She didn’t look at him as she said, “It’s funny you should show up now.”
“It’s destiny. All things unfold according to the One True Book. We parted so that we each could grow, to become the perfect match for the other.”
“Yeah,” she said, crossing her arms. “I mean, no. I mean, look, I don’t know what I mean. Lately, I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking of how to get back to a life of royalty. Then, boom, here you are, telling me you can make it happen. And, I have to say, if I’d seen this level of interest from you fifteen years ago, maybe things might have played out differently. But you can’t just show up and start slobbering all over me. What the hell ever happened to courtship?”
Tower dropped to his knees once more. He grabbed her hand, cupping it with both palms in a prayerful pose and said, “If it’s courtship you desire, I promise you romance beyond your imagination. I shall fly to the moon and carve your portrait to decorate the night sky. I shall part the sea and pluck pearls from the depths. I will search every corner of the world for flowers and perfumes and silks to adorn your bedroom. You will wear a wedding dress spun from pure gold, beaded with priceless gems from Greatshadow’s treasure. The entire world will-”
“I get the idea,” said Infidel, again silencing him with a finger on his lips, then snatching the finger back as his lips parted. “How about cake? Would you go get me a slice of cake?”
“For you, my love, anything,” he vowed.
“Make it chocolate.”
Ten seconds of silence passed as she looked down at him. Tower furrowed his brow. “Right now?”
“Why not now?”
“We… um… we’re in the middle of a jungle. The nearest town is Commonground and it’s in ruins. At top speed, I would need a full day to fly back to the Silver Isle to find a baker.”
“So… no cake.”
Tower frowned. Then, he said, in utter seriousness. “If… if you demand it, I will go.”
She shrugged. “I guess I can wait.”
“Thank you,” he said.
She leaned back against a tree and took a second to fix her mis-buttoned pants. “So you saw right through my disguise. What about the Father Ver?”
“I don’t know why he accepts that you are a machine. It doesn’t matter, in the end. If he suspected the truth, he’d have already ordered that I apprehend you and secure you until a trial could be held.”
“Would you?”
Tower looked like he wished he’d left for the cake.
His features sagged as he looked to the ground.
“I would have no choice but to obey Ver’s direct command,” he said. “Even without his powers.”
Infidel placed a hand on his shoulder. “You know, I kind of like that. I mean, five minutes ago you were a lust-crazed teenager. Now, you’re a knight with a sense of duty and honor. Somewhere between these extremes is my idea of a pretty good man.”
“No!” I shouted. “No, no, no, no, no!”
The faintest ghost of a smile flickered across her lips as he gently kissed the back of her hand.
“Thank you for understanding,” he said.
She shrugged. “No problem.”
I spun around, growling, and found the nearest tree. I attempted to slam my head into it, but wound up staring at a family of possums dwelling in its rotted out center.
I took a deep, phantom breath and calmed myself. With any luck, Greatshadow would swallow him.
Tower flew off as Infidel continued dressing. She paused as she found the boot sheath empty. She started pacing as she chewed on her fingernails. She reached the finger that Lord Tower had sucked on and regarded it with an expression half curiosity, half disgust. You can guess which half of the expression I appreciated.
At last she muttered, “Did it fall out in the tree?” She started back toward the village. She hadn’t gone but a few dozen feet before she froze, turning her head toward a rustling sound from a nearby thicket. I poked my head through the screen of leaves and found myself face to face with Aurora squatting on the ground with her pants around her ankles. I quickly jerked my head back. Infidel took note of the wisps of fog drifting across the ground. Aurora had trouble with stealth in humid climates.
“Aurora?” Infidel whispered.
There was a rapid rustle from the other side of the bushes. “Infidel?”
They each poked their heads around the leafy wall and grinned.
“I’m glad to see you,” said Aurora. “I need to gripe to someone. This whole mission is turning into a big, stinking pile of yellow snow.”
“You don’t know the half of it,” said Infidel.
“I’m not even sure what I’m doing here,” said Aurora. “I thought I’d feel the Jagged Heart’s presence. I don’t. Tower plainly isn’t carting it around with him, and it wasn’t in the gear. If he doesn’t have it, I’m wasting my time.”
“The Black Swan wanted you on the mission,” said Infidel. “She must have seen something in the future that made her think you needed to be here.”
“She’s not always right. The whole point of her going back in time is to change the future. Sometimes, little things she does wipe out whole events she was counting on. She went back quite a ways to order a new barge built. What if some guy she hired to build it would have otherwise joined the raiders that stole the Jagged Heart? Maybe it never wound up in Tower’s possession.”
“I’ll ask Tower about it when I see him again,” said Infidel.
“Ah ah ah!” Aurora wagged her finger. “You’re a machine around him. You cart gear, not pump knights for information.”
“Funny you should mention pumping,” said Infidel.
“How so?”
“Because Tower just caught me bathing at the stream and confessed that he knows who I am. He says he wants to take me back, clear my name, and go ahead with the marriage. I’m suddenly really glad the Black Swan didn’t tell me who the father of my daughter would be.”
Aurora’s jaw opened slowly, until her tusks were almost pointing straight out. She snapped out of her shock and said, “I, uh, thought you couldn’t… I mean, there’s still some, um, issues. Of crushing. Accidentally. Certain important parts.”
“We only have to do it once,” said Infidel.
I jammed my fingers into my ears to keep from hearing more. It didn’t work.
“And if he’s not any good, maybe I won’t have any, you know, involuntary muscle spasms.”
I screamed, “La-la-la-la-la!”
She continued, “I mean, it’s not like I’d actually feel anything for him. It wouldn’t be like it would have been with Stagger.”
I stopped la-la-ing and lowered my fingers.
Infidel swallowed hard. “If Stagger were still around, I would have head-butted him when he kissed me.”
“Stagger?” Aurora looked confused. “Why would you head-butt him?”
“No! Tower!”
Aurora’s brow knotted with bewilderment.
Infidel looked up toward the tree village, then said in a hushed voice, “Tower kissed me.”
“You’re joking.”
Infidel raised her hand and resumed biting her nails.
“You’re not joking.”
Infidel shook her head.
Aurora crossed her arms, tapping her beefy fingers on her biceps.
“So,” she asked, casually. “Was he any good?”
Infidel rolled her eyes. “It… it was… I really have nothing to judge by. I’ve never been kissed before.”
“You’ve never kissed? For a battle hardened mercenary who wears necklaces of human teeth, you’ve lived kind of a sheltered life.”
Infidel threw up her hands. “What’s the point of me kissing anyone? I mean, what’s it going to lead to? Look, I’ve made it this far without any kind of intimacy. I’ve been perfectly content without it. I mean it. Who needs it?”
Aurora smirked. “In my experience, when people say, ‘I mean it,’ they don’t mean it.”
Infidel folded her arms across her chest. “Fine. Maybe, just maybe… maybe I’m curious. Maybe this is one of those choices made by fifteen-year-old Innocent that I’m not so sure about any more. I mean… this is going to sound stupid… but… I… well, there was this thing he did, when he, um, sucked, uh, my finger and…”