Guilt

'I can't say I'm in a state of bliss, but I'm fine.'

'Which is why you're getting all the facts on annulment?'

'I don't want an annulment. I don't want a divorce. And I'm not suicidal.' He pointed a finger. 'Annulment came up and I thought since you and Lydia… I thought you'd be fascinated. I thought maybe it could help you somehow.'

'How?'

'Well, the short answer is it can't.'

'Great. That is fascinating.'

Dooher was smiling. 'Nevertheless, I thought there might be something in it for you, so since Stockman brought it up, I asked. But the bad news is that there's no annulment without a civil divorce. Which of course puts you back where you are.'

'That's okay. Bart and I are happy here, starving and all.' But Farrell the lawyer couldn't let it go, even if it didn't affect him directly. 'I thought the only way you could get an annulment was if you never consummated the marriage, and somehow the existence of my children would cost me credibility there.'

'The other way to get an annulment is if one of the spouses isn't psychologically capable of making a real commitment.'

Farrell sat back in his chair, his hands outstretched. 'Well, there you are! You have just described my soon-to-be-ex-wife. Psychologically, possibly pathologically, incapable of commitment, that's her all over.'

'Wes, you were married for twenty-seven years.'

'Twenty-nine, actually, but-'

'However many, that's going to count as a commitment.'

'A mere twenty-nine years? Where I come from, that's barely going steady. My parents were together fifty-six years. Now that's a commitment.'

'It's beautiful,' Dooher said, 'but twenty-nine years is going to count.'

'Damn.'

They had their three games of squash. Dooher won two, letting Wes take the second, 11-9, before creaming him 11- 3 in the third. When they'd been younger, both had been roughly equal as athletes; they had, in fact, remained a double-play threat through high school. But in the past few years, and especially in the six months since Farrell had been living alone, Wes had put on about ten pounds and, no surprise, it slowed him down.

They walked together down to the Hall of Justice, where Wes was having a meeting with Art Drysdale, the Chief Assistant District Attorney, about a client of his, Levon Copes, who'd been charged in a rape/murder.

Farrell had originally thought the case had a chance to go to trial and, since the defendant was a middle-aged white guy who owned an apartment building, he had money to pay his lawyer. The initial retainer had been $45,000, the check had cleared, and Wes had hoped, if he played it right, that the trial could carry him financially for a couple of years, even with Lydia chipping away at whatever she could.

Since his client's arrest, though, he'd read the discovery – the prosecution's evidence – and concluded that there must have been some mistake. There wasn't nearly enough, in his opinion, to go to trial at all, much less get a conviction. So Wes was going to try to talk Drysdale into dropping the charges altogether. It would be extremely unusual in a case like this, but, he thought, possible.

His success would be the best possible news for his client, if not financially for Wes. But he had no choice. He was a lawyer; if he could get his client off, he had to do it.

Dooher had listened sympathetically to all of this, then left Farrell at the Hall of Justice.

Now he was walking alone uptown the ten or so blocks to his office. The weather continued damnably Irish. The banshee was howling off the Bay only a few blocks to the east, the cloud cover occasionally dipped low enough to become fog, and the soft drizzle ate into his bones.

Dooher was wearing a light business suit and no overcoat, but he didn't feel the cold. For the first time since she'd left her resume, he was seeing Christina again. In fifteen minutes.

The engagement ring infuriated him.

The fucking chintzy little fifteen-hundred-dollar, quarter-carat trinket – he wanted to rip it off her finger, stomp it under his foot, slap her silly for accepting the stupid thing.

But he wasn't going to do that. He was going to smile and say, 'It's really nice, Christina. I'm happy for both of you. Congratulations.'

They were in a cafeteria down Market Street from McCabe & Roth. She'd left a message asking to meet him, and for her own reasons didn't want it to be in the office. She thought it might be awkward. She seemed embarrassed at the explanation, her head tilted to one side, not meeting his gaze. 'I just thought that after our talk, after… everything you did for me…'

'I didn't do anything.'

'Well, I certainly wouldn't have applied without you, and now with me and Joe…' She twisted at the ring, gave Dooher a hopeful look. 'Anyway, now that we are engaged, there wouldn't be much point in going on with the application process, and I thought it would only be fair to come and tell you in person.'

Dooher fiddled with his own coffee cup. 'You know, Christina, not to get too technical, but the rule regarding personal relationships isn't exactly written in stone. It's devised more to discourage the associates. We've had two or three couples in the past.'

He'd fired them, but he left that unsaid.

Forcing his easy smile, though his stomach churned, he risked reaching over and touching her hand lightly. 'But again, I'm giving away the house secrets.'

Her remarkable green eyes sparkled briefly. 'They're safe with me. I'll take them to my grave.'

'It's the only reason I tell you.'

'And I appreciate it.'

Their eyes met and held for an instant. Then Christina shrugged and the smile faded.

'The point is,' he persisted, 'that if it's not a problem for you and Joe personally, I don't think it would stand in the way of you coming aboard, if that's still what you'd like to do.' Not only didn't he think it, he was the managing partner and it was a certainty. He'd see to it. But he was tiptoeing here, afraid to push too hard and scare her away.

'I don't know,' she said.

'What don't you know?'

'Just…' Twisting the ring, round and round. 'Just if I'd want to start with the rules being bent. I'd want to be like everybody else.'

Dooher's chuckle was real. 'Believe me, once the work starts getting given out, you'll feel just like one of the gang. Do you have any other offers yet?'

'No.'

'Well, I'm just saying I wouldn't withdraw yet, on the theory that it's always a good idea to keep your options open until they get closed for you.'

'I know that, in general, but…' A silence, then her eyes lit again, a feeble flame. 'Damn you, Mark.' The face lighting now. 'This was supposed to be easy.'

He sat back in his chair. 'I'm trying to make it easy.'

Shaking her head. 'No, I mean just letting this whole thing go, but then here you are, Mr Reasonable…'

'I'm not trying to stop you from letting it go, if that's what you want. I just want you to be dealing from the facts.'

She seemed to jump in her chair. 'Ahh! Don't say that word!'

'What word?'

'Facts. God, spare me from the facts.'

A little came out about Joe, and Dooher told her, lightly, she'd better get used to it if she was going to marry him. 'When's the happy day, by the way?'

She shook her head, not exactly the picture of hopeful expectation. 'It's not final yet. We thought we ought to wait about a year.'

Dooher let out the breath he realized he'd been suppressing since he'd first seen the ring. A year? Plenty of time.