Lucky threw up his hands in protest. “Hey man. Nothing’s going on. Seriously.”
“Dammit, Baby! Can’t you get one damn thing right?” Mickey yelled in her direction, making Jewella bubble with laughter.
“What the hell are you talking about? No one can contain that hot mess. You need to keep her on a leash,” Baby shot back.
“This is bullshit. I gave you one job to do. She’s not a fucking infant. She’s a grown ass woman. How hard does it have to be to do your fucking job?” Mickey fumed, glaring down into Baby’s face. Lucky had inched his way closer, ready to strike if needed.
Now it was Baby’s turn to chuckle. “If she’s that easy to keep in line, what the hell do you need me for?”
Jewella grabbed a hold of Mickey’s arm, unable to hold herself up. “An infant?” she said through a giggle. “No, no. Baby doesn’t have an infant. Remember, Mick? She got rid of it.” She gave a half hiccup/burp and rubbed the back of her hand across her face, smearing what was left of her robin’s egg blue eye shadow.
Her face went pale. Baby looked at Lucky, who was using both hands to rub the sides of his beard, his hands shaking. Baby wasn’t certain but thought she saw tears pool in the corners of his dark eyes. Quickly blinking them back, Lucky turned his back to her, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Everybody get back to work.” Mickey ended the conversation and snatched Jewella by the elbow, dragging her away. Baby couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he was in her ear until they were both out of sight.
Baby moved toward Lucky, close enough that she smelled the familiar musky scent of his skin. She extended her hand to touch his back but stopped when Lucky took a step forward out of her reach.
Shunned, Baby Jade bolted from behind Lucky and ran downstairs to grab her bag. She threw her clothes on over her corset and ducked out the back door without a word. She used the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe the tears that poured down her face. The tears flowed as she ran all the way home. She jammed her key into the lock, her fingers barely able to make it work. Once inside, she leaned against the door and fell to the floor, allowing her emotions to take over. All the pain she had been harboring over the years welled to the surface. The grief of her own decisions from her past gnawed at her insides.
She bawled, rocking in a fetal position against her front door. She never let herself think about the baby that she had aborted almost two years earlier. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. Normally you wouldn’t be allowed to be inebriated when undergoing a procedure, but, of course, Mickey knew a guy.
When Baby found out she was pregnant, a small part of her was excited. She had never thought about being a mother, not after the hand she had been dealt where mothers were concerned. However, something in her longed to share her heart with the tiny life growing inside her.
Mickey heard about her pregnancy and immediately started hounding Baby about getting rid of it. He asked who the father was, and, of course, at that time in her life, she couldn’t pinpoint the exact person. Most nights were a blur. He tried to play up to her needy side, and when that didn’t work, he went for ruthless.
He made sure to tell her she should never be allowed to have children. She was a psycho like her mother. He told her the child wouldn’t have a chance in hell with a mother like her, it would probably end up disabled or crazy. He stabbed the knife in and then dug it around for his own pleasure.
“You would screw that poor kid up.”
“Your mother was a crazy bitch, but at least she was smart enough to cut you loose.”
“That kid would only end up hating you.”
“If it’s a girl, be sure to save her a place on the pole.”
It all became too much. It was all she heard, day in and day out. Baby Jade became miserable and depressed. Slade fed her pills and liquor until one day she was too far-gone, she signed the papers and let Mickey drive her to his guy’s office, which ended up being an abandoned building with running water.
The whole time it was happening, Baby knew her life would be forever changed. It was the first time she wasn’t able to turn off her emotions, to shut down. It was the one time she knew she wouldn’t bounce back. She would never be the same again.
When it was over, Mickey gave Baby the weekend off to recuperate. Everyone was overly nice. Jewella seemed sincere when she offered to clean Baby’s apartment, helping do her laundry and bringing her soup. Baby figured she had probably been in the same situation a time or two.
But nothing made her feel any better. Baby hit rock bottom, and in case there was any question, she made sure by moving from snorting coke to freebasing heroin. She couldn’t remember the first few months after the abortion. She lingered halfway between life and death, praying for the latter.
The breaking point came when one of the girls found Baby unconscious in the bathroom of the club, the needle still dangling between her toes, her chosen place to hide the marks. The cops that Mickey had in his back pocket quickly informed him the club was now on the narcotics department’s radar. They needed to ditch the drugs and clean up their act for a while, or they wouldn’t be able to keep Mickey out of trouble.
Mickey and Slade agreed to send Baby Jade away to detox, but they didn’t want to have any record of it. They locked her away in a seedy motel outside Lafayette. Slade sent one of his goons to act as bodyguard and one of his girls to play nursemaid. It was excruciating. Sure, the vomiting and shakes were horrible, but the worst part was being able to feel again. The pain of remembering the abortion was unbearable.
It took her a long time to begin to feel halfway normal again. She continued to have a void in her heart and an agonizing pain in the pit of her stomach, but life slowly resumed. The hurt still existed, but was only at its worst when Baby allowed her mind to wander. She tried to keep herself occupied by working, exercising, and reading, whatever it took. Picking up more shifts was better than being home alone with nothing but time to remember.
Now, lying on the floor, weeping, she couldn’t figure out if she was more upset that Lucky had found out, not to mention how he found out, or that it brought all the pain to the surface again. She lay on the floor sobbing for what must have been hours, before she finally dragged her limp body to the couch. She was too tired to lock the door or check the windows, which is why she missed the Jeep parked at the curb across from her apartment.
Chapter Sixteen
Lucky
Lucky’s stomach somersaulted. The taste of bile lingered in his throat. His narrowed eyes were unfocused and the room was blurry. Planting himself on his stool, with his arms folded across his chest, he managed to go through the motions for the remainder of his shift.
Mickey left him alone for the most part. He hated feeling as if everyone was tiptoeing around him. It was crazy to think anyone knew what he had shared with Baby Jade about Carrie, but it sure as hell felt like everyone did. He played Jewella’s words over in his head, hoping he had misunderstood.
She got rid of it.
Baby had an abortion.
How could she not have told him? When he was spilling his guts all over her fucking living room, why wouldn’t she have said something? When they finished making love and she poured her heart out to him, did she not think it might be an important detail to share?
Lucky tried to rationalize a reason. Obviously it was going to be a difficult process for a woman, but hell, she chose it. He didn’t have a choice when it came to his own child. He never had a say in the matter.