There was an awkward pause.
“I take no heed,” Sue said lightly. “And I have you, my sweet, to guard over me.”
“He has been better since I told Jonathan. But Jonathan should put his foot down firm. After all he is well, he is almost master of Tolverne.”
We sat down twelve to supper that night at the main table: there were several relatives I did not remember having met before and as soon forgot. Sir Anthony did not come in until the meal was half finished, and then he appeared at the door in his dressing-gown, with a servant at his back carrying a candelabrum. I did not think he had changed much in looks but his presence cast long shadows of silence over the table, which had not been lively by Arwenack standards when he came in.
When the meal broke up, Thomas was with me; I wanted to shake him off and seek out Sue; but he said: “Come in here a minute,” and led me into another chamber where there was a spinning wheel and other evidence of women’s occupation.
“My dear cousin Jack has sent you?”
“Jack? “
“Jack Arundell of Trerice. I imagine he is employing you to spy on us.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
He stared at me with his angry little eyes, which gleamed red in the light of the single candle. Slowly his expression calmed. “Oh, no matter then.”
“But it does matter. What are you talking of?”
“Nothing. Forget I spoke.”
“I can’t do that.”
He stared out of the window a moment and then flicked the curtain across. “My father, as you will have seen, is becoming of unstable mind.”
“Oh, no. Eccentric maybe …”
“If he is not incapable of looking after his affairs this year he will be so next. It is a rotting of the vital matter which is going on all the time. It is not to be wondered at.”
“What makes you say that?”
“We are a doomed family. Some of us at least. It is an evil seed in our inheritance. My grandfather’s two eldest brothers, Alexander and Richard, both became idiots and incapable of managing their affairs while still in their twenties. That was how my grandfather inherited. My father has been lucky: he is near fifty. So it will go on, I fancy.”
“Perhaps you take too gloomy a view.”
“Perhaps. But the disease has taken a religious turn in my father as it did in my uncle Thomas who went on a pilgrimage to Rome thirteen years ago and has never returned. That’s all. That’s why it’s more important.”
“Your father is deeply troubled over religion; many are, and it doesn’t mean they’re insane because of it. I think your father is swaying towards the old religion again.”
“Swaying! He would have us all swaying on the gibbet in Launceston gaol if he were not restrained … That’s why I thought you were a party to Jack of Trerice’s scheme to spy on him and have him attainted. You seem a likely type for Jack to employ.”
Thomas stood with his hands on his hips ready to fight, fair hair curling about his face. Already he was running to fat, and his chin was so smooth he could hardly have begun to shave. But he was no weakling.
I said: “I cannot for the second time abuse your hospitality.”
“What? Oh, I see; that way. You rushed at me unawares that time. Well, why did you come, then? To see Sue?”
“Why do you suppose Jack has any scheme to spy on you?”
Outside an owl was screeching. There was no moon tonight and I knew it would be very black among the trees.
“And if anything happens to my father,” he said, “look at Jonathan. Another such. Weakly and insecure; he’ll as like as not run on the rocks himself in one way or another … And then there’s me. Well, I tell you, I hate this house, for it’s dank and lush and ungodly. If it comes to me, I shall drop it through my fingers and move away. I’m not like th’ others, thank God. I take after my mother who’s solid Godolphin stock. If I have my way we’ll make an end of the Arundells here I “
“You’re not likely to have your way,” I said.
“All right, bastard, tell me why.”
But this time I would not be provoked. “Your brother is well enough and young. He’s just married and will have a family. They’ll inherit here, not you.”
The boy laughed harshly. “Jonathan … I wonder … That’s another unhealthful symptom of our family. My grandfather had three brothers and a sister: none of ‘em married. My father has two brothers and a sister: none of ‘em married. Well, you can work that out as you fancy. But I can tell you, whatever was wrong with them, it’s skipped met”
As he finished speaking his mother came in, and with her were Gertrude and Sue. Talk was general until just as she was leaving Sue was able to get a word alone with me. She whispered: “Meet me in the herb shed at eleven. Move quiet, for Elizabeth sleeps light.”
It was dark but not cold in the herb shed, and aromatic of thyme and rosemary and marjoram. I lost count of time waiting. There was one faint light I could see through the door and it helped to break the blackness. At last I heard her light footstep. I hissed faintly to show her I was there and she crept over to me. I made room for her beside me on a low bench and for a moment or two she was quite silent. There was a sweet sick delight in the moment for me: all the thrill of meeting shadowed by the realization that it might be the last meeting for months and that we were, by our lack of age and position and money, as far apart as ever.
Then she made some slight movement, and I realised she was shivering.
“Are you cold?”
She shook her head. I put my arm round her and felt her quivering against me.
She said: “Hold me, Maugan.”
I held her and felt an exaltation steal over me. It was like being a father and a lover and a prince all in one. I was strengthened and uplifted by her weakness until I could have sung.
“Sweet,” I said. “Sweet Sue. Sweet Sure, Beet love. Sweet darling. Sue, Sue, Sue.” It we:, a solve song to me as beautiful as the Song of SolQ=opl, I kissed her and found she was crying.
“Oh, my ‘~e,” I said. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry.” I half knelt beside her, trying to comfort her.
In a few minutes she said: “Sorry. I’m sorry. But it was seeing you again after so long. I was afraid you would g-go and I should have no word with you.”
“That wouldn’t have happened because I came only to see you.”
“You did? But I wondered, I never heard, I did not even know you had been to Aunt Kate’s, I thought you’d forgotten me. Why didn’t you write, Maugan?”
“Each week I thought I should be able to come, and each week could not. I thought there would be no welcome for me here, and therefore …” I tailed off, too dazed with her to be coherent. “Why are you so unhappy? There is Elizabeth and Gertrude …”
“Oh, I’m not unhappy. I know I’m lucky to be here; but it is the thought that my own home is broken up and win never return, and being away from my own people altogether, nothing of my own … And then it was seeing you. I’m sorry, Maugan. I’ll not embarrass you again.”
“And Thomas?” I said.
“Well, yes, he can be tiresome. But it’s nothing. Elizabeth should not have mentioned it.”
“Isn’t that really why you are uncomfortable here? … Sue, answer me.”
“Oh, what does it matter? I have other things. Let’s not spoil this moment.”
I took her hand and she stood up beside me. Her hand moved up to my shoulder. I drew her to me and kissed her, for the first time not like a boy but a man. She kissed me back, leaning against me. At that moment I could have conquered the world. I kissed her tenderly, fiercely, comfortingly, experimentally. It went to my head like a drug.