wrapped the towel around herself.
“You and Nathan?”
“Yes.”
“I thought that he wasn’t going to tie himself down any more.”
Justine’s throat burned.
“What would you know about it?”
“Nothing. That’s just what I was picking up on.”
Morning came again. Heinrich had given her a sleeping pill. She had fallen asleep immediately. During the night, she awakened a few times, and thought about the elephants, half dozing. At one point, she thought she heard the trumpet of an elephant from a distance. When she saw that there still was smoke from the fire, she fell asleep again.
They ate fish and rice. Nathan was sun-tanned; his eyes were two blue stones. He looked at her with those eyes. He said, “We’re going to see the elephants.”
A thud against her ear, like an ache.
“Why?”
“Martina is going to take pictures of them. Jeda and I are going, too.”
“Who’s Jeda?”
“He’s the one in the green shirt.”
He had gotten up, the golden hair on his legs. He said,
“Martina and I are going with Jeda. He’s going to show us the elephants. We can’t all go, or we’ll scare them away.” The words pierced her, exploded.
Martina was ready to go, her camera hanging over her shoulder.
They were gone until the middle of the afternoon. When she saw them appear again from between the trees, she knew everything was over.
A blast of cold went from the roundness of her heels, through the bones of her pelvis, her chest and right into her heart.
She could no longer speak.
She waited. Something was going on with her skin, as if it were shrinking. A throbbing pain in her head, as if something was clamped too tightly.
Nathan was walking along the riverbank in order to find a spot to piss.
No one saw her take Madh’s blow pipe. No one saw her follow him, follow Nathan.