“ I said Sadaiyo has always been clever. He never did anything in front of my parents other than taunt me, and all of his most vicious attacks he carefully planned so as to leave no trace of his hands upon them. I could never prove anything, so I usually kept silent and…and…”
Ashinji paused to take a slow, deep breath. Even after so many years, the pain could sometimes flare up so raw and hot, it stopped him in his tracks.
Jelena seemed to sense his hurt, for she moved closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. “If these memories are too painful for you, Ashi, you do not have to talk about them now,” she said quietly.
Ashinji shook his head. “No, I do want to talk…especially to you, now.” He kissed her lightly on the lips and continued. “The fact that I am so like our father only makes things worse. It draws us together, my father and me…makes us much more than just father and son; we are friends as well. Sadaiyo has never had that same closeness with Father, and he sees this as a threat. I think he believes Father is looking for any excuse to disinherit him…name me Heir instead, which I know our father would never do.”
“ You would make a far better Lord than Sadaiyo, Ashi,” Jelena interjected. “All here love you. I have heard…seen how much respect in their hearts they have for you. No one loves Sadaiyo. They fear the day he will become Lord.”
Ashinji sighed. “The real truth of it, beloved, is that I have never wished to usurp my brother’s position. All I’ve ever wanted is the chance to pursue a life of my own choosing. I was given to the military because that is what tradition dictates for every second born child of our House. I had no say in it, but if I had been given a choice, I would have gone to the university.”
“ Uni…ver…” Jelena stumbled over the unfamiliar word.
“ A place of learning. If I had been born a girl with a high level of Talent, I might have been sent to one of the mage schools… Anyhow, I’ve never given Sadaiyo any reason to fear me, yet his hostility has only grown worse over the years.”
“ Your sisters…Does he hate them also?”
“ Oddly enough, no. He ignores them, mostly. I think he believes that they are my mother’s concern, and are no direct threat to him, although my father dotes shamefully on all three of them.”
“ As if you do not!” Jelena teased.
Ashinji smiled broadly. “When Lani was a baby, I used to carry her around on my back all over the castle. I taught her how to ride and shoot a bow. She loves mathematics almost as much as I do. And the twins! The twins are…well, they are a force of nature!” Jelena laughed and nodded in agreement.
“ My father treats Sadaiyo with the respect due his eldest son and Heir, but I know in my heart he wishes that I had been born first. He can’t hide how he feels. Sadaiyo knows, and so any brotherly love he may have had for me has been poisoned beyond hope. The day he assumes the title is the last day I shall ever be welcome in Kerala.”
Ashinji had never spoken this bitter truth aloud, though he had carried it for so long within his heart. He felt strangely relieved, now that he had given voice to it-as if by saying the words, he had taken some of the pain out of it and could therefore accept his future exile more easily.
“ So you see, dearest love, I am a man with no prospects other than those the army affords me, but I don’t care. I’ll always have a place, and someday, I still hope to enter the university. The House of Sakehera will be my brother’s concern. Do you understand now why the question of your bloodline doesn’t matter?”
“ But I am half human , Ashi. That is still thought of as below elf,” Jelena pointed out.
“ Yes, you are right. I can’t deny the prejudice of many okui-purebloods-against those of mixed race, but things are changing for the better. In Sendai, there is a large community of hikui that has existed for many generations. I’ll take you there.”
He paused for a heartbeat as his voice caught in his throat. Her beauty took his breath away. “Jelena,” he continued, “I want a life with you, whether you know who your father is or not. I want children with you. I never wish us to be separated, ever. Please tell me that you’ll marry me.”
He searched her eyes for an answer, and she gave it to him in the form of a long, deep kiss.
Chapter 31
"So. This is the favor you would have from me. My son!”
“ Father, don’t…” Ashinji pleaded, then fell silent as Lord Sen rose up from his chair, arms crossed, a scowl creasing the corners of his mouth and eyes. Lady Amara remained seated, legs drawn up child-like, on the couch beneath her. Jelena risked a furtive glance at her face, trying in vain to decipher the emotions hidden beneath that smoothly beautiful mask, but she might as well try to read the face of a marble statue.
Sen took a breath as if to speak, but Amara put out her hand to touch his arm, stopping him. “Husband, wait,” she murmured. “Listen to what our son has to say first.” Sen’s scowl deepened, but he deferred to his wife’s request, nodding his head in permission for Ashinji to continue.
“ Father,” Ashinji began again. “Don’t be angry with Jelena. This was not her idea. I had to talk her into it. She wanted to wait until she found her elven kin, but I convinced her that she did not need to in order to marry me.” He paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “I love Jelena…more than my own life,” he declared. “I truly believe the One set her in my path so I would find her and the two of us could join our lives.”
As he spoke, Jelena kept her attention fixed on Ashinji’s face. His eyes burned with such intensity that she feared he would ignite the very air around him.
Sen’s expression softened. “This girl saved my life, ‘tis true,” he murmured, “and for that I owe her. But… marriage! Great Goddess!” He began to pace back and forth, shaking his head. “I have always been a tolerant man…a fair-minded man. You know this!” he insisted. “I was raised to believe that all of us, okui and hikui alike, are equal in the eyes of the One.”
Abruptly, Sen stopped pacing and turned to look at his son. “I…I can hardly bring myself to say it, I’m so ashamed,” he said softly. “But I must, nonetheless. Ashi, I know you love this girl, but…”
Jelena’s heart sank.
I should have never let Ashi talk me into this! I was such a fool to let myself believe, even for an instant, that we could ever be together!
“ She’s hikui and therefore unsuitable for the son of Lord Sen Sakehera. Is that what you’re trying to say, Father?”
Sen looked away, as if he found the heat of his son’s anger and disillusionment too much to bear.
Ashinji threw his head back and a bitter laugh escaped his lips. “So, when it comes right down to it,” he said, “everything you’ve always said you believe about equality is all lies.”
Sen flinched as if stung. “This isn’t easy for me, Son!” he shot back. “I hate that I feel this way!” His eyes begged for understanding. “I must ask you this…Have you considered what marriage to a hikui would mean?”
Ashinji closed his eyes, clearly struggling to rein in his emotions before speaking. “Yes, Father, I have,” he replied with the barest tremor in his voice. “I’ve given it a great deal of thought. I’m just a poor army captain, a second born son, not even worth considering…Why does it matter whom I marry?”
“ How dare you say that!” Sen hissed furiously. You are a Sakehera! Any child of my House, no matter his birth order, is worthy of consideration!”
Fervently, Jelena prayed for a hole to open in the floor beneath her and swallow her up.
“ Husband, please…Calm yourself,” Amara soothed. “Ashinji meant no disrespect. He is just trying to point out that he needn’t be bound by the same considerations that his brother was.”