I could hardly believe it was less than three weeks since we’d sat together in that little country pub in Yorkshire and he’d asked me to go to Germany. It was like none of the events of last year had ever happened and we were back in the army again, with all the baggage that implied.
It didn’t help that Sean was wearing the old familiar garb, or something so close to it as to be almost indistinguishable. He had on a khaki T-shirt because he never had felt the cold, and neatly pressed camouflage trousers that sat snug around his narrow hips, secured by the same webbing belt.
He’d even abandoned the expensive Breitling somewhere along the way. Instead he’d retrieved his plain battered old watch with the leather cover that snapped over the face. It was the sight of that watch, more than anything else, which sent a shiver through me.
I recalled Madeleine telling me that Sean was coming to Germany, but I’d never actually got around to asking her about it. Why would he bring an old watch with him other than because he knew he was likely to be going into combat?
Now he strolled into the room managing to convey the impression the Major was merely preceding him, rather than that he was following. He allowed his eyes to skate over the occupants with that same old flat scrutiny, the one that had so terrified me back then.
His gaze passed over me just once. It was cold, indifferent, giving away no hint that he knew me at all, but I couldn’t prevent the stab of remembered fear.
Even after we’d spent that first breathtaking weekend together, and I’d returned to camp dazed and not a little staggered by the depth of the experience, Sean had not allowed his control to slip, had not changed in his outward behaviour towards me. Most of the time, at any rate.
Just occasionally, when we were alone together, or out of sight and earshot of anyone else, he’d launched one of those slow-burning smiles at me, or touched my face. I’d found those tiny unexpected gestures, coming after such a rigid adhesion to protocol, quite devastating in their erotic effect.
And the next time we’d had the opportunity to be together, without fear of interruption or discovery, the release of that long over-wound tension had been both explosive and profound.
I’d fallen for him utterly, without restraint, so that when he seemingly abandoned me I found I’d kept nothing in reserve to sustain me. Looking back, it was a wonder I survived the ordeal.
Now, the Major took Sean straight through the middle of us and up onto the dais where the instructors were giving him the same suspicious appraisal as the students. He weathered their inspection with easy contempt. No defiance, just indifference. I know what I am, his attitude said, and I don’t really give a damn what you choose to make of me.
Gilby turned to face us. By this time he didn’t really need to call for silence, but the impresario in him meant he paused a moment anyway.
“If I might have your attention for a moment,” he said, needlessly, “I’d like to introduce a new instructor.”
Sean stood alongside him, hands low on his hips, eyes raking over us as though in search of weakness. The students shifted in their seats and kept their gaze fastened safely on the Major.
“This is Mr Meyer,” Gilby went on. “Those of you who’ve taken an interest in the close protection world will undoubtedly be aware of his reputation. We’ve been lucky enough to secure his services at short notice to come and join our team for the remainder of this course. I hope you’ll do your best to impress him with the skills you’ve already learned.”
Gilby was nervous of Sean, I realised with surprise. If not actually afraid of him.
Sean stepped forwards and nodded briefly to the Major, who relinquished control without a murmur, like we were watching the arrival of a new alpha wolf in the pack.
“Good afternoon,” Sean said. It was as much of an introduction as he was going to give. “We’ll be picking up your unarmed combat training right away after lunch. You can forget everything you’ve achieved so far because now you’re going to have to prove how good you are all over again.” He paused, looked around the still faces, then added grimly, “The bad news is you’re going to have to prove it to me.”
I’d heard him speak those words before. Exactly those words.
I told myself that I’d been through this before, that I knew what to expect, but I found myself unconvinced. The time and distance since the last time did nothing to make me fear the prospect any less.
***
I suspect that most of the students – the ones who hadn’t heard of Sean, at any rate – thought he was much too full of himself. Until we started the lesson, that is.
For openers Sean set up a free-for-all scenario where he picked Declan as his principal and told the rest of us to try and get to him, any way we liked. It was a walkabout situation, a packed crowd, common enough. The only difference was that instead of just one of us being an assassin or a simple nutcase, all of us were.
It was a brave gambit, but one I’d seen Sean play before. It was designed to expose the chancers, the ones who thought they’d show what a big man they were by going in hard, aiming for damage. Those with that kind of macho temperament could rarely resist the temptation.
Sean dealt with all our efforts with the kind of casual grace that was an innate part of him. Nobody came close to grabbing hold of Declan, and after a few minutes the Irishman was grinning at the increasing wildness of our attempts and the apparently careless ease with which they were foiled.
Where people went in quietly, Sean repulsed them the same way, but where others tried to hurt him he responded with instant violence, a mirror of their own aggression.
Sex didn’t matter, he made no distinction. When Jan went for a nasty armlock, he flipped the positions and jerked her up short and tight with a painful lock of his own. He held her just long enough for her to recognise that he knew what she’d been trying to do, then released her.
After fifteen minutes of failure, Sean called a halt.
“OK, that wasn’t bad,” he said calmly. “But now it’s my turn.”
A ripple of disquiet ran through the group. It was well justified, as we were soon to discover. For the remainder of the lesson he took on the role of attacker, calling forwards and defeating one after another of the students in their role as bodyguard. He made the small seem weak, the big seem merely clumsy. And he made everybody seem painfully slow.
By the time the clock above the doorway was within a few minutes of time up he’d gone through just about all of us, except me. I stayed slightly back, grateful for the respite, assuming that Gilby must have warned him about my excursion on the assault course.
And so, I was totally unprepared for what was to come.
Sean finished evading Hofmann’s overreached defence, turned slowly, and his gaze landed squarely on me.
“You,” he said. “Charlie, isn’t it? Step forward and let’s see how you get on.”
No, Sean, I prayed silently, don’t do this to me. But, with limbs that felt leaden, I complied, moving onto the crashmat. He was staring at me with that unfathomable gaze, face set.
“So, Charlie, I’m a threat to your principal, you’re between the two of us.” He smiled, but I felt no more reassured. He spread his arms, so arrogant that he needed to ready no defence against me. “Come on then,” he taunted. “Come and do your thing. Stop me.”
For a moment I met Sean’s eyes. Why was he doing this? So I’d spilled the beans to Gilby, but surely if he hadn’t wanted to be here, on the inside, he would have refused to come? What did he have to gain by picking me out like this?