Then I had to answer dozens of questions, most of them details about Follower Station and its systems. I finally managed to ease in one of my last points. '... and he said that he wouldn't bother any more needles.'
'You trusted ... this intelligence?'
'I didn't have that much of a choice. I thought that if I did, and it worked, then ...' I shrugged, '... we had a solved problem. The Authority can't afford to keep losing needle ships.'
'There are certain implications,' suggested the commander.
'Several,' I agreed. 'We can't keep Engee or Follower Station a secret, or the fact that it has a gravity field.'
There was a long moment of silence. You said that the Followers had artificial gravity? Are you sure?' asked Krigisa.
'You can ask Berya or any of the passengers. They felt it.'
'You let them debark?'
'Only to the waiting area,' I said. 'I told you that. What was the point of not letting them stretch their legs? If Engee could pull a ship out of overspace—'
'Do you have any idea how these ... Followers came up with a gravity field for a station?'
'No. I was rather occupied dealing with Engee. I suspect that Engee has come up with at least some technology we could use.' I smiled. 'I do have a suggestion.'
The black-skinned commander raised her eyebrows. Yes?'
'Consider making regular needle trips to Felini's station -or Follower Station. That's what they call it.'
'I doubt the Authority is prepared to consider that.'
I offered my best argument. 'It would be dishonest not to, and that dishonesty would eventually undermine our whole system.'
'Are you telling the Authority what to do?'
I thought for a moment. 'Yes.' I grinned. 'For twenty years, they've told me. At least, twenty universe objective years of my life. Besides, I don't think the Authority has any choice.'
'That assumes Engee will allow visitors.'
'If he doesn't ... then nothing's changed.'
'You're not to make this public,' Krigisa said. "Not until I meet with the Authority. I suspect they'll want to see you as well. After you have another complete medical and psychological battery at Runswi.'
I could understand the Authority's concern. After spending millennia attempting to refute the existence of gods, the Authority was faced with admitting that either a god existed or that a form of intelligence with superior abilities existed. There was concrete proof for one of those conclusions, and neither one was likely to be palatable.
'You're suspended from active flight status until this is resolved.'
Again, but I'd hardly expected anything else. 'Is that all?'
'Everything we know is being changed, and you act as if nothing had changed. Don't you understand?'
'I understand that there will be a great uproar among some people.' I shrugged. 'And, in the end, very little will change. If we can get the secret of generating gravity fields, more of the universe may be open and another avenue of technology will improve. But you can't get to the stars that much faster than we do, and there really won't be that much effect on the average Rykashan or mite.' I paused. 'Or even on the Authority.'
'You forget about beliefs,' she pointed out.
'The rationalists will accept Engee as a being with some superior abilities, still governed by the rules of the universe. The various kinds of believers will adopt him as a new god, and nothing will change because the only Followers he listens to, and the only ones he probably can listen to, are those in New City, and people on earth or in the colonies will find that, as usual, there's no difference in the answer to their fervent prayers.'
'I truly hope you're right' The commander shook her head.
I waited. Nothing else I could say would make a difference.
You'd better go and get those tests, Tyndel.' Krigisa's voice was tight. And keep your speculations and information to yourself.'
Yes, ser.' For now ... and excepting Cerrelle. I nodded. Perhaps Cerrelle would be at the chalet. She would understand. She might even laugh.
84
Humankind is myth.
When the doctors and psychologists finished with me, they sent a report to commander Krigisa that I was in wonderful physical and mental condition. When she didn't respond, I suggested - strongly - that it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared to the lake. All in all, I didn't get to the lake until almost a week after my return to Orbit Two.
There, the leaves had begun to turn, and the frost hadn't burned off when I stepped out of the glider. I'd missed two straight summers - four, actually, when I thought about it -and I still hadn't done more than the basics on the garden.
Cerrelle stepped from the driver's side and closed the canopy. I walked around the glider, and she took my hands for an instant. Then she wrapped both arms around me. I let her, and we clung together in the small hangar in the chalet that felt like home even before we went upstairs.
Inside, we stopped before the hearth, where she had the wood burning. I added another log.
'You've made light of it, but it was a hard trip, and dealing with Krigisa had to have been harder.'
I took a deep breath. 'It started with the fusactor spines -all that metal - and then ... well ... I told you everything that happened.'
She pointed to one of the pair of armchairs that faced the window and the afternoon view of the lake. 'You told me what happened. You haven't told me how you feel. I'll get you some Arleen.'
'That would be nice.' I sat down in the padded armchair next to hers, let the warmth of the fire flow through me, removing the last hints of the grayness.
'Now ...' She handed me a big gold mug I'd not seen before. 'Here's your tea. It's not so good as yours.'
'Who's self-pitying?'
'Tyndel... I deserve a small measure of self-pity occasionally, especially when you're doing grand things among the stars and I'm baby-sitting confused refugees.,
'You did a good job with me.'
'I did the best I could, but you weren't easy.'
'It still worked.'
We both laughed.
Cerrelle, always honest.
The tea smelled and tasted good, and, for a long time, I just sipped and looked from Cerrelle to the golden and red leaves framed in the glass beyond the hearth and the burning logs. I took another sip of tea as, outside, the gray clouds closed off the autumn blue of the sky and the leaves began to drift away from the oaks.
Finally, I began to talk, about the trip, the medical exam, the debriefing. As I reached the point where I recounted leaving Krigisa and Earth Orbit Two for the shuttle down to Runswi, Cerrelle asked quietly, 'That's the second time you've told me everything that happened. You're avoiding how you feel. How do you feel about it, about Engee, and Rykasha? And how will your being a genetic superman affect us?'
I frowned. 'I don't think I even considered myself a genetic superman. All Engee did, really, was to ensure that I would pass on genetically the nanotech improvements that our children could get anyway.' I smiled. 'Without the muss and the costs.'
That did get a smile in return. 'I'm glad you said our children.'
But who else's would they have been? Who else could I possibly have come to love so much? Who else understood?
'And ... about Engee and Rykasha?'
'Tired ... relieved it's over.'
The faintest of frowns crossed her face.
'I know, honest woman, it's not over. Nothing's ever over.' I shook my head slowly. 'I suppose ... there's always something mightier and grander out in the universe - or the universes. Calling it God is a way of personifying it and making ourselves feel more important. Engee's appealing as a god because he ... it ... needs us to have meaning in his existence, despite his greater physical powers in the universe. The Authority doesn't want to deal with it at all ... but they don't have a choice. Not if they want Rykasha to survive.' I smiled. 'The Authority will have to come to terms with Engee's existence, and, after the initial shock ...' My words drifted to a halt, and I took a sip of the Arleen.