“Let it go, Thomas,” I mutter as I turn away and head into the stairwell, despite all of the horrible images flashing through my mind of what could be wrong. And then I become angry. I’m not a worrier. I’m not some overdramatic guy who worries about people I don’t care about. If I were, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. I see death and destruction all the time in all sorts of unfathomable ways, so I’ve learned to not think about those possibilities.
So why the fuck am I thinking along those lines when it comes to Beaux? The last thing I want is to be thinking about her.
Shit. This whole thing with Stella has affected me. The thought pisses me off even further because that means the brass at work might just be right. And I won’t let them be right. Now I’m pissed both at Beaux and myself, so it seems my little venture to set things right just put me back on the goddamn Tilt-A-Whirl.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that when I fling open the stairwell door to my floor, I collide solidly with another person going just as fast as I am. We both cry out as we stumble backward, and I know before I even look down whose biceps my hands are gripping. I push Beaux away like she’s a hot coal.
We stare at each other, chests heaving, eyes guarded. Her hair is a mess and her makeup is smudged under her eyes, lips nude, but Christ she’s still absolutely beautiful. I shove the unwelcome thought away and manage to drag my eyes from hers to notice she has on the same clothes as yesterday, camera bag dropped on the ground behind her from our collision.
“Where the hell have you been?” She looks at me like I’m crazy for asking. Maybe I am, but I still want an answer.
“None of your damn business.”
“Actually, it is.” Still, I ask myself, why the fuck do I care? I shouldn’t. I don’t want to. But damn it to hell, this woman calls to me on all kinds of levels.
“Screw you.” She pins me with a nasty look as she steps to one side, and I mirror her motions to prevent her from leaving. The truth is I’m looking for a fight, and she just walked headfirst into one.
“Well, you got the screwing part down pat.” I make a show of looking up and down her body, connecting the dots I don’t want to connect: same clothes, different floor of the hotel, a tired woman. She spent the night with someone else. “It seems you like to play with all the boys on the block, huh?” The words are out of my mouth before I can see through my disregard for her. Sure, I don’t want anything more from her, but at the same time, my ego is bruised to think she didn’t think more of me – or any other man for that matter – to at least wait a day before moving to the next warm bed.
I’m such an asshat. I was sitting up at her door worried that something was wrong with her because she wasn’t answering, when instead she was busy ringing up her own bedpost tally. Serves me goddamn right for caring. Lesson learned.
Beaux stares me down, blatant derision mixed with embarrassment playing out all over her flushed cheeks, while my disbelief at my earlier concern skyrockets.
“I don’t believe it’s any of your business what I do or don’t do, Tanner. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted and want some sleep.” Her gaze flickers down to my bare chest and the T-shirt bundled in my hand before reaching my eyes again. She raises her eyebrows as she waits for me to move, and the irony isn’t lost on me how the positions were reversed just yesterday.
“What if we had a lead? What if I was just up at your room pounding on your door because you didn’t answer your phone? How would you handle it then, huh?” Honestly I know I’m being a prick by baiting her with my questions, but I’m past the point of caring. “This isn’t sorority row. It’s best you start acting like the professional you claim to be instead of some two-bit —”
She’s in my face so fast, the rest of the words don’t have a chance to leave my mouth. “Who and what I am is none of your goddamn business so long as I do my job properly! It’s best you start remembering that as well.”
The heat of her body is pressed against my bare skin, and I hate the ache that stirs deep in my lower belly. Her breath mingles with mine from our proximity, and I want to step back from her, give us the distance I most definitely need to keep this on the professional level, but somehow I can’t make my feet move.
“Good to know. I’ll believe it when I see it.” My gaze travels down to her lips and then back up to her eyes, a half-cocked smirk on my lips. “But I think you’ve forgotten one important thing.”
“What’s that?” she huffs out, and I love that I’m irritating her. Serves her right.
“If I can’t get hold of you, then you can’t do your job properly. It’s best you start remembering that as well,” I say, throwing her words back in her face.
“How long are you going to play the asshole card, Tanner?”
My only response is to raise my eyebrows and purse my lips. “Long as it takes.”
“Lucky me.” Her green eyes blaze into mine, but I just look back at her like I don’t give two fucks. “This conversation has been absolutely scintillating, but I’m sure watching the back of my eyelids is much more exciting. If you’ll excuse me…”
And there she goes again walking away from me, taunting me with what I most definitely don’t want, but what man wouldn’t enjoy watching her ass as it goes?
I’m dialing Rafe before she’s up the first flight of stairs.
“Hey.” He answers just as I unlock the door to my room, and I wait until I close it behind me before I respond.
“What gives? Where are all of the embed missions you said you were setting up for me?” I’m antsy as fuck to get out in the field, get that buzz again.
“It’s only been forty-eight hours since wheels down, Thomas. Cool your jets.” Rafe tries to placate me with exasperation.
“It may be only two days, but you had a few months to set shit up for me while you were making me jump through your circus hoops to get back here.” He was so adamant that he be the ringmaster.
“Our military liaison is working on it, and —”
“Don’t give me any bullshit lines, Rafe. You’ve got me fucking handcuffed. I know I’m being watched here like a goddamn dog to make sure I play by the rules… and I am, I assure you… but if you don’t throw me a bone soon, I’m going to find one on my own, protocol be damned,” I say, lying to him with ease.
“How’s it going with you and Beaux?” The subtle change of subject tells me he heard me loud and clear and that he knows if he can’t make something happen for me, I’ll make it happen myself. We’ve worked together long enough that I know he can’t consent to my going against company policy by entering the danger zone on my own accord.
It’s my ass on the line. And I’m good with that. Too bad now my ass means Beaux’s too.
I grunt a nonresponse. “Don’t think I don’t see the setup here. The babysitting job you guys dropped on me because you think I’m unstable. I’ll do my job, Rafe, and I’ll do it damn well.”