“Oh,” I said faintly.
“As for Mary Grace, she is already very fond of you.”
“Did she do that portrait?”
“Yes, and it was much admired. There are two more people clamoring for her work. You see what you have already done for the family. Oh, Violetta, it can be so good, I know it can. Please, please, do think about it. I am so sure it is the right thing.”
But I was not. It was reasonable, of course, for him to think that my mother should care for the baby, but he simply did not understand. I was glad to see him, of course. But somehow it was not quite as it had seemed in London.
He told me he could stay for only two more days. He just had to be back in London by Monday and would have to leave on Sunday. It was a pity it was such a long journey.
“I’ll come down again soon,” he said. “Give me a ring when you have made up your mind. I shall be waiting for it.”
I felt that he was taking too much for granted. He could not understand my uncertainty. He seemed so sure that I was going to marry him.
I wished that I could want to. He did not seem to realize that what had happened had made me unable to make any plans. My mind was still with Dorabella. If she had died naturally, would it have been different? But I could not rid myself of the strange feeling that she was not dead, because I had not seen that she was.
It was an unsatisfactory evening and I was not sorry when the time came to drive back to Tregarland’s.
The next morning early, Nanny Crabtree came to me in some anxiety.
“I want the doctor to come and look at Tristan,” she said. “I don’t like that cold of his.”
“Why, Nanny, is he worse?”
“He’s wheezing. He’s past the sniffle stage. And now it seems to be getting onto his chest. I’d just like the doctor to see him.”
“We’ll send for him right away. I’ll give him a ring.”
She nodded. “Well, it will set our minds at rest.”
I went to see Tristan. He looked pale and lay in his cot with his eyes closed. He was certainly not his usual self, and I wanted to be there when the doctor came.
I telephoned Richard, for I had arranged for him to pick me up at ten o’clock. I was going to take him for a tour of the countryside, lunch out, and return about four, when he would drop me at Tregarland’s and collect me to take me back to the hotel for dinner.
I said that after the doctor had been here, I would call him and we would meet later.
The doctor did not arrive until eleven o’clock. He apologized for being so long. One of his patients was about to give birth and he had been delayed with her.
He examined Tristan.
“Rather a nasty chill,” he said. “Just keep him away from draughts. He should be all right in a day or so.”
Matilda, who was present, said: “Nanny Crabtree will look after him, I know.”
“That I will,” declared Nanny Crabtree.
“You know how it is with children,” said the doctor. “They are up and down. We want to make sure that it doesn’t settle on his chest. Wrap him up warm…coddle him a bit. He’ll be fine in a day or two.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” said Nanny Crabtree.
When the doctor had gone, Matilda said to me: “What about your friend?”
“I postponed our time of meeting. I will ring him now.”
“It is nearly lunchtime. Why don’t you ask him to have it with us?”
I telephoned Richard and gave him Matilda’s invitation. He accepted, but I sensed he was not very pleased. I was learning something about Richard. He hated his plans to be disrupted.
He came. It was quite a pleasant lunch. Dermot was not present. He could not face meeting people. Gordon was there and he and Richard got on well together.
By the time lunch was over, it was nearly half past two and there would not be much time for us to drive far, so we decided to sit in the gardens.
It was very pleasant there with the house behind us and the sea facing us. Paths wound down to the private beach. I could never look at that beach without imagining Dorabella down there…taking off her robe and putting it with her shoes at the top of the rock which protruded from the water so that they would not be carried out to sea.
It was not really a very satisfactory day. Richard was certainly a little put out because of the disruption to our plans, which I sensed he felt had not been necessary. The child had a cold and for that reason his brief stay here had been spoiled. He was very charming though and talked of what was going on in London. We spoke of Edward and Gretchen and the plays he had recently seen. I think he was trying to make me see what a rewarding life I should have with him. He spoke of his work and the case he was now working on. His client was accused of fraud and he was beginning to doubt his innocence.
“What happens when you are trying to convince the jury of something you don’t altogether believe in yourself?” I asked.
“What I have to think of is the best thing for him if he is found guilty.”
“You must learn a great deal about human nature,” I said.
“Yes…perhaps.”
We talked of the situation in Europe, which he said was becoming more and more depressing. He did not know where it was going to end. It had been a mistake for England and France to give way over Austria. It would not stop there. There was going to be trouble in Czechoslovakia next. Hitler was instructing Konrad Henlein to agitate there.
“Henlein is the leader of the German minority there, and he is arranging demonstrations by the Sudeten Germans. Of course, Hitler’s next plan will be the annexation of Czechoslovakia. There is an uneasy feeling everywhere.”
“What do you think will happen?”
“The fact is, there is a growing fear of war. Hitler will take Czechoslovakia. People here say, ‘It is a long way off. What is it to do with us?’ They can’t see any farther than their noses. All they can do is bury their heads in the sand. They call those who see the danger ahead ‘war mongers.’ We should be arming. Chamberlain knows it. I believe he is abandoning his policy of appeasement. He wants us to arm ourselves as quickly as we can.”
“Do you think there will be a war?”
“It’s a possibility. And we should be unprepared if it happened now. Even so, there are those who vote against arming ourselves. The Labour Party, the Liberals, and a few Conservatives will vote against it…and then…”
“You paint a gloomy picture, Richard.”
“Yes, I’m sorry. But the way we are going, it does seem grim. They can’t really think that Hitler will be satisfied with Austria. He’ll soon have Czechoslovakia. Then he will try for Poland, and after that…what? It is the people who scream for peace who make the wars.”
“Let us hope it never happens.”
“None of these catastrophes would happen if people would only show a little foresight.”
“Do you think something can be done now?”
“It’s getting late. But if we and the French and the rest of the world stood together, that could be the end of Hitler’s search for Lebensraum.”
I said: “I think of Gretchen.”
“Yes, poor girl. I know she is very anxious indeed.”
“I am glad she is here with Edward.”
“She thinks of her family and her country.”
“Isn’t it sad to contemplate what can happen to people?”
I was looking down at the beach and in my imagination she was there, throwing off her robe, running into the sea.
No, no, I thought. I cannot believe it of Dorabella. There would be a chill in that sea…most people did not bathe until May at least. Dorabella had liked comfort. She was inclined to be lazy. I did not believe it. I could not.
I was aware of Richard beside me. “Don’t think I am not interested in what you are saying,” I murmured. “It’s just that I can’t stop thinking of Dorabella.”