He nodded; he sniffed, then he took a bite of his piece. What is it sore? he says.
Sore? I says, It’s fucking killing me!
Hh! He continued chewing the food, gazing at me occasionally; he was waiting for me to say something else. I shrugged: I think maybe it’s caused by the damp.
He nodded. His attention wandered to the window then he sat to the front and glanced upwards and sideways, and indicated a framed certificate hanging on the wall. I was a mature student at Uni, he says. And he fingered the lapels of his dust-coat. I came late to this. . I started only about three years ago. He shook his head and sighed. Ah Christ, it has to be said; to a fairly big extent you’ve got to describe this as a young man’s job.
Mmm.
Aye, he says, truly, a young man’s job.
Well, right enough, it needs a lot of training.
Naw but it’s no just that. He grimaced at me and stared at his piece; he bit a mouthful and chewed, then drank a mouthful of coffee. He sighed again and he says: You married?
Eh, yes and no.
Separated?
I shrugged.
Ah — same as myself, I’m divorced. Hh! He smiled: Up at Uni I got involved with this lassie and she found out, the missis. Bang — out the door. More or less dumped the fucking suitcase out in the middle of the street man fucking terrible. Never seen her since! No even at all these family kind of business things. It’s funny, when I dont go to one she does and when I do go to one she doesnt. And we never get in touch beforehand. It’s a kind of telepathy or some fucking thing! He grinned at me: This auld uncle of mine, having a laugh with me, he says he never knows whether he’s coming or going, is he going to see me or is he going to see her! Makes him dizzy he says!
I nodded.
Then there’s the weans.
Aw. Aye.
You know what I’m talking about?
Aye.
Two I’ve got; how about yourself?
Four.
Four! Christ, aye, you do know what I’m talking about!
I shrugged.
But my two, he says, my two — aye, they’re fine, they’re alright. He began chuckling: Aye, they’re alright.
I nodded.
Nice weans. I miss no seeing them. He frowned suddenly and leaned forwards. What was I talking about there?
Eh. .
He carried on staring at me, waiting for me to remember. To be honest, I was kidding on I didnt know because I was hoping if he never found out he would get ahead with the job in hand. But he started getting fucking really strained and you could see he was really intent on finding out so I says: Look eh, I think it was something to do with women.
Aw aye Christ aye so it was. He nodded. . Naw, I was just going to say, this job man, the way you feel at the end of the day it’s well nigh fucking impossible I mean if you’re wanting to meet the fair sex. You’re just — you’re knackered, simple as that; you just dont want to go out anywhere. I mean I’ve got this colleague and he was telling me I should join one of these singles clubs. What he was saying, he was saying it would just save all the sweat of that initial carry on, the introductions and so forth.
He paused there, looking at me, awaiting my reaction. Then he says: I’m no sure but, to be honest, whether I fancy the idea. You hear these stories. .
And he paused again, watching me. Eventually I nodded.
Okay, he says, so it’s your back.
Well aye, sometimes it gets really achy.
Mmm. . aches and pains, aches and pains. . He lapsed into the sort of silence that lets you see he was miles away. There was one wee bit of bread left on his serviette and his fingers just picked it up and let it fall, picked it up and let it fall. Then he snorted and shook his head, he smiled at me: Kafka! From what I hear he was setting out to write this straightforward Chekhov type doctor yarn. And what happens! Naw, he laughed briefly. I’ve had my bellyful of country fucking doctors!
Mm.
Aye, Christ, I was down in Galloway for a bit of my time. And I’ll tell you something man I dont want to see another blade of grass. It was funny at first, all the gossip and the rest of it; then after a while you got used to it. Used to it! And I mean once you’re fucking used to it you’re. .! Hh!
He shook his head and pursed his lips, dabbed at his mouth with the serviette, swallowed the last of his coffee. He gestured at the door: Many waiting?
Eh, quite a few. There might be more now right enough.
He sighed. To tell you straight, he says, they deserve better than me.
I watched him when he said it but he seemed to have spoken without any trace of irony whatsoever so I decided to reply in the same way. Look, I says, it isnt that so much; what it is, I think, really, is just that you dont seem to have the interest, I mean no really, no the way you should.
Mmm.
Well, you dont — Christ!
Naw you’re right, I know. He glanced at the electric kettle. Think I’ll have another coffee. What about yourself?
Eh aye, okay, fine.
Good. Heh I mean if you want a piece or something. .? He indicated the window.
Naw, I says, it’s no that long since I ate my breakfast.
I mean hh! He shook his head and laughed briefly, gazed away over my head to someplace, one hand balanced on the handle of the kettle and the other in his dustcoat pocket. To be frank with you, I only went to Uni to get involved in the ideas, metaphysics and so on, the history of the intellect, the past and the future and — aw Christ, fuck knows what else, no point talking, no point talking. Them out there in that waiting room man I mean, really, they dont understand, they dont, they dont understand. And it’s no fucking for me to tell them, is it!
He patted himself on the chest to emphasize the point, then he came walking back round to sit down on his chair facing me. I nodded in reply to him but I was non-committal; there was a certain amount of elitism showing in his talk and I didnt appreciate it, not one little bit. And no just the thing itself but the way he was lumping me in the same boat as him. I felt like saying: What about them ben there man they’re fucking sitting suffering!
And me and that lassie too, he was saying, me and that lassie. No kidding ye man we were just really interested in yapping on the gether — about all sorts of things, Kepler and Copernicus, and auld fucking Tycho! and we were relating it all to the painters of the period. Really interesting I mean, really. I was enjoying it Christ I’ve got to admit it. But that’s how I fucking went there in the first place I mean — hh! Hey. . He frowned at me: You ever read that History of the Conflict Between Religion and Science by John William Draper?
Eh aye, aye.
Well I’ll tell you something for nothing, I think that’s a great book. . And he jabbed his finger at me as if his suspicions had been confirmed but he was still saying it anyway and I could go and take a fuck to myself.
I didnt respond except to nod vaguely. But I kept my gaze matching his. After a few moments there was a rap at the door and he went to answer it immediately. He was scowling. He said loudly: Yes?
Eh, I was just wanting that prescription renewed. . It was a male voice.
Mm yes yes, yes, well I’m busy the now so you’ll just have to wait your turn like everybody else.
Then he closed the door. He paused there for a wee while. And then he went over to the kettle and began examining it. He had forgotten to switch it on. This is why it hadnt boiled. He reached to the switch in such a way that I knew he was trying not to let me see. He gazed up at a pictorial calendar on the wall. After a moment he turned to me: You know something, he says, a few of them still act surprised because I’m weer than the average.
Honest?
Aye, he says, smiling.
Well, I suppose that’s because they’re used to doctors being this and that, because they’ve got certain expectations about what doctors should and should not be.