“I was only with Olivia and Sheridan in the presence of their mates,” he tried to explain. “And with them it was nice.”
“I'm nice.”
“No, you're not.” He burned for her. “You're pissy, arrogant, and mean.”
“Gunnar.”
“Please. You know it's true. Why the hell do you think I walk around with a hard-on every time you're near? Why do you think it's so fucking difficult for me to stay away from you? You're bitchy, gorgeous, and hardheaded. You don't take my shit or cry because I hurt your feelings when I say something stupid. You’re mine,” his beast had to add, just to be heard.
“So then what's the problem?” She cocked her hip and leaned a hand on it, showing her annoyance. “You think I can't handle your beast? Honey, you're strong, but you have nothing on what I can really do.”
“Ava, I want you. My beast wants you. But my berserker, it wants to dominate you, real bad. I get angry a lot, and it's hard to control myself on a good day. But around you, I have a hard time keeping it together. I'm afraid I could seriously hurt you, honey. And I could never live with myself if that happened.” She studied him with an odd look. “You think I'm buying this?”
“Why would I lie?” Frustrating woman. He was trying to be honest, to be up-front and put his cards on the table.
“Because you're scared. Scared of making a commitment, scared of having someone to love and toe the line for. You like playing too much.”
“Dammit, that's not true.” He clenched his fists. She made him sound like some selfish playboy. Didn't she realize how difficult this was for him? How much he wanted her but denied himself for her benefit?
“Sure it is. I read your files, Gunnar.” She smiled, showing sharp white fangs.
“I know all about your time in the navy. I've read detailed accounts from your old captain and from the doctors who treated you in Pearson Labs, back when the Dawn Endeavor program was brand new.
“A different woman every night, sometimes two at a time. You liked to play around, and you liked your sex a bit rough.” She shrugged. “So do I, but you don't see me trying to avoid how I feel for you because I want to play the field.”
“You're missing the point.” He forced himself to remain calm. Like hell she'd play the field. “That was years ago. I don't want anyone else. Shit. I don't want any other female Circ but you.”
The canny woman was now grinning at him. She liked him wanting her and hurting because of it?
“Ava, I never hurt Olivia or Sheridan, because I didn't love them. I like them, I respect them and their mates, and I'll treasure the softness they gave me when I needed it. But with you, I can't be gentle. Or safe.” He swallowed hard, seeing Susanna in his mind's eye. “I can't protect you from me.” Ava changed in an instant and launched herself at him. She knocked him to the ground and straddled his abdomen, her tiny hand around his throat and cutting off his air supply.
He stared at Ava who wasn't quite Ava. A shimmer of her beast lingered over her human form, like a shadow of animalistic rage over the beautiful woman underneath. This Ava had fangs and claws and unbelievable strength. She hadn't grown much, yet her strength was that of a Circ much, much larger.
“I don't need your fucking protection.” She spat the word like a curse. “I'm stronger and faster than you'll ever be. Your hesitance makes me question why I thought to consider you worthy of mating with me. You act like you're scared of your own shadow.”
She insulted his manhood. His beast didn't like the challenge. But it was his berserker that he worried about. The monster wouldn't tolerate its mate's rejection.
Just what Tersch had been trying to avoid.
He struggled against letting her see what she should be so scared of and rasped, “Ava, shit. Let me up and back away.”
“I've seen your berserker before.” She huffed and loosened her hold on his throat. “I'm not impressed.”
“Don't do this. Don't do this,” he chanted, holding on even as his beast broke through his constraints as well as his clothes. His shirt split; his toes cut through his sneakers and socks. His trousers burst at the button and seams. And still, he grew.
His skin turned a darker shade to reflect the monster that lived within, and his sight became infused with a tinge of red as his infrared heat vision engaged to better illuminate nearby prey.
“Ava, please. Get off me. Don't make me hurt you.”
“Prove you're stronger. Don't pretend any longer that you deserve me if you can't back it up.”
He roared his denial and held on to a semblance of sanity as he stared up at his mate. “Fuck! You don't understand. I can't help myself. You think this is about a fear of commitment?”
Tersch rose to his feet, forcing Ava to cling to him as he stood. Once again towering over her, he pulled her from his body and pushed her back. When she threw herself back at him, he caught her. Though her weight seemed impossibly as heavy as his, he held her up and stared into feline pupils dilated with rage.
“Little girl, you know nothing about anger.” Tersch's berserker leaned closer until they stared at one another nose to nose. “Did you read all my files? Did you read about Frederik Gunnar Tersch's dysfunctional little family?” He laughed, and she finally showed a modicum of sense.
Ava shrank back and dug her claws into his arms to find purchase in the crushing muscle drawing her closer.
“Did you read about how I killed my sister, my girlfriend, and then my father?” His back teeth filled his lower jaw, and the urge to bite grew. “I choked the life out of him, watched as the capillaries in his eyes burst, and listened as he gasped for his last breath. So sweet, that destruction, that battle for domination.” He nicked her neck for a taste of her sweet blood, captivated by her shudder. He whispered, “I killed him, and sick fuck that I am, I loved him. I loved all of them, you know. But I love you even more. Think what I could do to you with all that precious emotion?” The horror on her face drove him on, and his berserker ripped through her shirt to clutch one firm, brown breast. He squeezed hard, pulling the strong scent of arousal from her, as well as the bitter scent of fear. “When I'm ready, I'll take what I want, what I own. You're mine, Ava. All mine. I wonder if your neck will snap as sweetly as Susanna's did?”
Ava pushed out of his arms and ran away.
He squelched his instinctive urge to give chase and tore down several trees in his rage to find control. Tersch finally pulled his berserker back down, fighting the creature's urge to take care of its mate. Though Tersch wore his berserker's skin, the warning had been all Gunnar, the man. And he'd hated every word of it.
Now she knew. The ugly, distorted truth of a man so unworthy to be loved.
Alone and lonely, Gunnar imagined his life without Ava and felt unbearably sad.
Tears filled his eyes, but he ignored them. Instead, he left the trail and walked deeper into the forest. Then he ran and kept on running.
Chapter Seven
Ava spent the night alone. Despite Admiral London's pending visit in another day, her grandmother's fragile calm, and the danger circling close, she could think of nothing but Gunnar.
She'd wanted to call his bluff yesterday, but the truth in his words, in his voice, shocked her to silence. The berserker she'd been so attracted to seemed suddenly cold and threatening. To the Belles, family was all. Yet Gunnar admitted to killing his sister and father, not to mention his girlfriend. What the hell?