We spotted our brother seated on a prominent rock, looking out to sea. With the sun reflecting off his white T-shirt, he seemed to be surrounded by an aura of light. He was too far away for me to see his face, but I imagined his expression as one of deep longing. Sometimes there was an inexpressible sadness about Gabriel that he struggled to conceal. I thought it must be due to the burden of knowledge that couldn’t be shared. He was more attuned to human suffering than Ivy and I, and this couldn’t have been easy for him to bear alone. He knew all the horrors of the past, and I imagined he could see tragedies that were yet to occur. No wonder he was somber. But there wasn’t anyone he could confide in. His service to the Creator of the universe resulted in his own isolation. This gave him an austerity of manner that made those who didn’t know him uncomfortable. The young adored him, but adults invariably felt as if they were being judged.
Sensing that he was being observed, Gabriel turned his face in our direction. I took a step back, feeling that we were intruding on his solitude, but as soon as he saw us, the clouded expression vanished and he waved, indicating we should join him.
When we reached him, he helped us both up onto the rocks, and we all sat together for a while. In that moment I thought he seemed more at ease than he’d been in a long time.
“Why do I feel an ambush coming on?” Gabriel joked.
“Please can I go to the prom?” I chimed.
Gabriel shook his head in amusement. “I didn’t realize you wanted to go. I didn’t think you’d be interested.”
“It’s just that everybody’s going,” I said. “It’s all they’ve talked about for months. They’d be so disappointed if I skipped it. It means a lot to them.” I tapped him lightly on the arm. “Don’t tell me you’re planning on missing it.”
“I’d love to miss it, but I’ve been asked to supervise,” he replied, looking less than pleased at the prospect. “I don’t know how they come up with these ideas. The whole thing seems an extravagant waste of time and money to me.”
“It’s still part of being at school,” Ivy said. “Why not look at it as research?”
“Exactly,” I said. “We’ll be in the thick of things. If we wanted to watch from the outskirts, we might as well have stayed in the Kingdom.”
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with dressing up now, would it?” Gabriel asked.
“Never!” I said, sounding shocked. “Well, maybe just a little.”
He sighed. “I suppose it’s just for one night.”
“And you’ll be there to keep an eye on things,” I added.
“Ivy, I was hoping you’d accompany me,” Gabriel said.
“Of course.” My sister clapped her hands. It was just like her to get excited once a consensus had been reached. “It’ll be great!”
Saturday evening was balmy and clear, perfect for a beach bonfire. The sky was blue velvet, and a gentle breeze from the south swayed the trees, making them look as though they were bowing to one another. I should have been feeling on edge, but in my head everything made perfect sense. I was about to cement my connection with Xavier by bringing our conflicting worlds together.
I paid special attention to what I should wear that night and chose a loose-fitting dress made of soft white crepe with a bow at the back. Gabriel and Ivy were in the living room when I went downstairs. Gabe was reading the minuscule print of a religious text with the aid of a magnifying glass. It was such an incongruous sight given his youthful physique that I had to suppress a giggle. Ivy was vainly attempting to train Phantom to obey basic commands.
“Sit, Phantom,” she said in the kind of gooey voice people usually reserve for infants. “Sit for Mommy.”
I knew Phantom wouldn’t obey so long as she adopted that tone with him. He was a very intelligent dog and didn’t like being patronized. I imagined the expression on his face to be one of disdain.
“Don’t be too long,” Gabriel cautioned me.
He knew I was going to take an evening walk along the beach with some friends, and he also knew that Xavier would be among them. He’d raised no objection to this, so I figured he must be mellowing on the topic of my social life. The weight of our mission meant that sometimes each of us simply needed to escape from the task. Nobody protested when he went for a solitary run or when Ivy locked herself away in the guesthouse with only her sketchbook for company. So there was no reason why I shouldn’t be allowed the same courtesy when I needed time out.
They trusted me enough not to ask too many questions, and I hated myself for the way I was about to betray them. But there was no question of backing out now — I wanted to invite Xavier into my secret world, I craved the intimacy. Mingled with my determination was a nagging fear that such a contravention would result in serious punishment. But I forced the worry from my mind and filled it instead with an image of Xavier’s face. After tonight we would face everything together.
I didn’t intend staying out long — just long enough to tell Xavier my secret and deal with whatever his reaction might be. I had been over and over the possible outcomes in my head and had finally narrowed them down to three. He could be enthralled, appalled, or frightened. Would he think I belonged in a museum? Would he even believe the truth when I finally mustered the nerve to say it aloud or would he think it was an elaborate hoax? I was about to find out.
“Bethany’s quite capable of looking after herself,” said Ivy. “Sit, Phantom! Sit down!”
“It’s not Bethany — it’s the rest of the world I’m worried about,” said Gabriel. “We’ve seen some of the stupid things that go on. Just be careful and keep your eyes open.”
“Will do!” I said, giving him a military salute and ignoring the sharp pang of guilt in my chest. Gabriel wasn’t going to forgive this one in a hurry.
“Sit, Phantom!” Ivy cooed. “On your bottom!”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake!” Gabriel put down his book and pointed a long finger at Phantom. “Sit,” he commanded in a deep voice.
Phantom looked sheepish and sank straight to the floor.
Ivy scowled in frustration. “I’ve been trying to get him to do that all day! What is it with dogs and male authority?”
I ran lightly down the narrow steps to the scrubby track leading to the beach. Sometimes there were snake tracks in the sand and the occasional lizard darted across the path. Twigs snapped underfoot and the trees grew so dense in places that they formed a canopy over my head through which only slivers of the setting sun’s light managed to slip. An orchestra of cicadas drowned out all sound save for the roaring of the ocean. I knew that if I lost my way I could always follow the sound of the sea.
I reached the silky, white sand of the beach, which squeaked under my feet. The location for the bonfire was out near the cliffs because everybody knew it would be deserted. I headed along the beach, thinking how much more rugged the landscape looked at night. There was nobody around save for a lone fisherman casting his line from the shore. I watched him reel in and inspect his catch before throwing its thrashing body back to the waves. I noticed that the ocean varied in color: inky blue at its deepest point where it met the horizon; closer to aquamarine in the middle; and the waves that lapped at the shore were pale green and glassy. In the distance I could see a promontory jutting out, and at its top was perched a white lighthouse. It looked about the size of a thimble from where I stood.