Chapter Six…
Case History:
Name: Helga N.
Age: 44
Helga is a large, heavy-set woman with a strong face. She is married to an executive in a large business machine company. She did not come to my office willingly, but only because a judge in a criminal action against her advised her to seek psychiatric help. Like others who were sent to me against their will, she resented me.
“A psychologist! What kind of job is that for a man? I think all you head doctors are phonies. You cause more trouble than cures. I've known women who've been going to head doctors for years and they keep getting worse. One of them gave up on her doctor and she improved right away. I think you people like to keep crazy people crazy because of the fees you keep getting. I'm only here because of the court. Once the judge gets off my back, I'm dropping you, baby, like a hot coal.
“In case you don't know it by now, I've been charged with assault. Imagine that? How many women do you know are taken to court for beating up men? I guess that's why people think I'm crazy; it's supposed to be the other way around. Well, women have been assaulted by men for centuries, so it's time we had our innings.
“The guy asked to be beaten, anyhow. He didn't put it in so many words, but I know his type. They enjoy having women dominate them. My husband is the same way. He may have an important job at the business machine company, but he is really a spineless jerk. Oh, he's smart enough and all that, but he's no man at all.
“My father wasn't a man, either. As a matter of fact, I don't think I have ever met a real man in my life. Women are the stronger sex even though we don't have muscles. If it wasn't for women, men would still be living in caves.
“Let me explain to you about my father. He was a failure and he took it out on his wife and four of us kids. He worked in a cafeteria handing out food, a job anyone with a grain of sense could do. He didn't bring in much money, and he drank half of that. When he got loaded, he took to beating up my mother. When he got tired of pushing her around, he turned on us kids. I was the oldest, so I was the biggest target. 'Bastards!' he used to scream. 'You're not mine!'
“He enjoyed claiming that we were not his children because this gave him the excuse he needed to desert us later on. I was glad to see him go, even if we did have to go on welfare. I promised myself that no man would ever push me around.
“I was sixteen before I let a boy put his hands on me sexually. I guess I wanted to see what all the shouting was about. He was a couple of years older, but a lot more experienced. He took me out into the woods and we stripped. The boy placed a rubber over his stiff prick because he didn't want to knock me up. I was grateful to him for that much, anyhow.
“He had me lie down on the ground and then he got on top of me. As soon as his body touched mine, I wanted to leave. I hated the idea that he could have his way with me. Still, I stayed in place while he pushed his rod into my body. He was so aroused that he didn't waste time warming me up to the sex first. When he stabbed me with his cock, I felt as if I were not really there under him, but actually watching the scene several feet away. Sex was supposed to be exciting, but I was cold to it. To me, it was just an uncomfortable pain in the crotch.
“While girls my age started to get married, I remained single. I just couldn't see what was so great about getting married. Why tie yourself down to some jerk for the rest of your life? The only advantage I could see in marriage was being supported by a guy. I told myself if I ever did marry, it would be for money and money alone.
“I was almost thirty when I met Andrew. He was an up and coming junior executive at the business machine company he worked with even then. He was five years younger than I, but he seemed to prefer older women. I pegged him right away as one of these men who just had to have a woman henpeck him. This was something I was more than willing to do.
“Andrew came from a home consisting of three older sisters and a battle-ax of a mother. His father, like mine, had deserted him as a child. This was about the only thing we had in common. The desertion made him weak while it made me strong. Being the only male in the house, his mother and sisters drained what manhood he had, leaving a pale shell. As the oldest child in my family, I had to pick up the burden of financial support as soon as I got old enough and this made me tough. I was too tough for any man to dominate, so I did the dominating.
“On our wedding night, I told my husband I wanted rest more than sex and he was too much of a jerk to say otherwise. From the very beginning I showed him where we stood. The following morning I let him crawl on top of me. When he rammed his penis inside my body, it still felt like nothing more than a pain in the crotch. I just couldn't see what the big deal was about sex.
“If Andrew had any manhood, he would've objected to the way I ordered him around, but he seemed to like having a strong hand in his life. His mother had told him what to do until he was twenty-five and now I took over.
“Andrew was grateful to me because I gave him his first sex experience. Before marrying me, he had been too timid to force himself upon a girl. Actually a girl had to force herself upon him since he didn't have the nerve to fuck. All through our marriage, my husband asked me for sex and never once did he ever dare to screw me without permission. I didn't care much for sex, but I let the poor idiot use my body now and then because he was paying for it.
“We have a son who is at boarding school. I found pregnancy so repulsive that I had myself fixed by surgery after the delivery so that I would never have another child. I hated taking care of my son as a baby and I hired a girl to do it. Once the boy was old enough, I packed him off to a boarding school.
“Why did I have a baby in the first place? I guess I just wanted to see what it was like just as I wanted to see what sex was like at the age of sixteen. Motherhood impressed me as just another pain in the crotch. I despised myself walking around with a big belly all the time. When I gave birth, it was like getting rid of a tumor.
“The one good thing about having the boy, though, was that Andrew couldn't get rid of me so easily. As the mother of his only child, I was something more than a woman he was living with. Yes, after awhile my husband got tired of being pushed around. He talked about divorce a few times, but I always shut him up. No man was going to get rid of me; I got rid of them.
“Andrew was too good a catch to let go. Right now he's making a thousand dollars a week and he's still rising in the company. He may even head it some day. I'd be mad to let him divorce me. If he ever did get serious about the divorce, I would take custody of our son and that is something he couldn't bear. The boy is the only one he has ever loved.
“A few years ago my husband moved into his own room at the house. Before that we had been growing apart slowly so the break didn't come as a surprise. Since we never did have anything like a happy sex life, it really didn't matter if we became two strangers living under the same roof.
“I knew that Andrew would never take up a mistress; he just didn't have the guts or the balls. However, I, as always, was different. With my son out of the house and my husband having as little to do with me as possible, I needed another jerk to push around.
“I met Steven at a company party. He was a loud-mouthed man who liked to think of himself as a lady-killer. He was in his thirties, but he dressed in mod clothes, trying to pass himself off as a kid. He was married to a dowdy woman who was more interested in their children than in him, so I could right away know that he was in the mood for some action. His clothes alone gave him away. Steven was trying to recapture his youth which meant he wasn't very happy being middle-aged. The bastard just had to prove that he was still sexy.