I sat down in the middle of the doctor’s office and cried. I wanted my mom, but she would never answer, never comfort me. She was gone, real y gone this time. The yawning hole opened up in me and the grief, it just poured out, and it kept coming and coming.
Aiden knelt beside me, placing his arms around my bent shoulders. He didn’t say a single word. He just let me cry it out, and after months of forcing myself to just push through it, al the pain and hurt had built up into the massive knot that final y unraveled.
Once I’d cried myself out, I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. My head hurt, my throat felt raw, and my eyes were puffy. But in a weird way, I felt better, like I could final y breathe again, real y breathe. Al these months, I’d been slowly suffocating and I hadn’t realized it until that moment.
I sniffled and winced at the dul pain in the back of my head. “Remember what you said about how your parents wouldn’t have wanted a life like that?”
His fingers moved soothingly over my taut shoulders.
“Yes. I remember.”
“She didn’t. I saw it just before she… was gone. She looked relieved. She real y did.”
“You released her from a horrible existence. That’s what your mother would’ve wanted.”
A few minutes passed. I stil couldn’t look up. “Do you think she’s in a better place now?” I asked, my voice sounding smal .
“Of course she is.” Man, he real y sounded like he believed it, too. “Where she is… she is no longer suffering.
It’s paradise—a place so beautiful that we can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like.”
I assumed he was talking about Elysia—a place very much like heaven. I took a deep breath and wiped under my eyes. “If anyone deserved it, she real y does. I know it looks bad since she became a daimon, but she would never have chosen that.”
“I know, Alex. The gods know that, too.”
Slowly, I pieced myself back together and climbed to my feet. “Sorry to… unload al of that on you.” I stole a quick peek at him.
Aiden frowned. “Don’t ever feel sorry for this, Alex. I’ve told you before, if you ever need anything you can come to me.”
“Thanks for… everything.”
He nodded, stepping aside as I shuffled past him.
“Alex?” He picked up a jar from the counter. The doctor must have come in at some point. “Don’t forget this.”
I took the jar and murmured my thanks. Bleary-eyed, I fol owed him out and into the vivid sun. It hurt my head and my eyes, but in a way, the sun stil felt good on my skin. I was alive.
We stood for a moment on the marbled pathway, both of us staring out across the courtyard and the ocean beyond. I wondered what he was thinking.
“You going back to your dorm?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
We didn’t talk about our conversation in Nashvil e or about that night at his place, but it lingered on my mind as we made our way to the dorms. Walking as close as we were, it was hard not to think about it, but when I thought about Caleb, al thoughts of romance—or lack thereof—
fled. I real y needed to see him.
“See you… around?”
Aiden nodded as he stared across the quad. A few halfs lounged on the benches between the dorms. A pure was with them. She was making it rain over one spot. Kind of cool.
I sighed, stal ing. “Al right… ”
“Alex?”
“Yes?”
He stared down at me, a soft smile tugging at his lips.
“You’re going to be okay.”
“Yeah… I am. I guess it takes more than a couple of hungry daimons to bring me down, huh?”
He laughed, and the sound nearly knocked the air out of my chest. I loved the way he laughed. I looked up at him, a smal smile tugging at my own lips. Like always, our eyes met and something deep flared between us. Even out here, out in the open as we were, it was stil there.
Aiden stepped back. There was nothing left to say. I gave him a tiny wave and watched until he disappeared from view, then I cut across the courtyard and headed to Caleb’s room. I wasn’t worried about getting caught going into the boys’ dorm. We hadn’t gotten a chance to talk since everything had gone down. He opened the door after the first knock, wearing sweats and a loose shirt.
“Hey,” I said.
He smiled and pushed the door open further. The grin immediately turned into a grimace and he clutched his sides. “Crap. I keep forgetting not to move a certain way.”
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah, my ribs are just a little sore. You?”
I fol owed him back to the bedroom and sat cross-legged on the bed. “Good. Just got checked out by the doctor here.”
He eased himself down on the bed beside me. A frown crossed his face as he studied me. “Those tags? Why haven’t they healed like mine?”
I glanced down at his arms. Four days later and the only reminder were the bruised ribs and a couple of pale scars dotting his arms. “I don’t know. The doc said they would fade in a few days. He gave me a jar of stuff to rub on them.” I patted my pocket. “It’s pretty bad looking, isn’t it?”
“No. You kinda look like… like I should be afraid of you kicking my ass or something.”
I laughed. “That’s because I can kick your ass.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Alex, I was kind of out of it in the woods, but I heard you… ”
“Kil ed her?” I leaned over and grabbed an extra pil ow.
“Yeah, I did.”
My bluntness caused him to flinch. “I’m… real y sorry. I wish I knew what to say to make it easier for you.”
“You don’t need to say anything about it.” Stretching out beside him, I stared up at the little green stars al over the ceiling. At night, they glowed. “Caleb, I’m sorry I dragged you into that mess.”
“No. You didn’t drag me into anything.”
“You shouldn’t have been there. What Daniel was doing
—”
His hand clenched beside me. I don’t think he saw me notice, but I did. “You didn’t—”
“You shouldn’t have been there.”
He waved his hand, cutting me off. “Stop it. I made the decision to fol ow you. I could’ve gone to one of the Guards or the Sentinels. Instead, I fol owed you. It was my choice.”
I stared at him and saw he was actual y serious. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping wel . I looked away.
“I’m sorry… you had to go through this.”
“It’s okay, al right? Look. What are friends for if they can’t share a few hours with psychotic daimons? We can look at it as a bonding experience.”
I snorted. “Bonding experience?”
He nodded and started tel ing me about al the halfs who’d visited him since he came back to the Covenant.
When he mentioned Olivia, he got that dopey look on his face. Suddenly I wondered if I got the dopey smile on my face when I thought of Aiden. Gods, I hoped not.
“So a skunk humped my leg earlier,” Caleb went on.
“What?”
He laughed, and then winced. “You haven’t been listening to me.”
“Sorry.” I blinked. “I kind of dazed out there.”
“I could tel .”
I then had an evil case of word vomit. “I almost hooked up with Aiden.”
Caleb’s mouth dropped open. It took him a couple of tries to say something coherent. “You do mean you almost hooked him like, say, with a fishing pole or something?”
My brows furrowed at that imagery. “No.”
“A right hook to the jaw then?”