'I don't know. It was certainly some entity with great power, and one that understood both mite and Rykashan cultures.'
'Engee spoke to you?' asked Erelya. 'What did it ... he say?'
'He said that he wanted a dialogue about honesty ... after that, I listened, but I didn't. I concentrated on bringing the ship through.'
'Can you remember anything specific?'
I concentrated. 'He said several things... that we assumed his lack of involvement represented a lack of ability ... that
Rykasha has been meddling in non-Rykashan cultures. He asked me to ... assess the honesty of the Authority, and if I found it trustworthy to ask whether I also shouldn't trust a greater power ...'
A greater power? He's asserting he's a greater power, then?'
'There was that implication,' I admitted, 'but it was never stated.'
'What else?' Krigisa's voice was clipped.
'He suggested that not all power and not all users of power were the same, and then he went on to suggest that if I could respect the Authority, which had only been able to conquer overspace in the relatively dust-free sections of the Galaxy, surely one should respect a power that could reach anywhere through overspace.'
'It's mad ... or deceptive,' suggested Krigisa.
'What do you think, Tyndel?' asked Erelya.
I swallowed, then opted for honesty, as if I had any other choice that would leave me whole. 'I think whatever it is is powerful. I couldn't prove it, but I don't think it's deceptive. And it wants something beyond dialogue. I don't know what that something is.'
'Could you be imagining this?'
'I could be, but I don't think so.'
'Did you have any trouble with breakout at Epsilon Cygni?' asked Erelya.
'No, ser. That was smooth. So was the inbound to Sol.'
'A dialogue about honesty?' mused Krigisa.
And about power. He was very direct in suggesting that Rykasha had meddled with the mite cultures, and yet worried about his meddling with Rykasha. That part was clear. After that, I was more concerned with the ship, and I didn't follow the exact words, or thoughts. There was something about honesty in the dust-strewn regions of the Web.'
'Distraction? An intellectual Siren ... an intellectual discussion ... could it be that simple?' asked the operations controller, looking at Erelya.
I didn't think so, but I waited for the question to be directed to me. After a moment, they both looked in my direction and waited.
'I could have been distracted,' I said, 'and there were singularities on the route. But I'd think that an experienced pilot wouldn't have been distracted.'
'Anyone can be distracted. Then, you seem to "see" better in overspace,' reflected Erelya. 'Were you tempted to move the ship - or asked to?'
'No.'
'Were there any manifestations of this ... dialogue?'
'There was some sort of power spike that the second picked up, or sensed, but the instruments and the system records don't show it.'
'Berya's pretty level.' Erelya glanced at the commander.
The questions went on for a long, long time, but all those that followed were merely attempts to verify what I'd said before.
After a time, Krigisa glanced at Erelya. 'Can he take another ship out?'
'Can you, Tyndel?' asked Erelya.
'Why not? Haven't others heard voices? Besides, the run back from Epsilon Cygni was clear.'
'I don't know,' mused Krigisa. 'We don't know enough.'
'We can't shut down everything,' pointed out Erelya. 'If we ground every pilot who senses anything, then we won't have enough to supply the technology and expertise to either the colonies or the projects. Do you want to explain that to the Authority? Do they want to explain that to everyone?'
Both women winced, as though explaining difficulties in interstellar travel were a far greater problem than I thought.
After all, the needles were doing the near impossible. Sooner or later, there had to be problems. That had to have been obvious for a long time, hadn't it?
'Besides,' Erelya continued, 'Tyndel's the only one who's actually reported a contact and made insertions afterwards.'
'This one, I'll have to think about.' Krigisa turned to me, a dark figure all too symbolic of the Authority. 'First, you're going down to medical at Runswi to get a full examination, and you'll repeat everything in a way that can be verified. Senior captain Erelya will observe all of this. Then the medical types will examine every possible physical cause that could create a false set of overspace images. We'll also examine all the sensors and ship systems. If you get a clean report, while we evaluate everything, at the very least, you'll have a double layover. You should anyway, after a trip like that. Then,' her voice softened, 'we'll let you know what we decide about your future as a pilot.'
Erelya nodded to me, and I left, marveling at how the operations room again seemed like a casern from the past and wondering if I would ever pilot another needle ship. I couldn't believe I would, and yet, I didn't doubt that I would.
And I kept recalling how the operations room had seemed like an ancient casern, and I wondered what awaited me at the medical facilities in Runswi. I worried about that a lot, far more than about Engee ... but then we often consider our own place first.
Still ... I couldn't believe that any power that great and that curious was malevolent ... or even that interested in doing harm.
77
Grasp emptiness, and emptiness is form. Grasp form, and it is emptiness.
My medical 'debrief took more than three days, and more than half of it I didn't remember.
The only thing that mattered was that, at the end, Erelya and Aleyaisha both looked at me with clear eyes, and Erelya said, 'You're sane. You're better adjusted than most pilots, and that means we have a problem bigger than anything since the Devastation.'
They did. I didn't. I'd already had to face a culture and individuals beyond my comprehension. Somehow, another experience like that didn't bother me, not too much, but that was Dzin. If it is real, then its existence must be accepted. Engee was real. A good many of the Rykashans were going to have trouble with that, especially if Engee were as powerful as I suspected.
Once they released me, I sent a link message to Cerrelle, then went to find the tunnel glider. The one I took from Runswi was crowded - half-full was crowded for Rykashan transport.
Cerrelle met me at the tunnel station platform - that odd architectural combination of polished gray stone and warm golden woods - the gray of the ancients and the living gold of ... what? Demons? Even more antique druids?
Her heavier winter coat was unfastened, and those piercing green eyes did not quite meet mine. I smiled, for I was truly glad to see her, but, once again, she hesitated. I didn't. I hugged her warmly.
'You're back. I wasn't certain ... and then your link came ... I was afraid to take the message.'
'You shouldn't be.' I kept holding her.
From across the platform I caught a murmur. '... wish a needle jockey would look at me like that...'
'... all the young types after them ... don't notice the experienced ones around much ... keep to themselves, their family ... bet those two have children somewhere ...'
'No ... but I'd like to,' I murmured in Cerrelle's ear.
'Like what? To get to the lake?'
'That will do for now.' She hadn't heard the words my more acute hearing had picked up, and I didn't feel right about explaining it all. I hugged her again. She felt real and solid in an uncertain universe.
'Not here.'
I flushed. I hadn't meant that, not directly, but amplifying on that would have just gotten us both embarrassed.