Gunnar grinned. So handsome, so incredibly male. Her beast sighed at the sight of him. “Well now, Ava. What would you like to do first?”
“You mean besides wipe that shit-eating grin off your face?” And ride you so hard, you can’t breathe without thinking of me? She cleared her throat. “Let's go for a walk. I need the fresh air.”
“Thank God. One more minute around all this damn drama, and I was going to shoot myself.”
“Not if I shoot you first.”
He laughed again and followed her out of the conference room To Tersch's surprise, he enjoyed walking with Ava in the woods. Behind the mansion, off the large stone patio, they walked along a running trail through the forest. Several feet wide and equipped with lights, the trail had mile markers until it came to a complete end at a ten-mile turnaround. He normally hauled ass out here, racing one or more of the guys while in shorts and running shoes. When he changed into his beast, he liked to venture into the woods, away from manmade paths.
Ava tucked her small hand in the crook of his elbow. “This is nice, hmm?” Too nice. He cleared his throat but didn't pull away from her. The heat from her palm warmed him from the inside out. Though Ava didn't show off her power, he could feel it any time they touched.
“Yeah, nice. So are you going to tell me about Grayson? Why he was here pretending he didn't know you? You ready to give up your secrets yet, baby?” His low voice grew even huskier when she stroked his forearm. He glanced down at her, but she kept her gaze ahead of them, unconsciously petting him.
“I can't tell you all my secrets. Then I'd be too easy to handle.”
“Ava, I could know everything about you and still find you hard to handle.” She grinned.
“What the hell do you have to hide, anyway?”
“I'll answer a question for a question. My answers for yours.” He should have known better than to try to dig into her past, but he really wanted to know. Maybe he could substitute knowledge for sex. He could own her secrets if not her body. “Sure, whatever.”
“But you can't lie. I'll know if you lie.” Her eyes narrowed.
“So you do read minds.”
“No, but you have tells. There are things you do with your body and expressions you make that give you away.”
“No shit?” He stopped them and turned to look down at her. “You're kidding, right?”
Her smug grin should have annoyed him. Instead he found her arrogance charming. Man, he had it bad.
“I know a heck of a lot about you, Gunnar.” She put her arm on his and guided them back on their walk. “But there's more I want to know. Go ahead and ask me anything.”
“Why the subterfuge with Grayson?”
She sighed. “I knew you'd ask that. First of all, I don't know everything my brother does. He's worked a lot of classified missions over the years.” Tersch frowned. “He's DoD?”
“Department of Defense? I guess you could say that. Grayson doesn't technically work for any organization in the government. He's a floater, and he's referred by name.”
“A contractor.”
“He likes to think of himself as a mercenary with pull.” Ava shrugged. “I've helped him a time or two.”
“Oh?” The innocent look on her face didn't fool him, because he was coming to realize Ava had a lot more going on under the surface than he'd expected.
“I don't have a ton of field experience, but my abilities make it easy to get in and out of tight spots without being noticed.”
He thought of her speed. “I'll bet.” He opened his mouth for another question when he inhaled a waft of her scent. Sexy, arousing, and dangerous. Tersch coughed and tried to focus on not screwing her. “So I get your brother being an undercover guy. But why with us? We're Circ. We'd understand.”
“Because he didn't trust everyone at the mansion. And I don't mean Grandma.
He's known for some time that there are powerful people out to get you guys. Think of him as another line of defense. He's been running interference for a while.
Grayson worked with Raul when the pair were at Montaña's compound in the Amazon.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. He didn't tell me much about it until I saw him a few weeks ago. But he helped Sheridan escape and protected her from Raul. Raul was not a nice guy.” He curled his fist against his side. “I know.”
“Oh, that's right. You broke his neck.” She said it as if she'd been talking about snapping a twig.
“That doesn't bother you?”
“Nope. I have a much different view of the world than most people. Where I come from, we respect the elderly, protect the innocent, and fight against injustice.
There's not a lot of forgiveness in my family for wrongdoing.” He wondered what she'd think if she knew he'd killed his own father.
She clutched his arm tighter. “Why are you so afraid to be with me?” Trust Ava to cut right to the heart of the matter.
“I'm not afraid, exactly…”
“Bullshit. You're scared of me.” She paused. “Is it because I was born Circ?” The flatness of the question made him look at her closer. To his shock, Ava seemed vulnerable. He didn't like it, so he did what he did best. He set out to annoy her into a good mad.
“No. It's because you're black.”
“What?”
“I don't like black women. And you know, I'm not that into women, come to think of it. I'm much more into cock.”
She blinked at him with her mouth open.
“Nothing like taking it up the ass. Tits and pussies are for morons.”
“You… That's… I…”
He snorted. “Yeah, that's stupid, isn't it? As stupid as me not wanting you because you were born this way—strong, sexy, and lethal. Or because your skin is so pretty and brown, or that you have the nicest breasts and most fuckable ass I've ever seen.” Just thinking about everything Ava made him hard an aching. “And what moron prefers dick to womanly curves?” He rethought the question. “With the exception of Hayashi, gay men don't know what they're missing. Of course, that's probably because no one compares to you.”
They continued walking in silence while they both absorbed what he'd said.
“Do you realize that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me?” Ava's soft voice wrapped around his heart and squeezed. “Why can't we be together, Gunnar?” He couldn't look at her, because she'd see the longing in his eyes. “I…” Tell her.
Tell her the truth. You’ve been feeling it since day one. At least let her know why there can never be an “us” in our future. “Ava, I care for you. A lot.” She stopped them and turned him to face her. The glowing green of her eyes hinted at the deep emotion she must be feeling, but her face remained blank.
He repeated himself. “I care for you more than makes sense. I'm not an easy man.”
“I know that.”
“No, you don't. You think you do. You know what I can do to my enemies, but you've never seen what I can do to someone I love.” And God, if he ever damaged Ava, he'd kill himself. He'd barely survived after Susanna's and Sophie's deaths, and he felt so much more for Ava. A man's love, not a teenager's infatuation.
“You would never hurt me.” She reached out to him, her eyes now brown and soft. And so loving.
He stepped back. “I wouldn't try to hurt you, but I could. Too easily.” He sighed, wishing this conversation over. “Ava, I'm attracted, no doubt. But it's more than that.”
She frowned at him. “You slept with Olivia and Sheridan. And they're a lot weaker than I am. Yet you never hurt them.”
He flushed. “You, ah, knew about them?” Of course she knew.
“Yes. I know you still struggle through mating heats.” She tried to play it off, but he could see the glow of anger in her eyes. “I wasn't available for you, so you turned to them. And I understand that you need the team in that way. The guys don't bother me at all. I told you I'm different from most people you know.”