Mozart and David Copperfield's tech team to do the idea justice. People would hover above the ground, there would be flashes of lightning, waterfalls and a symphony that would make the plaster fall off the walls and swirl in flakes around the conjoined couple like confetti spiralling up to the ceiling.
Nothing like that occurred in the church at Nåten.
Suffice to say that Simon and Anna-Greta exchanged vows, that some appropriate music was played on the organ, and that many people were moved. However, there was one beautiful thing that happened. Anna-Greta was a radiant bride, and Simon was rather a mess. Despite the fact that he had managed to get into his wedding outfit, it looked as if he had done so in rather a hurry. His tie was crooked, his socks didn't match his trousers and his hair was tousled.
But let joy be unconfined nevertheless! Let love come! Let it be victorious!
Let the couple walk out on to the church steps and let Anna-Greta's two friends, who know how these things should be done, shower them with confetti, and let us hear the choirs of angels in the background and see the cascades of eider feathers that have been collected from the islands for months, let them fall from the heavens like snowy apple blossom strewn from the hands of God the Father as he opens his warm embrace.
Yes!
Yes, yes, yes!
And then let us go together to the community centre and help ourselves to the buffet. This day is not over yet. Not by a long way. Let us go.
The water
People spread themselves out around the tables and, to Anders' relief, Anna-Greta took him by the arm so that he ended up next to her, with no one on his other side. Opposite him sat Anna-Greta's two friends, and after Anna-Greta had introduced them as Gerda and Lisa, the two ladies concentrated on each other.
The guests filled their plates and helped themselves to beer or soft drinks. It certainly wasn't a showy affair, and it was almost fortunate that Simon's entrance had made it something to remember.
But Simon wasn't done yet.
After Anders had congratulated his grandmother and told her once again how lovely she looked, he leaned over to pass on his good wishes to Simon too, but Simon was preoccupied with something going on inside himself. He was staring down at the table with concentration etched on his face, his lips moving slightly.
Anders was about to say something to bring him back to reality when Simon suddenly got to his feet and tapped on his neighbour's bottle with a fork.
'Dear friends!' he said. 'There are certain things that…' He stopped and looked at Anna-Greta, who was looking at him questioningly. He cleared his throat and tried again. 'First of all I would like to say how happy I am. That you have come here today, that I have been given…the blessing of marrying the most wonderful woman ever to have sat in a boat. Or not sat in a boat.'
A few people laughed and scattered applause broke out. Anna- Greta lowered her eyes becomingly.
'And there was another matter…and I don't know how to…there's something I have to tell you, and I don't really know…there are so many…'
Simon looked around the room. There was total silence now. One person had their fork halfway to their mouth, and lowered it slowly as Simon groped for the right words.
'What I wanted to say,' said Simon, 'is that since so many people from Domarci are gathered here together…and perhaps this isn't the most suitable occasion and I don't really know how to put it, but…'
Simon stopped speaking again and Anders heard Gerda whisper to Lisa, 'Is he drunk?' Lisa nodded and clamped her lips together thinly as, under the table, Anna-Greta gave a hesitant tug at Simon's trouser leg in an attempt to get him to sit down.
Simon made a decision and straightened up, speaking more clearly, 'There is no sensible way of putting this, so I'm just going to say it and you must take it as you wish.'
Lisa and Gerda had leaned back in their seats, folded their arms, and were looking at Simon with distaste. Other guests were looking at each other and wondering what was to come. Eyebrows were raised when Simon seemed to be starting on a completely different tack.
'The wells on Domarö,' he said. 'I know that several people have had problems with salt water getting in, that the drinking water is contaminated by the sea seeping in.'
There were nods here and there. Even if it was impossible to understand why Simon had brought up this issue, at least what he said was a well-known fact. When Simon started to speak again, his eyes flickered over towards Anders from time to time.
'We have also had a number of other problems recently. People suddenly being odd or even…wicked. People who don't seem to be themselves, if you see what I mean.'
There were nods of agreement here and there. They could go along with that too. Before long he would probably mention that the cod had been fished out as well, another tedious but incontrovertible fact.
'What I wanted to say,' said Simon, 'is that I've worked out that these two things are connected. This…illness or whatever we ought to call it, affects those who have salt water in their wells. So…those of you who have salt water in your well, don't drink it!'
If Simon had hoped for gasps of amazement and recognition from his audience, he was disappointed. Most of them were looking at him with expressions ranging from scepticism to incomprehension. Simon flung his arms wide and raised his voice.
'That's how the sea gets in! Don't you understand? They're in the sea and they…find their way in through the water in the wells. If we drink it they get inside us and we…change.'
When Simon still didn't get the reaction he was looking for, he sighed and said in a more resigned tone of voice, 'I'm just asking you to believe what I say. Don't drink water that has become salty. Let's say it's poisonous, just for simplicity's sake. Don't drink it.'
Simon slumped back down on his chair and there was a long silence. Gradually murmured conversations sprang up around the table. Anna-Greta leaned over to Simon and said something. Lisa and Gerda still had their arms folded, and looked as if they were waiting for the next instalment.
And Anders…
It was as if he had heard only snatches of a melody until now. Sometimes faintly, as if it was coming through the wall from another room. Sometimes louder but quickly fading, as if from a passing car with its stereo turned to full volume. Sometimes just a note or two in the soughing of the trees and the dripping of the water during the night.
With Simon's words, the entire orchestra stepped forward out of the darkness and crashed into life, deafening him and silencing his whole body.
The water. Of course. The drinking water.
Despite the perception that Maja was running through his body, it had never occurred to him that that was actually the way it was. He had been going around knocking back wine from plastic bottles, sometimes several litres per day. Wine diluted with water from the tap. He had woken feeling thirsty and hungover, and had drunk lots and lots of water.
And what really made him almost slide off his chair as he sank further and further into the music: Maja had not left him at all. He just hadn't been drinking water. During the whole of the previous day he had drunk only undiluted wine and wormwood concentrate. It was only when he got to Anna-Greta's house that he had taken in liquid in the form of water. And their water wasn't…infected.
Anders felt a hand on his back and Simon leaned over him. 'Do you understand?' he whispered.
Anders nodded vaguely as the music of all the connections continued to reverberate in his head. The eternal sea, always one and the same, that could work its way into every crack, could spread and extend but always returned to itself. One vast body with billions of limbs, from thundering waves to rivulets as thin as a spider's leg that found their way in, found their way through. The sea. And those who existed within it.