The wean and that
Brian yawned; he had shifted his stance, taking the weight of his body onto the other foot. He squinted at the clock on the far wall then turned slightly to look at those queuing behind. And reaching into his jerkin pocket he brought out a cigarette packet and opened it, but put it back again, thrusting his hands into his jeans’ pockets. He was whistling; he stopped it. He took the UB40 from his back pocket and gazed at the information on it. Then the man in front was preparing to step to the counter. Brian started whistling again and he followed him forward. And while the man was crouching to sign the receipt he peered over his shoulder as though trying to read his signature. Then he too had signed and was walking quite quickly out through the door and onto the pavement. His pace slackened. He strolled along, on the edge of the kerb, gazing to there and into the gutter.
Hey! Brian! Brian!
It was Gordon O’Donnell approaching, right arm extended as if set to shake hands with him; he patted Brian on the elbow:
How you doing man?
Ah no bad Gordon, surviving.
I thought you were fucking asleep!
Ah! Brian grinned.
Gordon patted him on the elbow again. This broo eh! you meet all sorts. Heh, you have signed on I take it?
Aye.
Great stuff, we’ll need to share pints.
Eh. .
No ehs about it!
Naw I was just going back down the road Gordon.
Rubbish. I’ll just be a minute. . He made to walk away but paused when Brian gestured with his hands raised palms upward. And he smiled, No trouble old chap — they’re paying me the giro across the counter these days.
Are they?
Hh, aye. Gordon shook his head. He nodded in the direction of the broo and began walking, Brian following. Aye, he said, a bit of bother with the posted yins they kept sending. Vanishing tricks! Cheeky bastards thought I was doing it myself too! I telt them straight: listen I says if you really want to apprehend the culprit away and get a grip of that wife of mine, she’s been in and out of my pockets for years — no kidding ye man there’s fuck all safe when she’s about. Naw I mean if I was wanting to go to the thieving games I wouldnt be wasting my time with daft fucking giros! No brains but, that’s the trouble with these cunts.
He had pushed open the door and they walked to a small queue. Then he noticed somebody in a larger queue and he called, Hey Bill — how’s life? You alright for a tenner till the morrow!
The man laughed. Is that all!
Make it a score if you like man I’m no fussy!
Aye it’s okay for some!
What d’you mean!
The man laughed. Gordon gave an exaggerated wink then he nudged Brian slightly and winked in a more natural manner. He glanced about for several seconds. Then he said, So what you doing with yourself these days?
Brian shrugged.
The missus and that I mean, alright?
Aye.
Good. Good. It was Gordon’s turn next and he stepped to the counter, producing his card with a flourish and passing it to the female clerk: How you doing honey!
The woman looked at her wristwatch before replying; she pushed the receipt to him. You’re nearly an hour late Mr O’Donnell.
I know that, terrible — I couldnt get away from my work any earlier. Rush job on.
She smiled. You seem to think we dont know you’re working on the sly.
On my weans’ life now would I make a fraudulent claim? Gordon had his right hand over his heart.
The woman glanced at Brian and said, He thinks we dont take him seriously because he makes a joke about it, but we’ll catch him one of these days.
Brian smiled. And Gordon said, It’s one of these days for us all hen, one of these days for us all.
Oh dont be so morbid!
I’m no being morbid, he added as he leaned to sign his name.
They walked to the far corner and stood by the wall, close to where the cashier’s window was. A youth was balancing on the edge of a radiator nearby. Gordon noticed him and crooked his right forefinger a couple of times. The youth came over slowly, hands in his pockets, and he muttered, Hiya Gordon.
How you doing young man.
Alright.
That’s the game. What I want you to do is dish out the harrys.
Aw Gordon I’ve no got any, honest.
Dont tell lies.
I’ve only got a couple left.
Out with them.
Aw fuck sake man.
Gordon crooked the forefinger again, until the youth took out the packet. And he handed a cigarette to Gordon who passed it immediately to Brian; he gave another one to Gordon, took one for himself. Gordon flicked a lighter and when the three of them were smoking the youth said to him: Have you seen Wee Cally on your travels?
What? Gordon stared at him.
Naw Gordon I’m no kidding, have you?
What you talking about son? Gordon sniffed and dragged on the cigarette, blew the smoke sideways in the direction of the cashier’s window.
Wee Cally.
Wee Cally. Gordon shook his head and he said to Brian: No kidding ye man this fucking younger generation, it’s no real the way they carry on. . He indicated the youth: The fucking young team he’s talking about — hatchets arent good enough for them; one sniff of that barr’s irn bru and they’re away fucking about with shooters. A different world so it is, a different world.
Brian smiled.
I was just wanting to know if you’d seen him, said the youth.
Listen son, said Gordon, I dont see people like that — know what I’m talking about? Gordon dragged on the cigarette again and frowned suddenly, he gazed away to the big clock on the wall and shook his head.
Time is it? asked Brian.
Gordon made no answer. He stared at the male clerk working behind the counter. Heh, he called, what about the greengages? they no weighed in yet! Eh — fuck sake, the boy here’s got his bloody work to go to!
The clerk looked at him.
The boy here. . said Gordon, tapping himself on the chest.
The clerk continued to look at him for a moment, then dropped his gaze.
Gordon said to Brian, That’s what I love about this place, the civility! He shook his head, took a folded newspaper from his side jacket pocket and started to read; but seconds later he folded it again and he stuck it back into the pocket and glanced at the clock, shaking his head and sighing loudly. Then he called to the clerk again: What’s the score with the cashier at all! Is he away to the bloody Bahamas or what?