Speaking of, I’d already spotted both Yo-Yo the Yorkie and her human Mitch in the audience today. I was so glad they could make it, since they’d unwittingly played a huge role in the start of our story.
It wasn’t until Octo-Cat was kidnapped by his previous owner’s disinherited relatives that our tale turned to love. Charles helped me get my missing cat home safe and sound, and then we’d celebrated that victory with our first kiss. The rest, as they say, is history. It’s been a wild ride, but oneI wouldn’t dream of sharing with anyone else.
“Angela Russo!” Reverend Mags shouted, startling me from my daydream stroll down memory lane. “Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”
“Oops. Could you repeat that last bit?” Heat rushed to my cheeks while the audience laughed good-naturedly.
Charles chuckled too and mouthed,“I love you.”
“I love you,” I whispered back, forgetting to listen to Mags once again.
She waved a hand in front of my face.“Hello? Angie? Do you have vows or not?”
“Uh…” I had, in fact, prepared very personal, very heartfelt vows. They’d undergone at least nine drafts until I was sure they were perfect, but they also seemed wholly inadequate now that the moment was actually here. On top of that, there was an even bigger issue—I was having a hard time remembering them despite how hard I’d practiced.
“Uh?”Maggie prompted as she rolled her eyes, eliciting more bemused laughter from the audience.
“I just want to hurry up and make this man my husband,” I admitted breathily. “Can we skip forward to the next part?”
The way my guests laughed at that made me wonder if I’d missed out on my true calling as a stand-up comedian.
Mags looked toward Charles for his okay.
“I do,” he said without taking his eyes off me.
I squeezed both of his hands as a thrill rushed through me.“I do, too.”
“Well, I don’t,” rose a voice from behind the object of my affection. I craned my neck but couldn’t see who had dared to rain on my beautiful parade.
“Yeah, I don’t either,” a second voice chimed in.
And suddenly it all clicked.
The whispers in the night…
The voices I’d heard outside the door right before I got locked in…
I hadn’t recognized them because they hadn’t been speaking in their usual pattern of complaints beginning in “I don’t like.”
But this whole time it had been Jacques and Jillianne. At some point, the sphynxes had apparently made it their mission to destroy the wedding, and this right here was their very last chance to do just that.
Unfortunately for them, this bridezilla refused to go down without a fight.
14
I smiled nervously and glanced back over my shoulder toward Grandma Lyn. She was the only one other than me who could understand the animals. Everyone else in attendance just let out a collectiveaww at how cute the kitty bridal party was acting now that they had decided to get in on the ceremony for themselves.
It was good that no one else could hear their protests, but it still hurt my heart all the same. It was especially difficult knowing there was nothing I could do without risking revealing my secret for all our guests—along with all the reality TV junkies in America—to see.
“I don’t like this house,” Jacques mewled, stepping away from his spot at the altar and crossing in front of me. “And I don’t want to live here.”
“I don’t like your cat, and I don’t like you!” Jillianne followed her smaller companion as she hissed, finally alerting the onlookers that something might be wrong here.
Christine, our dedicated cat wrangler, reached for the sphynxes, but they dodged all of her attempts at capture.
I shot Grandma Lyn a pleading look. I didn’t want her to miss the rest of the ceremony, but she was literally the only person who could maybe talk some sense into these two naked protestors.
She nodded and moved forward, but before she could cross the altar to the other side, Octo-Cat sprang into action.
“How dare you insult me, and how dare you insult my human on her special day!” he shouted, initiating a cat fight for the second time that day. His hair stood up along his spine, and his tail had grown fat and extra fluffy. “I don’t like the two of you either, but I love my human and she loves your human, so that’s that. Stop acting like spoiled brats, and fall in line,” he growled, then swatted each of the hairless cats in the face.
They stared back at him and wagged their rat-like tails furiously. I imagined that if they had fur, it would also be standing on end.
“Make me say it again. I dare you!” Octo-Cat yowled, wagging his tail now too. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so angry before, and I hoped to never see him this angry again.
Paisley ran over wagging her tail, apparently having no idea what was going on but still wanting to be part of it.
Jillianne reared back and turned toward Paisley.
“Touch the dog, and I will end you,” Octo-Cat warned, moving himself protectively in front of the Chihuahua.
“Oh, my man is so brave!” Grizabella swooned, then began licking her paw excitedly.
Grandma Lyn made a grab for Jillianne, and this time she caught the rascally creature. At the same time, Christine yanked Jacques into her arms. Both cats meowed their disdain, but neither managed to break free.
Leading up to the wedding, I’d thought the real threats to my happy day would come from a seagull and a raccoon, but the cats in my life were proving that nobody could out-drama a feline. I’d spent lots of time with Jacques and Jillianne during Charles’s and my relationship—and especially since our engagement—tryingto bond with the hairless duo. It seemed that all my work had been in vain. As hurt as I was now, I would make it my mission to one day win them over. They were important to Charles, so they were important to me, even if my two step-cats seemed to think I was working full-time to ruin their collective life.
Charles squeezed my hands, and Minister Mags cleared her throat, bringing all eyes back to her.“And that, folks, is why they say to never work with animals or children.”
A few strained laughs from the guests punctuated her statement.
“Anyway, let me give you a quick recap of what we’ve done so far. In lieu of sharing their vows, both the bride and groom skipped straight to ‘I do.’ So this is the part where I ask anyone with objections to speak now or forever hold their peace.”
“I object! Me! I do!” Jillianne shouted from Grandma Lyn’s arms and was immediately shushed.
“Okay, no human objections?” Mags quipped, having no idea how right she’d just gotten it. “Then I now pronounce—”
“Wait, not yet, I object!” another voice called from the top of the aisle. Everyone turned as one to view the interloper, but this objection I didn’t mind. Instead a huge smile broke out on my face.
“Grant! Where have you been?” Nan demanded from behind me as her boyfriend, the local jewelry store owner, paced quickly up the aisle.
“Dorothy Loretta Lee, it was so hard keeping this secret from you,” he sang, striding forward as he reached into the breast pocket of his rented tux and took out a small velvet box, which was hot pink, of course.
“Honey, what are you doing?” Nan stepped forward cautiously and met up with Grant partway down the aisle.” You can’t just object to my granddaughter’s wedding,” she scolded.
“I don’t object to the wedding happening. I object to it being over before I get my chance to…” He popped open the box to reveal an exquisite ring made of silver, ruby, and amethyst. “To ask whether you’d like to make it a double. Marry me, Dorothy. Right here, and right now.”