But even if his da had found out, through some mysterious parental magic, Harry figured it had been worth it to see the indignant 'Puffs stalking around the castle with purple stains on their bums. The previously placid House had had its ire aroused and had let it be known that when they discovered the culprits, they would retaliate. Now Harry and his friends were trying desperately to come up with a way to make the 'Puffs think it had been the Ravens. Then they could sit back and watch the sparks fly!
"Sit down, Potter," his da ordered, sounding unusually stern. "I have somethingтАж serious... to discuss with you."
Harry bit his lip. Uh oh. This didn't sound good. Should he confess in the hopes of keeping the other two out of it? Or had he done something else to make his da eye him in that unnerving fashion?
"You may find what I have to tell you to be distressing," Snape continued, feeling incredibly awkward. How was he supposed to break the news that he had unilaterally supplanted the boy's parents? It wasn't as if he was going to insist the boy change his surname, for Merlin's sake, but the adoption would still technically the replacement of one father with another. Snape would not have been surprised if the ghost of James Potter appeared and punched him in the nose. Dear Earth Science News, If you note a new wobble in the earth's orbit, I suggest you investigate a certain grave in Godric's Hollow. Its resident is likely to be spinning at such a speed as to interfere with planetary motionтАж
"Wh- what is it, Da?" Now Harry was getting nervous. Even if his part in the prank had been discovered, he really hadn't expected anything worse than a detention or essay тАУ and maybe a public apology to the 'Puffs. After all, the elves would eventually be able to get the stains out the Hufflepuffs' robes, and while the three of them had been out well after curfew, technically being out at 3 AM wasn't so different from just getting up really early.
The boys honestly hadn't worried that much about being caught тАУ Professor Sprout was a really soft touch, and if they had begged hard enough, she'd probably have agreed to punish them herself, rather than turning them over to Professors Lupin or Snape. And a detention in the greenhouses wasn't so awful. But now the look on his da's face was making him worry that he'd disastrously misjudged the situation. Why else would he be so тАУ oh, no!
"Did something happen to Moony last night?" he blurted, a new fear striking him. "Or Padfoot?"
Snape's unease had reduced his patience even more than usual. "They're fine," he snapped. "Now be still and listen!" He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I have done something which you may not like, but you will just have to adjust to the situation," he said sternly.
"Okay," Harry said anxiously. What could his da be talking about?
"You will recall that, roughly a year ago, you asked me to be your guardian."
Harry nodded, his heart suddenly hammering. Oh no! After a whole year, his da must have gotten tired of having him around, and he was giving up the guardianship. Harry began to suck in panicky breaths.
"After the events of last year, and the changes that this new school year has brought, it has become clear to me that an informal guardianship was not the ideal situation," Snape continued awkwardly. He hoped that if he spelled things out, the brat might realize that the adoption was all for the best.
"Y'sir." Harry forced the words out of his dry throat. He was not going to blub like a baby. Of course the professor was too busy to keep looking out for him. He was the Deputy Headmaster now, and hadn't Harry proven how much trouble he could be? Last year, barely a month had gone by without some kind of crisis. And now with Padfoot and Moony at the school, naturally Professor Snape must feel relieved that someone else was available to look after such a burdensome charge. It wasn't like his first father had been friends with Professor Snape, or even particularly nice to him. It was just that Professor Snape was so kind that he'd taken Harry on when no one else would.
"And soтАж" Snape found he had to clear his throat again, "I тАУ ah тАУ I took certain necessary steps and тАУ erm тАУ " Oh, for Merlin's sake! He was stammering like a firstie! Just spit it out and let the boy have his tantrum! " тАУ Ihavegoneaheadandadoptedyou."
Harry's jaw dropped. He couldn't possibly have heard what he thought he'd heard. Barely breathing, he whispered, "What did you say, sir?"
Snape glowered at the brat. Look at him тАУ all pale and shaking! Obviously he was about to burst into shrieks of outrage any second. "You heard me," he snapped. "I have adopted you. You are now legally my son." There. Potter would just have to deal with it.
Harry fought to make sense of the man's words. He was adopted? But тАУ but that meant that the professor could never give him up. That he'd be stuck with Harry forever. Could he possibly have heard correctly?
"Y-you mean you don't want to give me away?"
Snape blinked. "What?" What was the boy babbling? Give him away? To whom?
"You don't mind being my da? Forever?" Harry gulped.
"You don't mind my adopting you? Formally?" Snape demanded.
"Why would I mind that?" Harry asked blankly. "But why would you want it? It means you can't get rid of me. Not ever."
Snape scowled at the brat. "Idiot. I have no intention of getting rid of you, now or in the future. Do you think me so fickle in my promises?"
"But what if you want to have your own kids one day? Or you decide I'm too much trouble? Or that -"
"Foolish brat." The fleeting pity Snape had felt for the Dursleys was rapidly evaporating in the face of this reminder of Harry's very fragile sense of self-worth. "I already have a son. You," he added, not willing to take a chance with Gryffindorish understanding. "In the unlikely event I someday decide to have other children, you will remain the eldest. And if the Weasleys have never seen fit to toss back the twins, I cannot imagine why you think I will find you overly troublesome. I would have thought that even a Gryffindor would have come to realize that my presence in your life is of a permanent nature, but obviously I was wrong and you have considered our relationship merely temporary. Well, these adoption papers should set you straight." He dropped the official scroll on the table between them, and Harry dazedly picked it up.
He scanned the form and sure enough, that's exactly what it said. He, Harry James Potter, was from this day forward recognized under Wizarding law to be the legal son and heir of Severus Snape. There were a lot of fancy terms and big words, but that part was crystal clear. He had a father. A legal, proper, no-question-about-it father.
"D-does this change anything?" he asked tentatively, looking up at his da.
Snape frowned. Why didn't the brat get on with the howling already? "Such as?" At Harry's uncertain shrug, he snorted impatiently. "I can hardly attempt to answer such a general and poorly phrased question, Mr Potter, but suffice it to say that I do not anticipate any changes of note. You will still have access to your dogfather and the wolf, you may still spend time with the Weasley clan, and I have no intention of changing the rules which govern your behavior. Now тАУ given those facts, do you wish to clarify your question?"
Harry breathlessly shook his head. He could barely believe his luck. His da hadn't changed his mind at all! He was only making his relationship with Harry more permanent, not less.
Snape felt puzzled. Why wasn't Potter yelling and screaming, or at least complaining bitterly about not having been consulted. "Don't you have any objections?" he finally asked.