“Of course. I’m always here for you. Why were you sitting outside anyway?” A hint of color pinked Jenna’s cheeks, and Crystal chuckled. “You forgot your key again?”
“I left it at Rachel’s. She’s going to bring it to class this afternoon.” Crystal just shook her head. “So, it was bad?”
Crystal frowned, not needing Jenna to explain what she meant. “One of the worst I can remember.” She hesitated for a moment, but Crystal had to know. “Any idea what might’ve brought it on?”
Jenna tucked strands of sleep-tangled hair, a shade more fiery than Crystal’s own, behind her ears. “Rachel and I stayed up late finishing our history presentation for today.”
This was exactly why Crystal always worried when Jenna slept over at one of her friends’ houses. But Jenna knew lack of sleep could trigger a seizure, and she’d be twenty in two weeks. Crystal couldn’t mother her forever, no matter how much she wanted to sometimes. “So, you pulled an all-nighter,” she said as gently as she could.
“Almost. I’m sorry.”
Crystal nodded. “What can I get you to eat? Food might make you feel better.” She turned back to the fridge. “I can make you some butter noodles if your stomach’s still upset—”
“Wait. That’s it? You’re not going to yell at me?” Jenna reached around Crystal and grabbed a Sprite from the fridge, cracked it open, and took a small sip.
Jenna was the last person Crystal had left in this world. Arguing with her was nowhere near the top of her list of favorite things to do. Ever. “Nope. You know what you need to do and what you need to avoid. I’m not happy you stayed up when you know it’s dangerous, but I also get why you did it. Wasn’t like you were out clubbing or drinking. You know how important it is to take care of yourself without me saying it, and I’m guessing how bad you feel is punishment enough.”
Jenna braced her elbows against the small stretch of counter beside the fridge. “Yeah. Well, thanks. It’s cool of you.” She took another drink of soda.
Crystal smiled, feeling a weight lifted from her shoulders now that Jenna was doing a little better. “You’re welcome. Now, butter noodles or something else?”
“Noodles, please. And thanks for always being so good to me. I know it must be a drag sometimes.”
Settling the butter and parmesan cheese on the counter, Crystal turned back to her sister. “Don’t say that. It’s not. And, anyway, it’s what family does. We stick together through everything.”
Twenty minutes later, they were enjoying the comfort food at their tiny kitchen table. The carbs ensured that Crystal would have to add time to her workout. It was one thing to be required to wear revealing clothes. It was a whole other thing to feel like all her exposed parts jiggled as she moved. So she exercised pretty much every day whether she wanted to or not. It was also a great way to burn off the stress and frustration that came with living a life of lies.
Swallowing a bite of buttery, cheesy goodness, her gaze strayed to the living-room window. Nice as it was outside, maybe she’d go for a run instead of going to the gym—something else Bruno paid for.
A fork clanked heavily against a plate. “Sara!”
Jenna’s voice made her jump. Instinctively, she looked around, as if making sure Bruno hadn’t heard Jenna use the name. He was the one who’d insisted Crystal needed a new name—one with more sex appeal that would bring bigger tips. She’d gone along with it at work because she’d had to—Confessions was his domain. But she hadn’t realized he’d intended to change her name entirely. It had only taken one instance of his reacting to her request to call her Sara outside of Confessions for her never to ask again. And for her to give in and become the name. Now, how messed up was it that she was so used to Crystal that, for a split second, Crystal didn’t realize Jenna was talking to her? “What? What’s the matter?” As she gawked, Jen’s expression morphed from surprised to outraged to downright pissed off. “He hit you. Again.”
Damn. The mark was so much lighter this morning, Crystal had hoped Jenna wouldn’t notice. Once, Jenna had liked Bruno in a worshipful, big-brother way. When the violence started leaving visible marks, Crystal had been able to cover . . . right up until a set of finger-shaped bruises appeared on her arm. Since then, Jenna hadn’t been able to stand being in the same room with Bruno. She always managed a decent cover story, but Crystal still worried every time that Jenna would lash out at Bruno, and he’d turn on her. If that happened . . . Crystal shuddered and inhaled to reply—
“Don’t you dare try to deny it.” Jenna crossed her arms over her chest as her eyes went glassy.
As much as Crystal hated Bruno’s striking her, she hated Jenna’s knowing about it more. And the likelihood that Jenna lost a little more respect for her every time it happened hurt so bad, she was sure her very soul must be bleeding. But it wasn’t like Crystal could admit she only maintained the relationship to afford Jenna’s epilepsy meds and to keep them safe from the Church organization. Because Jenna didn’t know about the scars on Crystal’s back. Nor how she’d gotten them. And she could never know. “I’m not.”
Silence hung heavily between them.
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”
Crystal settled her fork on the place mat, her appetite gone. “What would you like me to say?”
“What would I like—Are you kidding me? Uh, let’s see . . . I would like you to say that you’re going to call the police. I would love you to say you’re getting a restraining order. I would freaking flip for you to promise you’ll never see him again.”
She inhaled to take a breath, paused, then tried again. “It’s not that simple,” Crystal managed.
Color flooded Jenna’s cheeks. “Like hell! It’s totally that simple.”
“Jen—”
“No.” She shoved up from the table. “When is it going to be enough, huh? When he puts you in the hospital? When he kills you?”
In eight months. That’s when it’ll be enough. But Crystal didn’t say that, of course. She didn’t want to do anything—yet—to give away her plans, not even to Jenna. Because waiting ’til winter wouldn’t make sense to Jenna unless she also understood the financial and safety considerations Crystal juggled. And those were burdens Crystal didn’t want Jenna to have to bear.
Because Crystal was the big sister. She was the one who’d promised their incarcerated father to do whatever it took to take care of Jenna. Crystal might’ve been forced to grow up fast and set aside her dreams at the age of nineteen, but she refused to let that happen to Jenna, too.
But what can I say? How can I make her understand? “Please sit down, sweetie. It’s okay.”
If possible, Jenna’s expression became even more irate. “It’s not even a little okay, Sara.” She shook her head, spilling fat tears from the corners of both eyes. “You want to know why my seizures are getting worse? Why I’ve been getting behind on schoolwork and having to pull all-nighters?” She plowed on before Crystal got the chance to respond. “Because I am so worried about you, sometimes I can barely think, barely sleep. Every time a new mark shows up, I wonder if the next time, I’ll lose you and end up all alone.”
Crystal rose, guilt and regret souring her stomach. She knew that feeling. God, did she know that feeling. “Oh, Jenna. No. If you could just trust me—”
“Trust you? Not until you’re willing to take care of yourself, too. Not until you’re willing to stop being a victim.” She ran across the room and down the hall. Her door slammed, punctuating the word echoing in Crystal’s ears.