Oh jock!
What?
She shook her head, lips tightly shut; but not able to stop smiling now.
I dont stay in the Foodstore if that’s what you’re thinking.
Yes you do.
What?
You do jock.
Naw I dont.
Oh well then I’m looking forward to meeting your landlord! And she laughed aloud.
I chipped away the cigarette and had another swig of gin, gestured with it to her but she shook her head. You’re wrong, I said.
Am I!
Well you’re no, but you are.
Oh, I see. Renee shook her head: All the kitchenstaff know!
They dont.
Jock, they do.
They fucking dont! I’ll tell you something, it was me started the rumour in the first place.
You?
Aye, of course.
But the Portuguese women all laugh about it jock.
Aye okay, but it’s like a double bluff; when it comes right down to it they dont really believe it.
Joan does.
Joan. .
It was her that told me.
Oh christ. I took out my tin and rolled another fag immediately. Look, I said, Renee I mean the only reason I do it’s because of the thieving that goes on in there. You cant turn your back. Christ, you know what like it is!
She didnt answer.
As far as I’m concerned I’m only going to stay there till I make sure I’m no going to get fucking set up — cause that’s what they’re trying to fucking do, and I’m no kidding.
There’s no need to swear about it.
Sorry.
Anyhow, you dont have to worry.
What?
About who knows; it’s only the kitchenstaff, and they wont say anything.
How do you know?
They wont.
What a life!
Jock, dont worry.
I wonder how the hell they found out.
Renee chuckled. Maybe you were snoring!
She seemed to take it for granted I could smuggle the two of us inside with the greatest of ease, and showed not the slightest interest in how it was to be accomplished. I led her round into the narrow, enclosed alley at the back of the building and told her to wait at a special spot. She smiled and kissed my nose. Renee, I said, you’re actually crazy, do you know that?
Not as crazy as you. She raised her eyebrows.
It was never easy getting inside the building at night and that was another reason why I didnt go out very often. The security man on nightshift was from Yorkshire and me and him got on quite well together. Usually the way I managed things was to chap the window of his office and go in for a cup of tea and a chat. He assumed I was just stopping off on my road home and when I said goodnight he paid no further attention, never for one moment even dreaming I would be sneaking back beneath the window and along the corridor to the rear staircase. Tonight he kept me yapping for more than twenty minutes. I left him seated at his desk, twiddling the tuner of his transistor radio; he spent most of the night trying for a clear sound on the BBC World Service.
She stepped forwards from the shadows when I appeared at the window. We were both shivering with nervousness and it made it the more awkward when she clambered up and over the sill. I snibbed the window afterwards. That was the sort of thing Yorky would have discovered routinely. We went quickly along and down to the basement, and along to where the Foodstore was situated beyond the kitchen and coldrooms. Once inside I locked the door and stood there with my eyes shut and breathing very harshly.
Alright? she said.
Aye.
She smiled, still shivering. Can you put on a light?
No, too risky. Sometimes I use a candle. . I crossed the narrow floor and opened the shutters; the light from the globes at either end of the alley was barely sufficient to see each other by. I opened them more fully.
God, she said, it cant be very nice staying here.
Well, it’s only temporary remember. . I brought out the rags and sacking from the teachests, fixed us a place to sit down comfortably. It was always a warm place too. She unbuttoned her coat. I opened the halfbottle and this time she took a small mouthful of the gin. We leaned our backs against the wall and sighed simultaneously, and grinned at each other. This is actually crazy, I said.
She chuckled.
Perishable items? I said.
Pardon?
I’ve got milk stout and diabetic lager and butter and cheese and stale rolls, plus honey and some cakes from yesterday morning. Interested?
No thanks.
More gin?
She shook her head in a significant way and we smiled at each other again, before moving closely in together.
The daylight through the window. I blinked my eyes open. My right arm seemed to be not there any longer, Renee was lying on it, facing into the wall. I was hard. I turned onto my side and moved to rub against her; soon she was awake.
When eventually I was on top and moving to enter her she stared in horror beyond my head, and then she screamed. Through the window and across the alley up in the ground-floor window a crowd of female faces, all gesticulating and laughing. The Portuguese women. I grabbed at the sacking to try and cover the two of us. Renee had her head to the side, shielding her face in below my chest. Oh jock, she was crying. Oh jock.
Dont worry, dont worry.
How long’ve they been watching!
It’s alright, dont worry.
Oh jock, oh jock. .
Dont worry.
Shut the shutters, please.
I did as she asked without putting on my clothes first. I quite enjoyed the exhibitionist experience of it. Renee dressed without speaking. I tried to talk her into coming down to King’s Cross for a coffee so we could discuss things but she shook her head and mumbled a negative. She was absolutely depressed. I put my hands on her shoulders and gazed into her eyes, hoping we would manage to exchange a smile but there was nothing coming from her. It had just turned 7 a.m. I’m going to go home, she said. She lifted her bag and waited for me to unlock the door, and she left saying, Bye jock.
*
It was time for me to leave as well. This had been a warning. I gathered the chattels immediately and filled a plastic bag with perishables. I got my all-important notebook from its concealed spot, just in case of future emergencies, and left, leaving the key in the lock.
Fifty Pence
The old woman opened her eyes when the gas-light flickered, but soon closed them again. The boy was squinting at the football news on the back page, trying to find something new to read. He let the newspaper fall onto his lap and lifted the tongs. He released the catch and wangled the points round a large coal lying in the shovel and carefully placed it on the spare fire in the grate. The old woman regarded him gravely for a moment. When he smiled back her forehead wrinkled in a taut kindly expression. Her gaze roamed upwards to the clock then her eyelids closed over.
He glanced at the clock; 8.40. He should have been home by now. The poker was lying near his foot inside the fire-surround. He wanted to rake among the ashes to see if anything red remained. Perhaps there would be enough to kindle the lump and save the fire, perhaps the new lump was too big to catch light. The rustle as he turned a page of the paper seemed to reverberate around the narrow, high-ceilinged kitchen. There was nothing to keep him. His parents would be annoyed. The bus journey home took nearly an hour and during the long winter nights they liked him to be in bed by 10 o’clock. They would guess he was here.
He got to his feet, stretched. The movement roused the old woman; she muttered vaguely about apples being in the cupboard. He drank a mouthful of water straight from the brass tap at the sink then returned to his chair.
The fire looked dead. Lifting the poker suddenly he dug right into the ashes. The old woman bent forwards and took the poker from him without comment. Gripping it with her right hand she moved her left deftly in and out the coals. Finally she balanced the new lump on smaller pieces, her thin fingers indifferent to any heat which may have remained. The poker was put back in position; handle on the floor with its sooty point projected into the air, lying angled against the fender. Wiping her fingertips on her apron she walked to the door and through to the parlour.