The way Lucky’s shoulders sagged and he ran his hands over his jeans, Baby knew whatever he had to say was going to be difficult.
“I’m guessing she didn’t agree?” Baby asked in a whisper.
He lowered his head and shook it from side to side.
“I’m sorry, Lucky. You don’t have to say anything more.” She didn’t want to drag out his obvious pain.
“No. I haven’t ever gotten this far. No one knows this part of my life.” He finished the second, and last, bottle of Shiner. “May I?” he asked, gesturing to Baby’s half glass of wine. She scooted the glass in his direction. He picked it up and took it down in one gulp. “No, Carrie didn’t agree. I’d come home from a weeklong stay at my parents, trying to smooth over the engagement. Carrie and I shared a small apartment near campus. When I got home, she and a friend of hers were in the middle of packing her bags. I had no idea what was going on. She wouldn’t tell me anything. They kept filling bags and boxes. Carrie looked like hell. She was in an old pair of my football sweats, no makeup, and messy hair, which was unlike her. She looked as if she rolled right out of bed. I tried to find out what was going on, but she refused to talk to me. After everything was loaded in the car, Carrie grabbed her purse and got ready to walk out the door for the last time. I couldn’t let her go. I grabbed her by the arm. I wanted her to talk to me, to tell me what happened. Everything was fine a week earlier. I was confused.”
Lucky ran his hands through his hair, and then he blindly stroked his beard. Baby Jade remained silent because she didn’t want to interrupt his train of thought. His eyes were dark and distant; she knew this was hard enough for him without her jumping in.
“I guess I was kinda scared too. I didn’t know what was happening. I was losing the only thing I thought meant anything in my life. My fiancé and my baby. My entire life was walking out the fucking door and I needed answers.”
He inhaled and let it out in one long breath. “Like I said, I grabbed her by the arm to stop her from leaving. When I did, Carrie doubled over and cried out in pain. Her purse fell to the floor. I tried to help her, but she wouldn’t let me touch her. I bent down to pick up her stuff. I felt like a complete asshole. I started shoving everything back into her bag. There was the usual chick stuff like lipstick, tissues, her wallet, and other girly shit. There was also a set of papers, stapled together with a logo of a female figure with some squiggly blue lines. It said Women’s Health Care Center on the front page and had her signature scrawled across the bottom with a ton of initial marks. I don’t know why, but I wanted to know what the hell it was. I flipped through the stack of papers and found this.”
Leaning forward, Lucky pulled his leather wallet from the back pocket of his jeans, the other end still attached to the chain hooked to his belt loop. He popped the two snaps and dug inside. He unfolded a small slip of paper and handed it to her.
Baby Jade’s heart plummeted. She knew immediately what the paper was. She held it between her fingers, but couldn’t bring herself to take a closer look. She didn’t have any words of comfort to offer.
“The ultrasound says she was eight weeks along. I know the image looks like a blur. But that blur was my baby. My son or daughter. That baby was both of ours. She had no right to take that from me!” Lucky jumped to his feet. His wallet still dangling from his hip. He paced the floor. Baby suddenly felt like she was intruding on his personal grief. “She took something from me I may never have again. She never told me or consulted me. She was going to tuck tail and run. Who the hell does that?” He looked to Baby with his hands in the air.
She fumbled for words. She was scared to say the wrong thing and set him off further. “Lucky, I’m really sorry. You’re right. She handled it badly.”
“Badly?” He gaffed. “All you can say is she handled it badly?” His stance was wide, and he balled his fist.
Baby stood, setting the ultrasound picture on the table. She met his gaze and pulled back her shoulders. “Hey, I’m not the one who screwed you over. I understand you’re in pain, and I don’t blame you for being pissed. But you need to remember where you are and who you’re talking to. I’m not Carrie!”
Lucky’s face fell, and he sank to his knees. “Damn, Baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s not something I talk about often. I keep it locked away and this is exactly why. If I let myself think about it, it’s like I’m grieving it all over again. I want to hold my baby.” He buried his face in the palms of his hands.
Baby Jade lowered herself to the floor. Her brain told her she wasn’t the one who should be comforting him, but her heart told her different. She took Lucky’s hands in hers, lowering her face to meet his. His deep chocolate brown eyes were now dull and wet from the tears he was trying to hold back.
“I refuse to cry for her,” he mumbled.
“We both know the tears have nothing to do with Carrie. It’s ok to grieve for the part of you that died that day.”
The muffled sound that came from his throat was too much to take. Lucky was still on his knees, and Baby Jade moved closer, positioning herself between his legs. He followed her gaze and placed one arm around the small of her back, making it easier for him to lean in. Using the back side of his other hand, he grazed her cheek, taking his time making his way to her chin where he tilted her face up to meet his. Like magnets, his warm mouth found hers. The kiss was soft at first as his lips gently caressed her own. Her arms entangled around his neck, pulling him closer, and her hands found his thick hair. Growing hungry, she allowed her lips to part, welcoming him to explore. He tasted like Shiner, and she was taken aback by the craving consuming her body. She wanted to drink every part of him.
By the time Ma’Linn came rushing in, Baby Jade was on Lucky’s lap straddling his waist. His hands pinned Baby’s behind her back while his tongue devoured her neck.
Looking back on the scene now, she could see how Ma’Linn might have taken it the wrong way, especially since Baby never had company over since trying to walk the straight and narrow. Ma’Linn had hiked up her dress and stepped over the splintered remains of the front door. Within seconds, she was beating Lucky across the back with her extremely heavy, carry-all tote bag.
She’d started chanting some old school Vodun curse or some shit like that. After twenty minutes, Baby Jade got her to calm down and Lucky went back to work on the door. Baby walked Ma’Linn home and explained the bizarre events of the day.
“Oh, child, dat boy look like he can handle you good! Like you be needin’.” Ma’Linn tossed her head back and gave a hearty cackle.
“Am I that bad?”
“Sometime, yes. Ever’body be needin’ some good handlin’ from time ta’ time.”
Baby didn’t bother asking Ma’Linn if she’d been getting handled lately. Although it had crossed her mind the way her friend had been disappearing a lot during the day.
***
Now, eight hours later, Baby considered Ma’Linn’s words. Maybe she was right. Ever since she and Lucky spent their afternoon getting better acquainted, Baby felt more alive. Jewella still had yet to get under her skin tonight.
“You’re not wearing that on stage, are you?” Jewella asked, wagging two long bony fingers gripping a cigarette in her direction.
“What’s wrong with it?” Baby looked at herself in the makeup mirror and was impressed with the reflection, loving the way the green and black set off her dark hair and smooth skin.
“You know Mickey doesn’t like the leather. It looks cheap.”
“Mickey can kiss my ass. You know what? You can tell him I said exactly that,” Baby Jade shot back.