“No.”
Her face shot up. “No? It’s my damn house. If I say leave, then that’s what you’re gonna do.” She stepped closer to the bed, her blood pulsing through her body, creating a new thumping in her head.
“That’s not what you said. Come on, you don’t want me to go.” Lucky offered his hand. Baby looked at him, trying to size up the situation. Is this guy for real? She placed her hand in his and he guided her back to the bed. He sat in the middle of the bed, resting his back against the wall. Still in nothing but a pair of jeans, he spread his legs and patted the space in between. Baby nestled herself into the spot, molding her body to his.
“Let’s start over. It looks like you have some shit you need to work out. I’d like to help you do that.” Lucky ran his rough hands up and down her arms. “I’m not here to judge you. Lord knows I have my own shit to deal with. I’m here to listen or help you if I can.”
Baby pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Her head rested on Lucky. The rise and fall of his chest made her own breathing steady. The light thud of his heartbeat soothed her.
“You’re right. I froze. I wish I had a better answer. I thought I had the bullshit under control.” Baby paused, trying to figure out how to proceed. She was thankful she couldn’t see Lucky’s face. “I’ve known Slade for years now, and to put it mildly, I’m not proud of those years. I told you about my mother and about my fucked up childhood. If Ma’Linn hadn’t stepped in, I don’t know where I would have ended up. She was a part of my life from as far back as I can remember. She fed me, bathed me, and took care of me when I was sick. I moved out when I was fifteen, but we’ve maintained that mother-daughter relationship.”
“If you guys were that close, why did you move out at such a young age?”
“Because Ma’Linn dealt with a lot of shit. Still does. Her son Phillipe and I used to play together as kids. We spent all of our time together. We made forts in the fields and fished every day when my mom would disappear. He was my best friend when we were kids, but as we got older, it didn’t take long for Phillipe to fall in with the wrong crowd. He was a few years older than I was and the gang life sucked him right in. He started out with petty theft and breaking into abandoned buildings. Once he got in with the 110ers, there was no turning back. He started doing dope, and I don’t mean recreational drugs. He was on the heavy shit. He was in and out of jail and Ma’Linn did all she could to get him help, but he only spiraled further out of control. It became too much. I didn’t feel right taking all of her attention when her son needed her.”
Lucky’s hands stopped moving and rested on her shoulders. “Did he ever hurt you?”
“Hell no! I mean, Phillipe had his issues, but he was always kind to me. I think he saw enough of my mom’s bullshit over the years and felt sorry for me. How’s that for irony? The local gang banger drug addict, pitying me?” Baby’s hand flew to her mouth to stifle a sob.
“Are you ok? You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.” He gathered her hair and piled it to one side, kissing her neck.
“No, I’m good. I think I’ve spent too long keeping myself from talking to anyone that it’s hard to open up. Ma’Linn and I talk, probably more than we should actually. But other than that, it’s the daily bullshit with losers at the club.”
“Yeah, well. I’m guessing some of those losers are part of the story.”
“You got that right. Anyway, things were bad after moving out. The city’s hard on a kid living on the streets. Momma was gone, locked away for the umpteenth time. She didn’t want to see me. She still doesn’t and I don’t know why. Sometimes I sneak in and see her when she’s sedated. She doesn’t know I’m there. To be honest, it would probably scare the hell out of me if she up and decided she wanted to see me. Like I said before, no dad. I did the couch surfing thing for a while. I slept on benches, in abandoned cars. I’m ashamed to say I had a few boyfriends who took care of me every now and then. I knew what I was doing, but did what I had to. ”
Lucky’s warm lips planted another kiss on her neck.
“As you can imagine, I was knee deep in a pile of shit. There are some seriously messed up people out there. I had to find a way to be able to take care of myself. I was at one of my usual hangouts and happened to run into Jewella doing a private party. She was a different person back then. We hung out and talked for a while. She told me about Bottoms Up and how Mickey took on a few underage girls from time to time. As soon as I saw the guy she was dancing for fork over a pile of cash, I knew I would be down there the next day begging for a job.”
Baby picked up the glass from the nightstand and took a sip. Her throat was dry and her hands trembling. “As soon as Mickey saw me, I was in. Jewella showed me the ropes. Some of the other girls were nice, and others were straight up bitches. I was allowed to waitress before moving up to dancing. Well, when the night finally came, I thought I was literally going to die. I had a full-blown panic attack backstage. Jewella gave me a couple of pills to help take the edge off. I didn’t ask questions. I tossed them back with a glass of vodka. By the time I got on the stage, I was blitzed. I’d lost one shoe and slid down the pole, landing on my ass. I still made good tips, which is where the addiction began. As the nights went on, the better I got, and the money did too. I was hooked. I noticed Slade in the club over the first few weeks. He talked a lot with Mickey, was in and out of the office, but after about a month, he came in to watch the show. Said he’d heard about the new girl, and he tipped like a fucking rockstar.”
“You were addicted to the money?”
“Hell, yeah. You would be too if you’d gone your whole life with nothing. And the little bit you did have, was hung over your head.”
Lucky’s body moved from side to side under her weight. “I haven’t been put in that situation. I can’t say for sure. But money doesn’t mean as much to me as it does other people.”
“Says the Gauthier …”
His body stiffened. “That was a cheap shot.”
She looked up and gave him an apologetic smile. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Lucky pressed his lips to the top of her head. “It’s ok. I know this is tough, and I’m certainly not judging you. I really am trying to understand.”
“The money itself was like a drug. I have to be honest. I was enjoying my new life. Once Mickey asked me if I was interested in dancing for private parties, I only hesitated for a second. All I had to do was dance. The men were assholes and liked to get grab happy, but overall, it wasn’t too bad. We always had security. Slade was at every party. He was my biggest tipper. I knew he was starting to take an interest in me, but I didn’t think it would go anywhere.”
Baby squirmed, uneasy, readjusting herself between Lucky’s legs. How much did he want to know? She didn’t want to overshare and send him running for the hills. No one in their right mind would hang around after knowing the truth about the things she had done.
“Mickey approached me one night to let me know Slade wanted to take me on a date. Notice I didn’t say he asked. It was more like a formality. And in case it wasn’t obvious, date was code word for whatever the hell he wanted to do. Literally, whatever he wanted to do.”
Lucky’s heartbeat quickened, thumping hard against her back.
“Momma was having a hard time. I couldn’t afford to get her the help she needed on my own. She’d had a lot of episodes, but when she had that major breakdown when I was a kid, they dumped her in a shithole and ended her parental rights. When Mickey said as part of the deal, Slade would make sure my mother was taken care of, I said yes. They got her a room at Pecan Grove, which turned out to be the best place ever. I couldn’t imagine her anywhere else. Up until that point, I’d been doing recreational drugs. You know, weed and Xanax. Things to help me make it through the parties. But I knew that Slade meant business. It was bad.” Baby Jade’s voice cracked. “He made sure I had access to everything out there. I was drinking every day, playing around with new stuff, but as it turns out, coke became my happy place. Every time I turned around, it was in my face. Slade and I hooked up immediately. He paid good money to get what he wanted. Of course, I had to fork over the majority of it to Mickey as a finder’s fee.”