“No. The opposite.”
I could almost hear him smiling. “Good. Well, good hunting. Call me when it’s done.”
Oh, don’t worry about that, I thought.
I bought a couple of bento lunches, and found a love hotel in Shinbashi. I ate, showered, and tried to get some sleep. It wouldn’t come. The gulf between what had been my hopes, and the reality that had exposed those hopes as daydream and delusion, was too vast, the contrast too stark, the outcome I was hoping for too bleak. Assuming I could even achieve that outcome. The stakes I was playing for were at once so high, and also so dispiriting. I felt like a man whose alternative to death in the electric chair was life in prison. Life in solitary. Life without possibility of parole.
At three in the morning, I changed into the scrubs and lab coat and drove back to Jikei. It wasn’t much of a disguise, but in case someone saw me, at least it was something. There was an alley leading to a set of concrete stairs that themselves descended to the corridor to the morgue. The idea, I supposed, was to provide a discreet loading area for the delivery and removal of corpses, the sight of which might be troubling for visitors coming to offer well wishes to their convalescing relatives. The alley was dark and empty now, just some refuse containers and sagging cardboard boxes lining the brick walls. A single incandescent bulb hung from a corrugated awning over the stairs, casting deep shadows over the pipes and metal ducts on the walls all around. I backed the car in, cut the engine, eased the door shut, and waited, listening. Nothing. Just the quiet hum of the building’s air-conditioning.
At the bottom of the stairs, there were two rusted metal doors, each with a frosted glass insert, secured only by a trivial knob lock. I’d considered jamming the lock when I’d been here earlier in the day, but had rejected the idea as too likely to be noticed. Besides, I was confident I could handle it. If I was wrong, my backup plan was the emergency room entrance, but if possible I didn’t want to be seen at all. I crept down the stairs and glanced through the frosted glass. Nothing, just the vague, florescent-lit contours of the corridor. I pulled out the tube of lubricant I’d bought earlier, after seeing how rusty the hinges looked, and applied it now. The lock took me less than a minute to defeat and I made a mental note to thank the nandemoya in Shin Ōkubo, assuming of course I survived what I was planning. I opened the door a fraction, moved it back, opened it a fraction more, and so on, letting the lubricant work its way into the hinges. Finally, when I’d confirmed it was moving noiselessly, I moved inside.
The corridor looked exactly as it had earlier in the day — the boxes, the dust, the abandoned wheelchair — though if possible it felt even more still and silent. I crept up to the morgue door. It was wood with a frosted glass insert. I could see the light was off inside. Almost certainly no one was in there, but best to be careful. I pushed the door open, grimacing at the squeak, and said, “Shimura-san, are you in there?” In the unlikely event of an answer, I would apologize for my mistake and purport to go looking for “Shimura-san” elsewhere, and the intrusion would be disguised as something other than surreptitious. But unsurprisingly, there was no response. The room was empty.
I closed the door behind me and quickly oiled the hinges — no sense making any unnecessary noise on my way out. There was a decent amount of light spilling in through the glass from the corridor outside, and I had no trouble seeing. The walls to either side were lined with refrigerated drawers, three high, five across. On the far wall was a long metal cabinet, drawers closed, top covered with instruments. In the middle of the room was a large metal table with a drain in the center and a light fixture hanging over it — the spot where the pathologist would conduct exams. The air was heavy with antiseptic and bleach — not pleasant, but it beat what it must have been concealing.
I paused to game out how I would react if someone showed up while I was in here. This was a version of the when/then thinking that had been drilled into me in counter-ambush training, and I was pleased to see how, with sufficient motivation and practice, it applied also in more urban settings. I decided if I had time to hide, my best move would be to go under the metal cabinet. It had high legs, presumably to make it easier to get a mop under in case of spillage from the examination table. If there was no time for that, I’d say something about being overwhelmed and needing a quiet place to collect myself. Thin, but better than just standing there stammering.
I hit the refrigerated drawers methodically, starting top left and moving down right. Most of them were empty — maybe it had been a slow week for the hospital. One of them contained a startlingly voluptuous young woman, who I assumed from her unblemished condition was a drug overdose. Several were of ordinary-looking old people who I assumed had died naturally at the hospital. The next was of a bloody, mangled corpse — the yakuza who’d been crushed when the car crashed on Roppongi-dōri. I was getting warmer. The next was the prize I’d been looking for: the car’s driver, who I’d shot in the head. His height, weight, and build were similar to mine. That was good. And the point-blank shot from the Hi Power had rendered his face unrecognizable. That was better.
I realized I should have brought the wheelchair in. Now I would have to go back out to get it. I went to the door and paused to listen. From somewhere down the corridor I heard a door close. Then footsteps approaching. Shit. A maintenance man on the graveyard shift? Who else would come down here in the dead of night? I doubted whoever it was would come in, but I couldn’t take the chance — I had no reasonable explanation for being here, and if someone saw me, it would make taking the corpse that much more problematic.
I dashed to the bank of refrigerated drawers, slid the yakuza in, and closed the door. Then I dropped down and rolled under the metal cabinet. I lay face-up, my head turned to the side, breathing silently through my mouth. The footsteps stopped. Had someone heard me somehow, and come down to investigate? I heard the door open and close. Whoever it was didn’t turn on the light. What the hell?
I saw a man’s shoes and the lower half of a pair of surgical scrubs. There was something stealthy about his approach, surreptitious. Again, I thought, What the hell?
I heard one of the refrigerated drawer doors open, the tray inside sliding out. The sound of cloth moving. Silence for a few moments. Then the unmistakable rhythmic beat of a man masturbating. Jesus, I thought. The dead girl. I almost got caught stealing a corpse by a guy jerking off to one. And in the crazy tension of the moment, I had to stifle a fit of hysterical laughter. Then I thought, Well, everyone needs a hobby, and it got worse. All I could do was lie there under the cabinet, choking back laughter, and listen to this guy — a resident, probably, a physician-in-training, a fine, upstanding practitioner of the healing arts and pillar of the community — panting and abusing himself to a corpse. Was it Bismarck who said no one should have to see how laws or sausages are made? It occurred to me the Iron Chancellor had omitted an important third item, and the thought almost did me in again. I clamped my jaw shut and waited, and presently the skin-against-skin sounds of Mr. Hippocratic Oath’s strange self-pleasure quickened, his panting became a moan, the moan itself dissolved into a satisfied groan, and then there was silence again. I heard the sound of cloth moving over cloth, the tray sliding back into the refrigerated drawer, the door closing after it. Then footsteps, the door to the room opening and closing, and footsteps outside, fading and then gone entirely.