I chose not to point out that his elite cousins were all big cats, not house cats. I also didn’t say that I was almost positive Pringle would win in a fight—what with his superior intellect and opposable thumbs.
“No more fights,” I said instead as we rounded the house, side by side, just in time to see a white van with the county insignia pull into our driveway. Well, this couldn’t be good.
A uniformed officer stepped out of the car and waved at me.“Good morning!” he called brightly as the day around me dimmed further.
“Hi,” I called back, swallowing down a fresh lump of anxiety. I set the live trap down onto the grass and hurried my pace to meet him.
“What’s that for?” the officer asked, motioning toward the live trap.
I stopped in my tracks, just a few paces away from him.“That? Oh, there was a raccoon in my house this morning. I thought I might be able to catch him and take him back outside.”
“Is the wild animal still in your home, Miss?” He reached for the radio looped onto his belt, sending a cold bolt of fear straight through me.
“No, he’s gone now,” I insisted just as quickly as I could, then shrugged, attempting to appear casual. “This is just in case he comes back.”
The officer frowned and dropped his hand from the radio.“Well, regardless of that situation. We received a complaint at animal control, and I was sent out to investigate.”
“Yes, I was at the new neighbor’s house when she called your office. I was trying to welcome her to the neighborhood. Lot of good that did.” I laughed bitterly despite myself.
“Judging from the call we received, I don’t think that’s a very good idea.” He shook his head and fixed his eyes on the driveway. “That new neighbor is quite the ornery sort. I’d steer clear if I were you.”
“Duly noted. Anyway, how can I help you, officer?”
His eyes floated up to meet mine and a sad smile filled his face.“Listen, I’m an animal lover too, and I know how hard it is when you’re in close quarters with someone who despises your pets. But the woman who called us was hysterical. It’s our job to follow due diligence in cases like this.”
I nodded along the whole time he was speaking, eager to send him on his way.“I understand. What do you need from me?”
“I’m going to need to check the tags and licenses for all your animals.”
I tipped my head toward Octo-Cat who sat silently watching the full exchange.“I don’t have that for my cat, but I can show you vet records if that helps.”
He eyed Octo-Cat for a moment before saying,“We really just need the paperwork for your two dogs.”
“Who is this clown?” Octo-Cat meowed and lifted his leg over his head to groom his kitty bits. “Should I claw him up for you?”
“No,” I shouted, eliciting a strange look from the animal control officer. “I mean, no, that’s not right. I only have one dog. Actually it’s my grandmother’s. She lives with me too. Um, do you need to see her paperwork also?”
My attempt at a joke was completely rebuffed.
Now the previously sympathetic officer wore a scowl as he regarded me.“The caller was quite insistent that there were two.”
“You can come look inside if it helps, but I only have one dog.” I needed to try harder to play nice. It wasn’t this guy’s fault that my new neighbor was certifiable.
“Is this the striped one, or the large black…” He paused to check his notes. “Hellhound?”
I smiled despite myself.“Tell you what, I’ll go get her along with the paperwork and you can see for yourself.”
When I returned with Paisley, the officer had a good long laugh.“Huge? She couldn’t be more than five pounds soaking wet.” He continued to laugh as he examined the Chihuahua’s tags and looked over her paperwork.
“Everything’s in order here, so I’ll let you off with a warning today,” he declared at last.
I let out a huge sigh of relief before realizing the news hadn’t all been good. “A warning for what?”
“Your neighbor asked us to file trespassing charges,” the officer revealed, then pressed his lips into a firm line.
“Are you serious? I just went over there to welcome her and offer some baked goods!”
“Not against you.” He nodded toward Paisley in my arms. “Her.Technically, the charge would be dog at large.”
“But that’s ridiculous!” I argued, ready to march right over there and give that old crow a piece of my mind.
He sucked air in through his teeth, then shook his head again.“Technically your neighbor is in the right. Your dog shouldn’t be on her property.”
“Oh, okay.” I looked down at the squirming pup in my arms while I spoke. “We’re just so used to that property being empty, but okay, I’ll make sure Paisley doesn’t venture back over onto her side of the woods from now on out.”
“It’s for the best.” The officer reached forward to scratch Paisley between the ears. “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Hopefully your new neighbor will cool down once she’s settled in, but somehow I doubt it. Maybe consider a fence or a dog run?”
The whole thing was absurd. I hadn’t had any luck, but maybe Nan could talk some sense into the woman next door. Surely this little squabble was something we could work out ourselves, right?
5
As it turns out, the squabble with the new neighbor next door was not, in fact, something we could settle ourselves.
That morning, Nan came back walking on clouds after touring the tulip festival with her beloved. When I told her about the contentious run-in with both the neighbor and with the animal control officer, she fired up her little red sports car and drove straight out to Misty Harbor to pick up some of our favorite lobster rolls from Little Dog Diner.
“The poor dear must be exhausted from her big move,” she reasoned as she held up the white paper bag filled with delicious fare. “I bet she’s famished too. I’m sure it’s nothing a little neighborly kindness can’t fix.”
I tried to warn her off what I considered to be a doomed plan, but she wouldn’t have it.
Nan told me to be more compassionate, leashed up Paisley, then disappeared next door while Octo-Cat and I sat together at the dining room table and got to work on our lobster rolls.
I was just licking my fingers clean when Nan returned holding up a banged-up, crumpled-up bag covered in dirty smudges.
“In all my life…” she huffed, slamming the bag into the kitchen trash. “I’ve never met such a bitter, such a detestable, evil old witch.”
Paisley followed close behind with her tail tucked between her legs and body cowering low to the ground.
“That bad, huh?” I asked sympathetically.
“Worse,” Nan said with a giant pout on her wrinkled face.
I resisted the urge to say“told you so,” and that was that.
I did make a mental note to check the yellow pages for some local fencing contractors and to set up a quote or two. Other than that, there wasn’t much I or anyone else could do, other than hope and pray the neighbor—whose name we still didn’t even know—would see herself out of the neighborhood.
And that she’d do so sooner rather than later.
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Nothing more happened for the rest of that day, which would later prove to be a rare and welcome break.
Because the very next morning, we received a second visit from animal control. This time a different officer stopped by with photos in hand as irrefutable proof that Paisley had crossed the invisible boundary that divided our two properties by at least three full inches.
Said boundary ran through the forest and was completely ensconced by trees. I didn’t even know where our yard ended and the neighbor’s began, butshedid apparently. She’d even set up trail cameras to capture any movement along the border. I argued that my right to privacy had been violated, but apparently I was once again on the wrong side of the law with that one.
I tried to put it out of my mind, but the rest of that day was spoiled same as the one before.