Forcing herself to take a deep, calming breath, Crystal eyed Shane for a long moment. “What?” she finally asked in a voice just greater than a whisper.
He dropped his hands into his lap. “Would it freak you out if I told you I really wanted to hold you right now? I know you’re in trouble, Crystal. I don’t know how to help, and it’s killing me—”
“Okay,” she said, because she yearned to feel his arms around her again. And because she knew she couldn’t handle any more conversation. Unlike the typical twenty-three-year-old, Crystal couldn’t talk about movies or TV shows or what she’d done with her friends last weekend. She never went to the movies, rarely watched TV, and had no friends. Her conversational reach extended to superficialities on the one hand or life-and-death topics on the other.
“Okay?” His expression looked so happy, like she’d done something special for him when it was clearly the other way around.
Crystal nodded, but then wasn’t sure exactly what to do. No man had ever cuddled her before. Not ever.
Shane reached for her. “Come here, darlin’,” he said, nearly hauling her across the seat until her back came up against his front, her body situated between his legs, her legs drawn up in front of her. And, good God, he was hard and warm everywhere she was soft and cold. Crystal couldn’t help but burrow against him.
He released a satisfied sigh as his arms wrapped around her stomach. After a minute, she let herself relax and rested her head against his shoulder, one of her arms lying atop one of his. And then he laced their fingers together.
A sting rose against the backs of Crystal’s eyes. For some reason, what they were doing hadn’t felt so intimate until he’d done that. Stupid, really, but feeling connected to someone else wasn’t something she was used to.
With his other hand, Shane played with her hair, stroking it back off her face, tucking it behind her ear, wrapping a long length of it around a finger, then releasing. From there, his hand trailed over her arm, just a comforting rub, like he was trying to warm her.
So this is what affection feels like. Yep. But don’t get used to it. Easier said than done. Because Shane’s touch was like water to someone who’d been stranded in the desert. Crystal wasn’t sure how she’d be able to stop with just one sip.
“What just happened?” Shane asked in a low voice against her ear.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“You just tensed up, sweetness. Am I making you uncomfortable?” He lifted his arms away.
Instantly missing him, Crystal grabbed his hand and brought it back against her stomach. “No. Not at all. It’s . . . nice.”
“Then what?”
She shook her head. “It’s nothing. Stupid.”
“Turn around here a little bit, Crystal. Please?” Nerves made her stomach flutter, but she turned on her hip so that her left shoulder was tucked into the crook under his right arm, her thigh propped up a little on his. He nudged her chin upward until she met his gaze. “Nothing you could think or say to me would be stupid. Ever. Please don’t devalue yourself that way because I never would.”
Crystal’s throat went tight. Because Shane—in all his goodness, in all his decency—was the real deal. And it was both amazing and tragic that she’d ever met him. “I don’t know what to say,” she rasped.
His hand slid up, warm and strong against her cheek. “Just say okay.”
“Okay,” she whispered, because in that moment, she was totally powerless against Shane McCallan. He could ask anything, do anything, and she’d be right there with him. Her eyes dropped to his lips and her memory resurrected the feel of them against her own, the delicious minty taste of his tongue in her mouth, the incredibly arousing sounds he made in the back of his throat as he devoured her.
Against her hip, Shane’s erection grew, and a wave of desire rushed through Crystal’s body.
“Don’t look at me like that, Crystal,” he said, his voice a raw scrape. It wasn’t a demand or a threat. It was a plea. And the thought that this big, strong, powerful man was begging her for anything was thrilling.
“Like what?” she asked, dragging her gaze up to his. In the diffuse light of the streetlamp, she could tell his eyes were absolutely blazing, and it only fueled the arousal rising up inside her.
“Like maybe you want me the way I want you.” Tilting his head, he nuzzled his face against hers, the tip of his nose trailing over her cheek, his breath ghosting over her lips. “Like maybe you’d let me kiss you and touch you.” A quick brush of his lips against her temple and ear. “Like maybe you’d let me in.”
Crystal could barely breathe for the way her heart was pounding and her pulse was racing. She slid a hand up his chest to his neck, wanting, needing, just absolutely yearning to have this. Just this once.
Leaning into him, Crystal held his gaze and adored the way his expression filled with such expectant satisfaction, like she’d surprised him. Pleased him.
She pressed her lips to his.
The groan he unleashed was needful, almost triumphant. His arms came around her gently and pulled her in. And it wasn’t enough. She needed to be closer. Deeper. She needed more of Shane McCallan.
She might never get another chance.
A flicker of unbidden panic whipped through her body. Bruno had been her only lover for the past four years, and she’d only been able to take him inside her after months’ buildup of trust and familiarity of touch. That was back before he’d shown his true colors. Or before she’d shed her naïveté. Maybe they were the same thing. Who knew?
Stop thinking about Bruno and get out of your head. Just feel. You deserve this. You need this. Besides, cart before horse, much?
Shane pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. “I didn’t come here expecting this. Hoped, maybe.” He smiled. “But I really just needed to see you.”
“I’m glad you came,” she said, combing her fingers through the sides of his hair, then holding his face in her hands.
“What do you want, sweetness? I’d give you anything.” Over her hoodie, his hands rubbed up and down her back, hip to shoulder, hip to shoulder.
Crystal couldn’t find the words, so she tilted her face and claimed his lips, and this time the kiss unleashed a fire that seemed to flash through both of them. She shifted into a kneeling position between his thighs, and he hauled her into his lap so that she straddled him. The position brought the hard length of his cock between her legs and she gasped and moaned at the feel of him so close to where she was wet and wanting.
They pressed closer, held tighter, kissed more deeply until all Crystal knew, all that existed in the world, was this moment, this place, this man.
Shane’s hands moved over her body. Fisting in the long lengths of her hair. Gently cupping and massaging her breasts. Stroking her bare thighs. Crystal adored the way he seemed to need to touch her. How powerful and necessary human touch was. How life-giving and affirming. And how simply mind-blowing was it to discover that touch could be a giving thing, not just about taking, that touch could be healing, and not just about hurting, that touch could comfort, and not just exert control. Even when things had been better with Bruno, they’d never been like this.
And to think she’d found someone who could teach her something so fundamental that she’d never known before. Or, maybe, she’d known but hadn’t believed.
Now she did. Because of Shane. No matter how little time she got to have him in her life, she would always be grateful that he’d shown her what it could be like. With the right person.