After at least two tense minutes, they turned tail and jogged back down the stairs.
“I don’t like her,” they agreed in perfect sync. Well, wasn’t that just perfect?
I waited to make sure they had gotten to wherever they were going, then descended the stairs myself. I was already way behind on my schedule, thanks to my minor breakdown. I really needed to get back on track. First I would—
“Angelaaaaaa!” my cat called as I passed his bedroom door. Oh, good gravy. More cat drama? Wasn’t I the lucky one?
I briefly contemplated ignoring the tabby, but then he added,“I know you’re out there, and I know you can hear me. Now come in here. We have something important to discuss.”
I hung my head and sucked in a deep breath, hoping it would give me strength for whatever confrontation lay in wait. Then I plastered on a smile and pushed the door open.
“It’s about time. I shouldn’t have to call more than once when I need you,” my cat chastised despite wearing a giant grin on his furry little face.
“What do you need?” I asked, too exhausted to play nice with him for much longer.
“I know you’re under a lot of stress right now, Angela, but I have good news to share. I’ve asked Grizabella to marry me, and she’s agreed.” He turned to the newly affianced feline and nuzzled her cheek with his.
“That’s great, guys,” I said, and I really meant it, too. They couldn’t really steal my thunder because no one else could understand their words or the change in their relationship status. “Congratulations.”
“Yes, Grizzy and I are thrilled to be spending the rest of our nine lives together. We’ve been talking and—”
I let out an audible groan and began tapping my foot.Oops.
Both cats curled up their faces in disgust.
Grizabella hissed.
Octo-Cat said,“Oh, sorr-ree if our love inconveniences you, Angela. I thought you’d be happy for us.”
I signed again. Really, I was only making matters worse here. Why couldn’t I just silently nod and smile until they released me form this room? Me and my big mouth… uh, foot.
“I am. I am. I’m sorry. I’m just stressed about other things,” I begged them to understand.
“As are we, which provides a perfect segue to my next point. The two naked creatures can’t stay here. This is my house, and now we’ll need the space for Grizzy and her human to join us under its roof. I will consent to UpChuck’scohabitery since he is your mate, but the nude interlopers cannot stay.” He lifted his chin as if to indicate the matter was settled.
Yeah, right.
I sighed heavily and wrung my hands.“I’ve already told you. Where he goes, they go.”
“Then I guess he goes too. Sorry, I know you liked him.”
I narrowed my eyes in disbelief.“Octavius, you’re being very unreasonable and very spoiled.”
The Himalayan showstopper gasped.“My sweet, does she always talk to you with such disrespect?”
Octo-Cat clucked his sandpaper tongue.“Far more than I would like, I’m afraid. I really need to train my human better.”
The two casts nodded in unspoken agreement.
“Great, well, I’m going,” I announced, stomping back toward the door to let myself out.
“I’m not finished with you yet, young lady,” Octo-Cat roared after me.
I immediately turned back to glare daggers at my tabby.“You are not my parent.” It was getting harder and harder to keep my voice level. In fact, I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs now. I honestly don’t know how I managed to restrain myself.
“And a good thing, too, or you would be living in a constant state of punishment. Anyway, if you refuse to meet our very reasonable demand, then we have an alternate offer.” The words came out of Octo-Cat’s mouth but sounded far more like Grizabella to me.
“I’m listening,” I managed to say without sneering. I hated giving in to this constant bullying, but at the same time, I’d gladly take an easy alternative if it meant getting him to accept the sphynx cats in our home once and for all.
“As you so astutely pointed out, you arenot our child.” He paused to nuzzle his feline fianc?e once more. Both their eyes grew wide as they turned back to me. “You are not our child, but wewould like to start a family. With your help, of course.”
Well, this was not what I had expected. I needed to let him down gently if I could.“Um, this is kind of awkward, but Octo-Cat, you’re neut—”
He cut me off with a hiss.“Don’t say that terrible word. I know what I am, but Grizabella has done some research, and she tells me that it can be reversible in humans who change their mind about starting a family. I’d like to request that mine be reversed too. Grizzy and I would like to start our family right away. And we’d like to try for biological kittens.”
“But, Octo-Cat, you’re neut—”
“Bah! Don’t say that word!”
Heat rushed to my cheeks. This was not a topic I enjoyed talking about with my cat and his girlfriend. Not one bit.“Your, um, procedure, is not reversible. They cut off your, uh,hairballs completely.”
“I know what they did,” he said stonily, staring off into the distance with unseeing eyes. “But Ethel loved me dearly—that was my first owner, darling—and as such, she must have saved them somewhere. Perhaps if you looked in the attic?”
“I…” I began, then, not knowing where to go from there, clamped my jaw shut.
Thank goodness, my phone buzzed with a text. I pulled the tiny screen out of my pocket and read the electronic missive that had just arrived from my mother:
Two minutes away.
A giant, enthusiastic smile bloomed on my face. It was so wide, my cheeks hurt, but I didn’t care. I’d been saved from this awkward and un-reproductive conversation, at least for now anyway.
6
I stepped out onto the porch to wait for my next batch of wedding guest arrivals. A quick glance around the property revealed that both RVs had been parked somewhere I couldn’t see, while the film crew had ventured into the woods that separate my house from the murder house next door. We hadn’t gotten a new neighbor since the last one was murdered, and since two former tenants had been murdered within the last two years, I suspected the house was beginning to get the kind of reputation that would keep it vacant for many more to come.
I wasn’t sure what the film crew needed in the forest, but I didn’t have much time to wonder about it before a black luxury SUV pulled into my driveway and stopped a few feet from the porch. Dad parked while Mom and Grandma Lyn poured out from the back of the vehicle.
“Look who made it safe and sound,” Mom crooned as I rushed forward to dole out hugs. At this point I was grateful for all the excuses to wrap my arms around the people I love. So what if I’d given out dozens upon dozens of hugs that day? I still needed more to help soothe my tortured bridezilla soul.
Grandma Lyn only lived a few hours away from Blueberry Bay, but she was uncomfortable driving long distances on her own. As such, Mom had readily volunteered to pick up her long-lost biological mother and make an adventure out of it. And since she never went anywhere without Dad, he got to play chauffeur—a role he seemed to take very seriously, given the suit and dark sunglasses he now wore. From the looks of him, I guessed he was serving double duty as their bodyguard as well. I kept my laugh to myself. My family turned everything into a larger-than-life experience, and I was exactly like each and every one of them. I sure hoped Charles knew what he was getting into.
Just as I finished with the first round of hugs and went in for the second, a red Audi coupe zoomed up the driveway, parking right behind the SUV.
“Mommy, Mommy, we’re home!” Paisley cried from the open window of the red car. All eyes zoomed to the little dog, sitting proudly on Sharon’s lap in the passenger seat.
Grandma Lyn shot me a questioning glance, which reminded me… “Grandma, could you come inside with me for a quick sec? There’s something I need to tell you one-on-one. We’ll be right back,” I promised my parents as Sharon and Nan continued to fiddle with something inside the sports car without exiting.