“Because I'm a better dancer than they are.”
He smiled broadly as she said it. “And certainly more modest,” he teased. “But you're right. You are a better dancer, but that's still not a reason to give your life up for it.”
“Ballet is more than just dancing, Nikolai. It is a way of life, a spirit, a part of your soul, a religion.”
“You're crazy, Danina Petroskova, but I love you.” The words had just slipped out, and he glanced up at her in terror, but she said nothing. She knew it had been a mistake, an accident, and she decided to ignore it.
It had stopped snowing again by then, after nearly two days of heavy snowfall, and they walked out into her garden, and a moment later, she began pelting him with snowballs. He loved being with her so much more than he could tell her, he loved her childlike spirit, coupled with her great intensity, and devotion to all that she believed in. She was an extraordinary young woman. And by the time he left her that afternoon, to go home and change after his night with his young charge, they were feeling relaxed and at ease with each other again. The cloud that had hung over them for the past few days seemed to have dispelled to a tolerable degree, and they were both confident that they could live with the restrictions Danina had imposed on them. And at the end of another week, they were completely comfortable again with their arrangement.
Nikolai came to see her at least twice a day, and whenever possible, even more often. He frequently had lunch or dinner with her, and sometimes arrived early enough to spend breakfast with her. The weather had been severe that month, and they stayed inside most of the time, but by the end of January it was slowly getting better. As was her health. She was making steady progress in her recovery, but she was still a long way from returning to the ballet, and Danina didn't push it. She had originally begged Madame Markova to only stay a month, but it had always been Nikolai's recommendation that she stay until March or April. And when she wrote to Madame Markova again, she told her that she had agreed to it. It was exactly what she needed. And Madame Markova was relieved to hear it. As was the Czarina. They loved having her with them.
The Grand Duchesses came to tea whenever they could and weren't busy with their nursing or their lessons. And Alexei loved playing cards with her. She seemed a perfect addition to the family, as far as he was concerned. And it was Alexei who announced that she had to come to his parents' ball on the first of February, it was the first one they had given in ages. The Czarina had been feeling so sorry for her daughters having had no fun in so long, and no break in their nursing, that she had convinced her husband that a ball would lift everyone's spirits. And after telling Danina about it, he informed his mother that he wanted her invited.
The Czarina said there wasn't anything she'd like better, and without waiting for an answer from Danina, she sent a number of gowns over for her to try, just as she had for their far less formal dinner. But the gowns she sent this time were truly spectacular, and Danina was overwhelmed when she saw them.
There were satins and silks, and velvets and brocades, they were fit for a queen, or for a Czarina, and Danina was almost embarrassed to wear them. She chose a white satin finally, with a gold brocade bustier, which cinched her tiny waist in so tightly that she looked like a fairy queen more than just a ballerina. She looked, as Alexei said, when she tried it on for him, like a fairy princess. Nikolai had not yet seen it, but had heard all about it. And the white satin cape which went with it was lined in the same gold brocade as the bustier, and trimmed in ermine. It was indeed very regal, and with Danina's dark hair she looked more striking than ever. In some ways, it felt like a costume to her, but it was more beautiful than any she had seen or worn, or even dreamed of. And Nikolai was pleased to hear that she was going. As he had before, he cautioned her not to exhaust herself, and to leave as soon as she was tired. But he had no objection to her attending the Czar's ball, and offered to take her there himself, as he had to their dinner.
The ball itself was an unusual event these days. The Imperial family had canceled all formal social occasions due to the war, with the exception of this one. And there was no way of knowing when they would give another. The Czar was coming home from the front for it, and everyone was happy he was going to be there.
“Won't your wife come at least to this one?” Danina asked Nikolai cautiously when they spoke of it the day before the ball, but he shook his head and looked annoyed. At one time he would have told Marie how rude it was of her to refuse their invitation, but this time he really didn't mind, for reasons that were obvious to Danina. She had already told herself that she would dance with him once or twice, if he asked her, but it would mean nothing. The revelation that had been made to her two weeks before seemed to have receded into the mists since then. They were once again just friends, and nothing more alarming.
“Of course not,” was all Nikolai said in answer to her question. “She detests balls … or anything that does not involve horses.” And then he changed the subject, and he smiled when he said that Alexei had said she looked “pretty good” in the dress his mother had lent her. But “pretty good” did not in anyway prepare Nikolai for the way Danina looked when she emerged from her bedroom in the white satin and gold brocade gown trimmed in ermine. She looked like a young queen, with her hair piled on her head in a little crown of loose curls, and the pearl earrings that were the only thing she had of her mother's. She was glad she had thought to bring them with her.
She took Nikolai's breath away, as he looked at her, and for a long moment he said nothing. There were tears in his eyes, and he only prayed she would not see them.
“Do I look all right?” she asked nervously, as she would have to one of her brothers.
“I don't even know what to tell you. I have never seen anyone look as beautiful as you do.”
“You're silly,” she smiled shyly at him, “but thank you. It's a lovely dress, isn't it?”
“On you, it is.” Her waist was the size of a small child's, her bosom revealed just enough, without being vulgar or offensive. Nothing about her could have offended, and in his tails, he seemed the perfect escort for her as he led her off to the party at the Catherine Palace. The Catherine Palace was on the grounds of Tsarskoe Selo as well. It was far grander and more ornate than the Alexander Palace, where they lived. And the Czarina preferred to use it only for state occasions, although at the moment, part of it was being used to nurse the wounded soldiers. The palace had been redone by Catherine the Great, and was originally designed by Rostrelli, and the brilliant gold roof made it look extremely formal and opulent as they approached it.
But even among all the glittering gowns and jewels and visiting royalty, Danina caused a noticeable sensation. Everyone wanted to know who she was, where she was from, and where she had been hiding. And several dashing young noblemen were convinced she was a princess. Her regal bearing and the graceful way she moved caught everyone's attention. And as soon as she saw her, Danina was quick to thank the Czarina discreetly for the dress she was wearing.
“You must keep the gown, my dear. None of us will ever be able to wear it as you do.” And Danina could see instantly that she meant it, and was even more touched by her continuing generosity and kindness.
The dinner for four hundred guests was in the Silver Room. The gentlemen withdrew for a short while after that to the famous Amber Room, and then the entire party moved into the Great Gallery for dancing. It was an exquisite evening. And Danina had more energy than she'd had since she'd been ill. She was excited just to be there. It was a night she wanted to remember, in every impeccable detail, forever.