Snape blinked in utter shock. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this taken by surprise. Well, except for the night he'd learned about Harry's home life. Why was it that this annoying brat kept shocking him? He was supposed to be unshockable, unmovable, unfeeling. Yet this irritating child kept sneaking through his shields.
"Why would you want me to be your guardian?" he demanded. He was pleased to note that the bewilderment came out sounding like anger.
Harry wouldn't raise his gaze. He raised one shoulder in a half-shrug.
"Answer my question," Snape commanded sharply.
Harry wasn't sure if his not yet being hit or sneered at was a good sign or a bad one. He knew Snape wouldn't agree to his request тАУ when was the last time Harry ever got something he had asked for? тАУ but he thought that maybe, just maybe, he could explain so that the man would at least feel a bit flattered, rather than repulsed. "Y-you're nice."
"Potter! I am not nice!" It was as if he had accused the man of some truly vile practice.
"You were nice to me," Harry said stubbornly. "No one else is. Well, except for Hagrid or Ron. And you already said I'm going to spend time with the Weasleys, and Hagrid, well, I don't think he'd be a good guardian. He's a great friend an' all, but I don't think he's really, y'knowтАж"
Snape smothered a snort of amusement. Well, the boy wasn't a complete dunce. He obviously had Hagrid figured out.
"Go on."
"And you haven't lied to me. And everyone says you're really smart. And no one ever picks on you, so maybe if you were my guardian, no one would pick on me, either." Harry's voice trailed off and he slumped in despair. Good one, Harry. Of all the things you could have said, you had to pick one that shows how needy and desperate you are. Of course he'll choose you now. Who wouldn't want such a useless, whiny little freak?
Snape suddenly found it hard to swallow. The scrawny, dark haired child, huddled so forlornly in the corner of the sofa, had brought back an unexpected surge of memories. Wanting desperately to belong, needing someone's protection or even just a scrap of concern, craving someone's тАУ anyone's тАУ affectionтАж And of course, receiving nothing but violence from all sides: his father, the Marauders, his Housemates. So much for Hogwarts being a sanctuary. Yes, it had spared him the worst of his father's excesses, but it hadn't exactly offered safety, not when he was constantly ambushed and mocked. Little wonder he had fallen prey to the blandishments of the Dark Lord. Though of course, in the end, he turned out to be just another sadistic, violent tormentor.
Snape forced down his emotions with brutal efficiency. This wasn't about him. It was about the Potter spawnтАж Though he didn't really look like a spawn all huddled over like that. More like some pathetic, brokenтАж Stop. Stop right there. You are getting ridiculously sentimental, he told himself firmly. What difference is it to you if James Potter's son has had as awful a childhood as you did? Why should you care if тАУ and then the child looked up, and Lily's eyes begged him.
"Yes." He nearly looked around to see who had spoken. That couldn't have been him, could it?
FIN?? Or TBC?? You tell me...
*Chapter 4*: Chapter 4
"Yes." He nearly looked around to see who had spoken. That couldn't have been him, could it?
The boy's shining eyes told him that yes, it had been him. Before he could curse himself or obliviate the brat, Harry's body had rocketed into his, grabbing him about the waist. The entirely unexpected force of the boy's small but solid body knocked the wind out of Snape, and it was a moment before he could actually speakтАж Or at least that's what he fiercely told himself.
"Yes, all right, all right," he said testily, patting the brat gingerly on the shoulder. Were all children thisтАж childish?
"Do you really mean it?" Harry looked up at him, but maintained his tight hold around Snape's middle. This had the effect of digging the brat's pointy little chin into his solar plexus, and made Severus' words come out a tinge more breathlessly than usual тАУ well, that's how he explained it to himself.
"I said it, didn't I?" he snapped. "Are you accusing me of mere insincerity or outright deceit?"
"No, no!" Harry protested, eyes widening with horror. "I just meant тАУ I didn't think тАУ"
"Obviously." Snape glared down at him. Somehow his hands were still around the little monster's shoulders, despite his very clear intention to have pushed him away well before now.
Harry ducked his head and buried his head in Snape's robes, further jolting the man's midriff and forcing out a grunt.
"Thank you," the brat mumbled into his robes.
"You're welcome," he replied gruffly. Merlin тАУ what have I done? Now how will I get rid of the brat?
"Am I doing this right?" Harry asked uncertainly, still holding onto Snape as if he were never going to let go.
"Doing what right?" Snape demanded irritably. Now what was the little horror on about? Was this how it was going to be? Never ending questions? The need for constant reassurance? He himself had never been this needy! тАжYou never had anyone to whom you could express your need, a traitorous voice at the back of his mind pointed out.
"Hugging." Harry looked up again worriedly. "I only did it once before, when Mrs Weasley said goodbye to me and Ron at the station. She hugged him first and then she hugged me. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Ron pulled away, but that seemed rude, so I didn't, but I didn't know if I was supposed to do something else instead."
That effectively ended any questions Snape might have had about how the Muggles treated the boy.
"Right." His homicidal fury, unable to be unleashed at the proper targets, found outlet in another direction. He pulled the boy off and set him back on the couch, pinning him with his eyes. "You and I need to have a little talk."
Harry immediately flinched back, eyes darkening with panic. Stupid! Uncle Vernon had had these "talks" with him before. He mentally kicked himself. How could he have been such an idiot? He knew better than to try to hug someone тАУ he'd been slapped around enough times for trying it with his relatives тАУ and just because the professor was nice enough to help him avoid the orphanage didn't mean that he wanted to be touched by a freak like Harry. As soon as Snape agreed to be his guardian, Harry had gone and grabbed him. No wonder he was going to catch it; he could only hope the professor wouldn't change his mind about everything else. "I'm really sorry," he gabbled. "I won't do it again. I just got excited. I won't touch you again. Honest."
Snape's eyes narrowed. So the precious little Gryffindor didn't want to touch the nasty Slytherin? "And just what is wrong with me that you dare not soil yourself with my touch?" he demanded menacingly. If the little brat thought that he was going to be able to insult him with impunityтАж
Harry's face clouded with confusion. "It's not you. It's me. I know I'm not supposed to touch normal people." Then he really panicked at Snape's expression. "I'm sorry!" he cried out, cringing back before the inevitable blow.
"Potter!" Snape forced his fury down. He was so going to enjoy visiting those Muggles. "Stop cowering and apologizing!"
"Sor тАУ" Harry caught himself. He watched Snape with frightened eyes. He couldn't understand why, given the man's obvious rage, he hadn't yet struck Harry. What was he waiting for?