His manner changed slightly. He seemed to draw himself up and his face stiffened.
“That,” he said, “was different.”
“She was drowned, too.”
“It wasn’t the same. Dorabella…she was everything.”
“Annette…”
“I don’t talk about that much. But this…I know you cared about her …as I did. She was very close to you, wasn’t she? I was afraid, always afraid that I was going to lose her. Oh, not like this. I thought I shouldn’t be enough for her. She would find someone else. Sometimes…”
“She was your wife, Dermot.”
“I know, but…”
“I don’t understand,” I said. He frowned and I went on: “Tell me…”
“Well, she was not the sort to go on with something just because she was expected to. She had no respect for conventional behavior. She always wanted to break free from it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
He was silent and I could see he wished he had not said what he had.
He said: “Annette…she was fun. Jolly, good-hearted. But for the child, it would never have been. With Dorabella it was different.”
“I understand.”
“I can’t settle to anything. It all seems blank and not worthwhile. I leave everything to Gordon…more than ever.”
“Well, you always have, haven’t you?”
“Yes. He’s so capable. He makes me feel…inefficient. I was taking more interest when Tristan came. You see, in time, this will all be his…first mine, of course. But Gordon will always be there. But now this has happened, I just don’t care about anything.”
“But there is Tristan to think of.”
He just sat there, staring out to sea.
“I’m glad you’re here, Violetta. I’m glad you’re with the baby.”
“It was her wish, you know.”
“I know. Nanny is good, but she is getting old now. It is better for the baby to have someone young, and you…you’ll be like his own mother. You will stay here, won’t you?”
I said: “Everything is so uncertain at the moment. I suppose it would be better really if I went to Caddington, taking Tristan and Nanny Crabtree with me.”
“My father is against that.”
“I know. He has made it clear. Well, it is all too soon. We’ll see how it works out.”
I sat with him a little longer and we looked out to sea and thought of Dorabella.
Nanny Crabtree was faintly perturbed.
“Tristan’s got a little sniffle. Not much, but I don’t like it and I’m keeping him in today.”
“I’ll come up and see him,” I said.
He was lying in his cot, whimpering a little.
I went over and picked him up. That satisfied him for a few minutes. He had an endearing habit of gripping my finger and holding on to it tightly, as though determined not to let me go.
“He looks a little flushed,” I said.
“A bit,” she replied. “He just wants to be kept warm, that’s all.”
At midday there was a letter from Richard.
He had written, “Dearest Violetta,”
I am arriving on Thursday. I have discovered there is a hotel in Poldown…West Poldown. It’s a place called Black Rock Hotel. I have booked a room and shall be staying for a few days. I have Tregarland’s number and I’ll give you a call as soon as I arrive. There is so much to talk about.
See you soon.
All my love,
Richard
Thursday, and it was Wednesday today!
My feelings were mixed. I wanted to see him, of course, but he would try to persuade me to leave Cornwall, and that was something I could not consider, at least not yet.
Well, I should hear what he had to say and I would make him understand that I had promised Dorabella to take her place with her son and that it had been a sacred promise which I must keep at all costs.
He was reasonable. He would see that.
I thought about him all the afternoon, recalling what a pleasant time we had had in London, and I was definitely looking forward to seeing him again.
The first thing I did next morning was to go to the nursery to see Tristan.
“Still sniffling,” said Nanny Crabtree. “So it is another day indoors for you, my lord.”
In the late afternoon there was a call from Richard. He had just arrived at Black Rock Hotel. He wanted me to have dinner with him that night. Could I come to the hotel or should he come to me? If I came to the hotel we could be alone together. He had ascertained that he could get a car at the hotel and come and pick me up.
We arranged that he should do this.
I told Matilda that he was coming. She seemed rather pleased. She said it would do me good to see him.
She was very friendly when he arrived. Gordon happened to be there and they were introduced; and after a short time I went back with him to Black Rock Hotel.
It was a pleasant place with a lounge overlooking the sea. The black rock, from which the hotel took its name, was very much in evidence and Richard and I sat in the lounge looking out on it.
“You will be coming home soon,” Richard was saying.
“I don’t know what is going to happen. We’re just drifting along at the moment.”
“I know. It was such a terrible shock.”
“Then there is the baby.”
“I understand that he has an excellent nanny.”
“Yes, but it is not the same, is it?”
“Isn’t it?”
“Oh, no. He has lost his mother…and he looks to me, I know.”
“Oh, I am sure he is too young to miss her.”
“In a way. But somehow…I think he needs me.”
Richard looked faintly disbelieving.
“Perhaps it is difficult for you to understand,” I began.
“Oh, no…no,” he said. “I understand perfectly how you feel. All this was so sudden, so absolutely shattering. You can’t really sort things out at first. I have been talking to your mother.”
“What did you say to her?”
“It was she who thought you should leave Cornwall and come home. She thought they might see reason down here and let the baby come with you. She said that would be by far the best for everybody, and she reckons that is what it will come to eventually.”
“I don’t know.”
“It would be the best surely. If you made up your mind…about us…well, it would only be natural that your mother should take the child.”
“He belongs down here, you see. One day he will inherit everything. His grandfather wants him to be brought up here.”
“Your mother tells me that the grandfather is rather an odd character, and she wonders if he is resisting in order to be perverse. She says she is sure that at heart he is quite indifferent about the whole matter.”
“There is, of course, Tristan’s father to be considered.”
“He’s rather a weak person, according to your mother. He goes where he’s put.”
“That’s not entirely true. But at the moment he is suffering deeply from a terrible shock.”
“Of course. But that’s enough of these people. What about you? Tell me…have you thought any more…about us?”
“I haven’t been able to think about anything but all this.”
“You’ll get over it…and then…”
“Dorabella had been with me all my life until she married. And now she’s gone, I can’t believe it. I can’t think about anything else.”
He looked crestfallen, and I fancied just a little impatient.
“I’m sorry, Richard,” I said. “It’s just impossible for me to see very far ahead.”
“I understand,” he said soothingly. “Let me tell you what is happening in London. My mother was hoping you’d come up and stay for a while. There are a lot of things she wants to show you about the house.”