Standing up, I handed her a second towel. "One thing that’s been obvious to me all along is that everyone in First Squad loves Maze. And that Maze loves everyone in First Squad. Maybe not the same way he loved Helese, but maybe not so differently." I smiled. "One other thing I know is that Mara’s going to be annoyed. She expected to be pregnant already, and now you and Maze are going to be first."
With some doubtful reassurances about the kids not telling – Sen was very serious about not gossiping, but if she gets excited she tends to forget – we split to go have showers. When I came out, I gave Maze a big hug and congratulated him, and he was still wide-eyed, but pleased. And very concerned for Alay – after all, she mightn’t be Helese, but I’ve no doubt he cares about her. He kissed her as well as hugging her when they went out to freeze on the patio for another talk (and then I took myself off upstairs so as not to continue treating them like my own private soap opera).
My replacement bodyguards are Enma and Bree of Second, who I’m not so close to I have any trouble not mentioning these developments. But I’m finding myself more than a little upset. For Maze and Alay, but mainly about Zan.
Of all the people who I’ve thought were interested in Maze, Zan was the only one I was really hoping would get somewhere with him. My own little OTP. I was hoping Twelfth would be posted here soon, and that he’d finally see – oh, I don’t know. I wanted both of them to be happy. It seems an awful thing to me that Maze has apparently decided that he won’t ever be able to move on, that he’s settled for some kind of half-happiness which is just going to make Alay miserable.
And I want to warn Zan. I hate the thought of her hearing about this via general gossip. And if Maze and Alay don’t hide that it’s a convenience arrangement, how much worse will that be? I’m writing my diary to stop myself writing emails.
So hard. Really needed to pour all this out so I can manage to not be completely non-gossipy.
8 - July
July 28
Finally
Maze and Alay have made it official and registered their engagement, sent out invites to an engagement party and to a wedding in two months, and mentioned that btw Alay’s pregnant. Thankfully, by the time they did this I was truly glad for them.
It took the whole month for Alay to decide to go ahead with the marriage part. I’m pretty sure if she hadn’t immediately fallen pregnant, she would have run a mile from Maze’s convenient arrangement. As it was, Maze scheduled them to be my bodyguards once a week so they could think about it some more.
The first week they just talked. Alay seemed like her normal self, but I could tell by the way Sen kept bringing her cushions that she was finding it impossibly difficult. Maze was, I think, quietly dismayed that he’d hurt Alay doing something he’d thought would make them both happy.
The second week she looked so tired and drained that not only Maze was worried about her. Thankfully most of my minders that week were from Fourth, so I avoided too many awkward conversations. I don’t know what broke the impasse, but that night Alay stayed the whole night in Maze’s room, and while she wasn’t exactly cheerful the next morning, she seemed, I guess, determined to go through with the decision she’d made when she had herself taken off birth control.
The difference was in Maze. The third week, on the few occasions I saw him, he seemed permanently distracted. Almost fidgety. Alay was off at Zurenath most of the time, assisting with the settlement-seeding, and though I think he was trying to give her space, Maze shuffled the assignments so he was assisting at Zurenath as well. The next time they were playing my minders, they’d gone completely tentative with each other. Just talking, but watching each other’s reactions all the time. Touching each other’s hands.
And the day before yesterday, the fourth occasion of what Kaoren was by that time calling Rendezvous at Arcadia, Maze was wandering around stunned and thoughtful, and so very happy. Alay just glowed, and I didn’t need them to tell me that they’d managed to get past any lingering doubts. In any case they had to go ahead and announce something soon because anyone seeing them together these past couple of days couldn’t miss their feelings.
Kaoren found the idea of Maze using our house as romance central tremendously funny, but both of us are relieved that the secrecy is over with. I had a lot of fun today – they announced it while the kids were at school and I had Mara and Ketzaren as bodyguards (or torturers, since they were forcing me to seriously dodge them or get all bruised from being tackled) with Lohn watching and making impish comments. When the invitation arrived by email, Lohn read it first, while Mara and Ketz were doing their best to push me without swatting me, and Mara ended up accidentally knocking me onto my ass when Lohn suddenly yelped out the Taren equivalent of: "Holy shit!"
Ketz picked me up while Mara gave Lohn a reproachful look, but he just gabbled: "Read your email, read your email!" and so we did and there was a very sweetly worded email from Maze and Alay inviting everyone to a party that night to celebrate their engagement and coming child. I had to pretend to be preoccupied with my bruised ass so that I could turn away and hide my grin at their complete dumbstruck disbelief.
They all opened channels with Maze and Alay and tried not to sound too amazed while they gave them their congratulations. I kept quiet, doing the one thing I’d long planned for when the news came out – sending a carefully prepared email off to Zan which gave her enough detail so she would understand the situation. I had written most of the email over the last month, filling it in with general news along with the stuff about Maze and Alay, so that it wouldn’t be an obvious "I know you like him but he’s taken now" message.
She hasn’t replied yet, and I’m fretting, and feeling guilty for being so pleased for Alay.
Everyone in First and Second seems delighted, at least, most of them gathering at my house on the day of the announcement to have a big gossip session. Nils all of a sudden pounced on me and asked "How long have you known?"
"Since Sen greeted Alay with a joyous cry of Baby about a month ago," I admitted, and he laughed and said Maze must make more convincing threats about spankings, and they were all surprised but sort of reassured that I’d known about it.
The engagement party was fun. Sen announced that the baby’s name was Secret (Katen), which Maze and Alay thought very sweet, but they’re underestimating how much she means it. The party was at Maze’s parents' house, which I hadn’t visited before, and again involved interesting traditional baked treats. Since it’s not picnic or patio weather it was a tight fit, even though they’d restricted the guest list down to closest friends and family. Alay got taken off and given a stern talking to by the rest of her squad. Nils teased Keer about him having to hurry up and get engaged to one (or all) of the few remaining Senior Setari still available, and less lightly teased Zee about getting left behind (he wants to marry her, but she wants to hold off). I spotted Mara talking a bit sadly to Lohn – it bugs her a lot that she didn’t immediately fall pregnant.
We didn’t stay too long: I did some projections (to explain ice-skating) and we left the party fairly early to put Sen to bed. And maybe to think about some of the complexities of being parents ourselves.
Lira might (technically) be a little younger than Ys (we’ve settled on next month as her twelfth birthday), but she’s far more physically developed. I’ve already bought her training bras, though she refuses to wear them just yet. Kaoren and I had the funniest conversation at the party, because we’d both noticed Del (Mara’s nephew) and Lore (Ketzaren’s young brother) watching Lira with unmistakeable interest, and both of us immediately wanted to hide her away. She is undoubtedly going to have a great many guys after her, not only because she’s getting more and more gorgeous, but because of the whole tragic Lantaren heroine almost-princess thing. And she has a certain proud charisma which can be very compelling. For the moment she’s following Ys' lead and being painstakingly polite and wholly unwelcoming to anyone, male or female, who pushes to get closer to her, but I don’t think that’s going to last. She’s perfectly conscious that people think she’s beautiful, and enjoys that, and she’s somehow transformed Enna into an admiring follower[11].
11
Lira’s actually done Enna a world of good, just because Enna really wants Lira to like her, and is so absorbed with getting Lira to accept her that she’s distracted from her nightmares and the overwhelming grief of losing her family.