“I hope so,” he said simply.
“I worry about my father and brothers,” she admitted to him.
“They'll be all right. We all will.” Talking to him made her feel so much better. He sat with her for a long time and then finally he got up to leave. She looked tired again, and he had to get home. He couldn't avoid it forever. “I'll see you tomorrow,” he promised her when he left, and she listened to his sled disappear into the darkness.
She was thinking about the things he had said about his wife, and the fact that he hadn't looked happy when he said them. He seemed to be trapped in a difficult situation, and she couldn't help wondering if there was anything he could do to improve it. Perhaps insist that his wife learn Russian, or travel back to England with her from time to time. It shocked her that she didn't seem to want to share his alliance with the Imperial family. It was hard to understand his wife's reactions. And then she found herself wondering if he was being unnecessarily gloomy about it. Maybe he was just tired, she thought to herself, as she lay in bed, thinking about him. The war was depressing everyone these days. Perhaps his comments about his wife were born of that, and other worries he hadn't mentioned.
It never occurred to her for an instant that he might want more from her, or have an interest in her other than as her doctor. He was married, after all, and he had a family. And even if he had some complaints about his wife, surely it wasn't as bad as it sounded. To Danina, looking at the world through the tiniest of telescopes, from her small world at the ballet, it all seemed very simple to her, and marriage was sacred. She was sure he was happier with Marie than he appeared or admitted.
For the next two weeks, he never mentioned his wife again when he came to visit her. She was able to dine at the table now, and on a sunny afternoon in January, he took her for a short walk in her garden. The air felt invigorating, and she was laughing with him, and teasing him about the fact that he took life so seriously. He had lent her volumes of poetry by then, and she had already read four of his favorite novels. And that afternoon when Alexei came to tea, Nikolai stayed and joined them. They played cards afterward, and Alexei won, much to his utter delight, and he squealed with glee when Danina accused him of cheating.
“I did not!” he said staunchly. “You played very badly, Danina.” He said it matter-of-factly and she pretended to look outraged.
“How dare you! I played brilliantly. I'm convinced that you cheated.” Nikolai was enjoying watching them, and the good spirits between them.
“I did not cheat, and if you accuse me of it, when I'm Czar, I will remember it and have you beheaded.”
“I don't think anyone does that anymore.” Danina turned to Nikolai. “Do they?”
“If I want to, I will,” Alexei announced, looking enchanted by the prospect. “And maybe I'll have your feet chopped off too, so you can't dance anymore, and your hands, so you can't play cards.”
“I don't think I'll be able to do any of those things if you behead me, anyway. I think that ought to do it.” Danina was smiling as she said it.
“Well, just in case, I'll chop off the rest.” The prospect, to him, was deliciously gory. And then, out of the blue, he looked at her with interest. “Can I come and watch you dance one day in St. Petersburg? When you go back, I mean. I'd really like that.”
“So would I,” she said warmly.
“But I don't want you to go back for a long time. So not too soon,” and then he remembered. “My mother said to ask you if you are well enough to come to dinner.” He turned to Nikolai then. “Is she?”
“Maybe next week. It's a little soon still.” She had only been there for two weeks, and was still somewhat unsteady on her feet, and tired quickly.
“I didn't bring anything to wear,” she lamented.
“You can wear your nightgown,” he said practically. “I'm sure no one will notice.”
“How embarrassing.” She laughed at the thought, but she really didn't have anything to wear for a dinner with the Imperial family.
“I'm sure one of the girls could lend you something,” Alexei said politely. She was roughly the same size they were.
“Will you be there?” Danina asked Nikolai innocently, hoping he would be. She was so comfortable with him, it would be easier for her if he would be. Dining with the Imperial family still sounded more than a little daunting to her.
“Probably,” he said, smiling at her. “I haven't heard anything about it yet, but if I'm on duty that night, I'll be there.” And he knew that even if they hadn't planned to include him, he could arrange it by adjusting the schedule so he would be on duty. Both physicians were pretty flexible about their schedules, and his colleague had more reason to go home at night than Nikolai, and was happy to let Nikolai work in the evenings.
Nikolai took Alexei back to the palace eventually, and Danina went to have a nap. And when she woke up, she was surprised to see Nikolai standing there in her bedroom, watching her, and he was frowning.
“Is something wrong?” She wondered if something had happened, there was a look in his eyes that worried her, but she didn't know what it meant. And he wasn't sure how to say it.
“I just wanted to check on you. I was worried that you walked too much this afternoon, considering it was your first time in the garden.”
“I'm fine,” she said, sitting up and looking at him. She was dying for some exercise, but she knew she wasn't up to it yet. It was very frustrating, and she wondered how long it would take to train herself again when she went back to the ballet. She was afraid that all of her muscles and ligaments would forget that she was a dancer. “I just slept for two hours. It was fun playing cards with Alexei.”
“He does cheat, by the way. He always beats me,” Nikolai said with a broad grin. “You had him pegged completely. And he loved it. He talked all the way home about beheading you, and how messy it would be, and how much he's going to enjoy it.”
“I'm not sure that's very imperial behavior.” She grinned at Nikolai, enjoying seeing him again, and wondering if he was on his way to dinner. She asked, and he said he was. It was his night on duty at the palace.
“I'll try and come over afterward, but it might be late, and I think you're probably tired today, after your walk in the garden.” And as he said it, the nurse brought in her tray for dinner. She was making a very good recovery. She'd had a letter from Madame Markova that afternoon, who had told her not to rush back to the ballet. But she still felt incredibly guilty not to be dancing.
Madame Markova had given her all the news, and told her as well that one of the other girls had come down with influenza, but fortunately a mild case. She'd only been sick for two days and never even had a fever. She'd been far luckier than Danina.
The doctor lingered for a while, chatting with her, and then reluctantly left her for dinner at the palace. And as she sat quietly in bed, sipping her tea, she thought about him. He was a gentle man, with a warm, kind spirit, and she was grateful for his friendship. Were it not for him, and his intercession for her, she would not even have been there, in the guest cottage of the Czar, living in luxury, being pampered by servants and nurses. It was extraordinary to think how kind they had all been, and how lucky she was not only to have survived, but to be there.
He didn't come to see her again that night, and she assumed it must have been late when they finished dinner. Or perhaps Alexei wasn't well, or Nikolai had simply needed to be attentive to the family he so diligently worked for. She lay in bed reading one of the books he'd given her, and stayed up late to finish it. And she had just finished getting dressed when he appeared at the cottage the next morning, to inquire about his patient.