“No, Madame,” she said, taking the older woman completely by surprise. But she sounded like a grown woman now, and no longer an obedient child.
“You will not go?” Madame Mark ova looked stunned. The battle was won then, and a slow smile began to dawn in her eyes for the first time since Danina had returned to them. Danina had been a traitor in her eyes since April. “You do not wish to see him?” It was music to her ears, the war had been won more easily than she had dared to hope.
“No. I wish to go alone. You have no reason to come with me. I do not need a chaperone, Madame, although I appreciate your offer to join me. I am quite comfortable with the Imperial family now, and I believe they wish me to come alone.” In fact, there had been no mention of Madame Markova in the invitation, and they both knew it.
“I will not let you go without me,” Madame Markova said with blazing eyes.
“Then I will explain to the Czar that I am not able to follow his orders.” Danina faced her off with a look of determination Madame Markova had never previously seen in her, and she was more displeased than ever, as the smile faded from her face, and she stood up with a look of ice.
“Very well then. You may go for one month. But I will not promise you that you will still be a prima when we open with Giselle in September. Think about it carefully, Danina, before you take that risk.”
“I have nothing to think about, Madame. If that is your decision, I will abide by it.” But they both also knew that she was dancing better than ever. She had regained all her old strength and skill, and even added some new and far more difficult techniques to it. She had blended maturity with discipline and talent, and the results of her work and growth could not be ignored.
“We begin rehearsals on September first, as you know. Be here on the last day of August,” was all Madame Markova said to her and then she stormed out of the office, leaving Danina alone.
Two weeks later, Danina was on the train, un-chaperoned, on her way to Livadia, contemplating the friend she had lost in her mentor. She knew for certain now that Madame Markova would never forgive her for her betrayal of the ballet. She had never spoken a single word to Danina before she left, and purposely avoided her when Danina went to say good-bye to her. The friendship between them was over, and only because she was in love with Nikolai. But Danina would do nothing to lose him, or an opportunity to be with him. Nothing was more important to her than that. Not even the ballet.
Chapter 6
The time that Danina and Nikolai spent together in Livadia was idyllic. They were given a small, discreet guest cottage where he lived with her, openly this time, and they were treated as husband and wife by both the Czar and Czarina. They seemed to understand.
The weather was beautiful, the children were thrilled to see her again, and true to his word, Alexei even “taught” her to swim, and Nikolai helped “a little.”
The only thing he regretted now was that she had not met his sons. But that was not possible for now. Marie had still not agreed to the divorce, but at least she had gone to visit her father in Hampshire for the summer, and taken the boys with her. Nikolai was hoping that being there would remind her of how much she loved it, and wanted to live there, but thus far he was not too optimistic about a change of heart. She seemed to have every intention of staying married to him, if only to torment him.
“It doesn't matter, my love. We are happy like this, aren't we?” Danina reminded him when they spoke of it. They were so happy sharing their little cottage. She had breakfast alone with him every day, on their terrace, and the rest of their meals they took with the family. They were with them all the time, and then shared long, passionate nights alone.
“I want to give you more than a borrowed cottage by the grace of the Czar,” Nikolai said mournfully one day, hating Marie more than ever for not giving him his freedom.
“We will have more one day, and I can continue dancing for as long as I have to.” More than Nikolai, she was resigned to her fate. But he worried about her.
“That woman is going to kill you if you stay at the ballet much longer,” he complained. He was no fonder of Madame Markova than she was of him. And ever since Danina had returned to the ballet four months before, she looked thinner than ever, and she had been exhausted when she arrived from St. Petersburg. It was inhuman how hard she worked.
This time, she was careful to exercise extensively every day so she didn't lose any of her muscle tone while she was in Livadia, and Alexei loved to watch her dance and practice for hours. The Czarina had someone set up a barre for her, and after she exercised, she went on long walks with Nikolai. She was in perfect shape when the month came to an end, but after another idyllic month together, she couldn't bear the thought of leaving him again.
“We can't go on like this forever,” she said sadly, “only seeing each other for a few minutes once a month when you visit. I don't mind having to dance, but I can't bear being away from you.” And there would be no more vacations in sight for her now, until Christmas. The Imperial family had already invited her to spend it with them at Tsarskoe Selo, with Nikolai. She could even have her old cottage, to share with him. But that was nearly four months away, and Danina couldn't bear the thought of all she'd have to go through now to get there. It would be four months of hell at Madame Markova's hands, while she was punished for loving a man more than the ballet. It was an insane way to live.
“I want you to stop dancing at Christmas,” Nikolai finally said on their last night together. “We'll find a way to work it out somehow. Perhaps you can teach ballet to the Grand Duchesses, or some of the ladies in waiting. And perhaps I can find you a small cottage near the palace, so you can be near me.” It was their only hope, if Marie would not agree to divorce him.
“We'll see,” she said patiently. “You must not jeopardize your entire life for me. If Marie makes too much of it, she could make trouble for you with the Czar, or cause a terrible scandal. You don't need that.”
“I'll talk to her about it again when she comes back from England, and then I'll come to see you.”
But as soon as Danina left for St. Petersburg, Alexei fell ill, and Nikolai was needed daily, hourly, for the next six weeks. It was mid-October when he finally was able to see her. By then, Madame Markova kept her as the prima, much to Danina's relief, and she had danced in Giselle, as promised.
But Nikolai had nothing but bad news when he came this time. Alexei was still ill, though slightly better now, just enough for his doctor to leave for a few hours, and two of the Grand Duchesses had come down with influenza, which had also kept him very busy. Danina thought he looked very tired, and sad, although he was obviously happy to see her.
Marie had returned from England two weeks before, and was more adamant than ever that she wouldn't free him. She had begun to hear rumors about Danina, and was threatening to create a huge stir, which could cost him his position, or even any remote association with the Czar and Czarina. In fact, Marie was blackmailing him and holding him hostage, and when he had asked her why, she said he owed it to her to treat her respectably and not embarrass her or their sons, although she admitted that she had never loved him. But she was going to hang on to him at all costs now. She said she found it embarrassing to be left for another woman, particularly a ballerina. She said it as though Danina were a prostitute, and it had enraged him. They had argued endlessly, but he got nowhere with her. And he was very depressed about it, which Danina could easily see.
He came again in November, and Madame Mark ova almost didn't let him see her, but he was so insistent that she finally ran out of excuses. But she only allowed Danina half an hour with him, due to rehearsals. Their only comfort then was knowing that they would be together for three weeks over Christmas and New Year's. For now, it was all they lived for.