“He was now mine to do with as I pleased. I took him into my husband's bedroom because I knew he kept a supply of belts. When I ordered Roger to strip, he quickly complied. He was so anxious to have sex that he was already in a state of erection.
“I wrapped one of my husband's belts around his ankles and then secured his wrists together behind his back with another belt. 'Kneel down,' I ordered and Roger did as he was told.
“When I took off my clothes, he gazed at me with liquid eyes as dogs do to their masters. I stood in front of him. He leaned forward to mouth me, but I stepped back. 'Not until I say so,' I told him.
“I looked down at the big man kneeling there staring up at me. So many men are so willing to submit themselves to women. They will take any kind of humiliation just for a little sex. I turned around and pushed my ass against his face. 'Lick,' I told him.
“Roger didn't hesitate a moment. He licked my buns and even ran his tongue along my anus. He got more excited and sucked hickies on my rump. I just couldn't see how he could do it. I wouldn't do that to any man if my life was at stake. But, as I've told you, men are the weaker sex.
“I turned around again and let Roger lick my vagina. He chewed on my box and it was frustration for him to do it because he couldn't grab hold of me as he wanted. His frustration was my joy; the more he suffered, the better I liked it.
“Once I got tired of his mouthing, I told him to flatten out on the floor with his ass up. He complied without question. I took another of my husband's belts and lashed down at his hairy buns and his broad back. I didn't pull my punches and I watched red welts criss-cross along his pale skin. Roger kept gasping in pain as I whipped him, but he didn't plead for me to stop. The bastard needed pain just as my husband needed humiliation and domination.
“My arms got weary, but my entire being tingled with life. I preferred beating men than loving them. I wish the hell I had found out about this sooner.
“I let Roger lie there for over an hour and he began to wonder when… or if… I would ever let him go. Naturally I couldn't keep him trussed up like that forever, especially with my husband due home shortly, so I dressed and then undid the belts. For a brief moment I was afraid that he might lash out at me, but he was a meek as a lamb. 'Can I see you again?' he asked.
“I told him that I would think about it and he put on his clothes. When he left, I felt really happy for the first time in my life. It was a grand and good sensation binding up men and beating them. I almost wanted to do the same to my spineless husband, but I was afraid that he might like it so much he would never stop pestering me.
“Finding me willing to suffer at my hands was no problem. I picked up one fellow at a party who thought I was just another bored housewife wanting a roll in the hay. When I went to his apartment, I surprised him with my desires for flagellation and cunnilingus. He didn't object to being tied and whipped with his own belts. He enjoyed performing oral sex acts upon my ass and vagina.
“It wasn't long before I bought whips and leather straps. I was becoming a female version of Marquis de Sade. My husband knew that I was bringing men to the house and seeing them in their apartments, but he never said anything. By this time we were divorced emotionally, if not legally. He assumed that I was having adulterous relationships. I suppose he was secretly glad that someone else was taking care of what sexual needs I had. As for him… I doubted if he had any sexual needs left. He hadn't been much of a man when I married him and now he was a nothing.
“Jack, a guy of about forty who serviced my car, became my latest piece of meat. He had never been married and his mouth watered every time he saw a woman. When I brought him to the house with the excuse that I needed him to start my car, he quickly bent to my sexual will. Jack had never had much of a sex life, and he was only too ready to try anything I wanted.
“He took off his clothes and his body offended me. He was flabby, hairy and not even clean. I took a few drinks to brace myself before the session began. Jack not only allowed me to tie him with the leather straps, he even helped secure his legs together. 'You'll let me do things, won't you?' he pleaded. 'You'll let me go down on you, right?'
“Jack made me sick. When he was completely tied, I stood in front of him while he knelt and had him lick my pussy. He was so hungry for sex of any kind that he tore at me with his teeth. I was just drunk enough and mean enough to do something about it. I picked up the whip and lashed him as hard as I could.
“The tubby creep cried out in pain. I lashed him again. 'No more!' he begged.
“Blood appeared on his hairy body. When I used the whip, I always hold back, but not this time. I wanted to see just how much I could hurt a man. I lashed and lashed while he screamed in agony. Soon his whole body was covered with blood and he tried to roll away from me. I guess I lost my head and I couldn't stop.
“Jack lay on the floor unconscious and I was sure I had killed him. This thought didn't bother me at all. What would it be like to actually kill a man? Surely murder must rank as the crime of crimes.
“I took a few more drinks and fell asleep in a chair. When my husband came home and saw me naked and drunk and the gas station man unconscious and bloody, I could imagine what his reaction was like. He called an ambulance for the man who was not going to die after all. The police questioned me and I couldn't think of a good lie. How could anyone explain away a situation like the one my husband found me in? It was the truth and the gas station man backed me up. I thought that would be the end of it, but the creep charged me with assault!
“When the judge heard all the evidence, he didn't know what to do. Jack, after all, had willingly allowed himself to be tied and beaten. I just went a bit too wild with the whip, that's all. The judge told my husband that he would drop all charges if I sought professional help. Now I know that this is all bullshit, but I'm willing to pay you for your time. After a few sessions, you'll give the court a good report and then the matter will finally be dropped. I'll make it worth your while, doctor. What do you say?”
DIAGNOSIS:
I did not accept Helga's bribe, for to do so would be an injustice to the community and my own ethics. The woman was clearly a sadist of the worst sort and she required more than out-patient treatment… she needed to be placed in an institution for an extended period of time.
Helga's sickness began when she saw how her father treated her mother. She became a man-hater very early in life because of the beatings she suffered at the hands of her father and is a classic case of what becomes of the “battered child”. Sidney Furst, in his study, PSYCHIC TRAUMA, maintains that children who are severely beaten, usually grow up to be child beaters themselves. Helga hurt her only child by sending him to a boarding school as soon as he was old enough. She then turned her sadistic streak on her husband. When Andrew had enough, even for a masochist, he withdrew from her life, leaving her to seek other victims.
Since Helga received no love as a child, she grew into a frigid woman. When she allowed a boy to have relations with her at the age of sixteen, it was more as an experiment than anything else. She wasn't really involved in her own seduction because she claimed that she had the feeling that she was viewing it from several feet away. Helga did not have another sex relationship until she married almost twelve years later. The woman married a man she did not love for financial security alone, and just as coldly had a child in order to have a hold on the man's pocketbook. Once this was accomplished, she destroyed her ability to have any more children.
William Robie, in his book, SEX AND LIFE, claims that women who resent the idea of having children are really in flight from their own womanhood. These females usually come from unhappy homes and they dislike the idea of giving children love they did not receive when they were young. Helga not only had not received love as a child, she was never sure if the man her mother was married to was really her natural father since he always made a point of denying his parentage. This, coupled with beatings, made the girl hate the idea of love, marriage and motherhood.