I itched for Henry Arundell to go but he was in no hurry. It seemed that when a new incumbent to this living was appointed, Sue would move out to a small house in Helston which had been the property of her husband. She would then, said Mr Arundell complacently, be much nearer Truthall, and he looked forward to the day when they would become neighbours. Anything he could do for the relict lady of his late beloved friend he would do with the utmost pleasure and satisfaction. Puffing through his red lips, he looked at Sue with a benevolence I at once suspected.
She turned to me, hair and eyelashes glinting in the lattice light. “Maugan, my dear, after you called last time I took the liberty of speaking to Mr Arundell about you. As you know, he was seeking a steward of personality and education who could take over the day to day care of his estate. I told him about you, how gifted you were, your experience already gained as a secretary.”
I stared at her. One low-cut slipper of black satin was tapping gently on the green oblong of carpet.
“Unhappily, because you were so long a captive, Mr Arundell has been compelled to find someone else, so alas the opportunity is gone.”
Henry Arundell grunted. “Good man I’ve got. Of course he’s married with a considerable family much older than you, Killigrew. Difficult to know if you would have been able to command the authority.”
I moistened my lips, and looked again at Sue, who was smoothing one of the ribbons of her girdle.
“But also,” Sue went on, “at the same time when we were talking over this I did ask Mr Arundell if, supposing he felt you were too young for the stewardship, he would intervene on your behalf with his cousins in London. His cousins the Howards. And he promised he would do this. Can I still rely on you for this kindness, Henry?”
There was a long silence in the room.
“That Ill do for you, Susanna. I have little or no influence with Lord Thomas the sailor. But Lord Henry I know well, and a letter of commendation from me would do much. He has many interests: in art, in letters, in learning, in public charities.” Mr Arundell blew through his lips. “He is often on the look-out for likely young men. I have no doubt he would find you some employment, Killigrew.”
As I opened my mouth to speak Sue interrupted me with her thanks. Every word she said seemed to please Arundell the more. It occurred to me that I had seen Ralegh himself politic and hypocritical on more than one occasion. If I rejected this out of hand and to his face I might mortally offend Sue, who was acting with what she conceived to be my interests at heart. I could afford to be politic. Now that she was a widow my life would begin for the first time.
“Thank you, sir,” I said. “I’m greatly obliged.”
Mr Arundell then made a move to go, but Sue persuaded him to stay on a while, and before he left she not only had the letter to Lord Henry Howard written for me to present but the promise that a further letter should leave Truthall tomorrow to be sent direct to his Lordship, commending his attention to Mr Maugan Killigrew when Mr Maugan Killigrew called.
Mr Arundell invited me to spend the night with him. On my declining he was careful to ascertain that I should spend it at Godolphin. I felt that his care for her proprieties was greater than need be.
When we had seen him off and the outer door was shut but two of the servants were present she said to me formally; “You will sup here, Maugan?”
“Gladly, thank you.”
She linked her arm in mine and led me into the drawing-room. The companion seemed about to follow but Sue said smiling: “I’ll ring for you, Florence.”
Back against the door as the door closed, my lips against her neck. Black taffeta rustled; the slight figure seemed to melt even though stiffened by the whale-bone bodice, scent of sandalwood, her fingers smoothing my hair. My lips moved to hers. In two years I had thought I had become cynical, hardened. Not so. I drowned in her, had no conscious life outside this. I muttered wild endearments, unremembered as soon as spoken, trying to give words to wordless passion.
At length she moved to be free, lowering her head, shaking one hand as if it hurt. I looked after her as she walked to the window. She was trying hard to be composed.
“Sue … it seems a century …”
“Is nearly. So much has happened. When you came in today I could hardly believe … I’ve so often prayed.”
“Perhaps that saved me. Thinking of you often saved my reason. In prison I used to make up conversations, go over old ones, picture the way you looked...”
“When I heard you were captured again, I thought, This was what I was afraid of. I felt it that time you came, you remember I didn’t want you to go ! Then your letter. Nothing since your letter … Oh, Maugan.”
I followed her, put my arm about her. We stayed like that for a long time. From this window you could see a mason working on the church tower.
“Tell me what happened. Tell me everything.”
“No, later. When will that woman come in?”
“Wait a little, Maugan. I’m a widow only by seven weeks.99
“Is he buried here?”
“No, at the family church near Reskymer.”
“Tell me about that.”
She told me. I heard, but again remember nothing. I think she said he had died suddenly. All I know was that I could feel her breathing, watch movements of her hands and lips and eyelids.
We sat down to supper. The woman Florence was there. I used the time to tell Sue of what had happened in Spain again omitting the murder of Buarcos, the pact with de Prada my conversion to the Catholic faith. It seemed to run well enough without these things.
There were differences in Sue, noticed in embryo on an earlier visit. The enchanting person I remembered, without losing any of her enchantment, had come by a quiet maturity and a quiet authority. Servants were at her beck and call, she gave orders smilingly but without hesitation or shyness. Three years of modest affluence. Three years of change. Other people though living more quietly than I, had lived too.
After supper the woman Florence stayed on, but at length Sue dismissed her. It was now seven, and if I was to reach Godolphin before they all were abed I must leave soon.
I said: “Sue, when can we marry? “
“Maugan, not yet … Sometime next year, I don’t know when.”
“Next year. Early next year.”
“Yes. But there has to be a little time.99
“And until then?”
“Now it’s so near, my dear, let’s not snatch at it. Secret, stolen meetings would spoil what we feel for each other.”
“Sue, you still feel the same?”
“Can you doubt it?”
“I need you so much that I’m afraid. You seem to look on the prospect of delay with a greater composure than I can.”
“Perhaps it’s my nature to. The way I have lived has made me so. But what we have waited four years for will not sour with waiting four months. In the first place it will be more seemly. In the second I must settle up Philip’s affairs. In the third you’ll have the opportunity to see Lord Henry Howard and know if he can propose anything.”
“Ah, that I couldn’t understand. Last time we met we went into that, and I said I was promised to Ralegh and wished to remain so.”
“But that was when you were about to sail. That was a loyalty I could understand. But now you’re back, after all this time, you’re bound to no one. You’ve gained nothing from the voyage except much suffering. It’s the usual experience for those who follow Ralegh.”