And I wasn't working too hard on extricating myself from that attachment either.
"Jesse's situation is kind of unique," I said to Craig in what I hoped was a reassuring tone - both for his sake as well as Jesse's. "I'm sure yours is nowhere near as complicated."
"Damn straight," Craig said. "Because I'm not even supposed to be here."
"Right," I said. "And I'm going to do my best to get you moving on to that next life of yours. . . ."
Craig frowned. It was the same frown he'd been wearing all through dinner, as he'd gazed at Jake's friend Neil.
"No," he said. "That's not what I meant. I mean I'm not supposed to be here. As in, I'm not supposed to be dead."
I nodded. I had heard this one before, countless times. No one wants to wake up and discover that he or she is no longer alive. No one.
"It's hard," I said. "I know it is. But eventually you'll adjust to the idea, I promise. And things will be better once we figure out what exactly is holding you back - "
"You don't get it," Craig said, shaking his dark head. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. What's holding me back is the fact that I'm not the one who's supposed to be dead."
I said hesitantly, "Well . . . that may be. But there's nothing I can do about that."
"What do you mean?" Craig rose to his feet and stood in my bedroom, looking furious. "What do you mean, there's nothing you can do about that? What am I doing here, then? I thought you said you could help me. I thought you said you were the mediator."
"I am," I said with a hasty glance at Jesse, who looked as taken aback as I felt. "But I don't dictate who lives or dies. That's not up to me. It's not part of my job."
Craig, his expression turning to one of disgust, said, "Well, thanks for nothing, then," and started stalking toward my bedroom door.
I wasn't about to stop him. I mean, I didn't really want anything more to do with him. He seemed like kind of a rude guy with a chip on his big swimmer's shoulders. If he didn't want my help, hey, not my problem.
It was Jesse who stopped him.
"You," he said, in a voice that was deep enough - and commanding enough - to cause Craig to stop in his tracks. "Apologize to her."
The guy in the doorway turned his head slowly to stare at Jesse.
"No freaking way," was what he had the lack of foresight to say.
A second later, he wasn't walking out - or even through - that door. No, he was pinned to it. Jesse was holding one of Craig's arms at what looked to be a fairly painful angle behind his back, and he was leaning heavily against him.
"Apologize," Jesse hissed, "to the young lady. She is trying to do you a kindness. You do not turn your back on someone who is trying to do you a kindness."
Whoa. For a guy who seems to want nothing to do with me, Jesse sure can be testy sometimes about how other people treat me.
"I'm sorry," Craig said in a voice that was muffled against the wood of the door. He sounded like he might be in pain. Just because you are dead, of course, does not mean you are immune to injury. Your soul remembers, even if your body is gone.
"That's better," Jesse said, releasing him.
Craig sagged against the door. Even though he was kind of a jerk and all, I felt sorry for the guy. I mean, he had had an even tougher day than I had, what with being dead and all.
"It's just," Craig said in a suffering tone as he reached up to rub the arm Jesse had nearly broken, "that it isn't fair, you know? It wasn't supposed to have been me. I was the one who should have lived. Not Neil."
I looked at him with some surprise. "Oh? Neil was with you on the boat?"
"Catamaran," Craig corrected me. "And yeah, of course he was."
"He was your sailing partner?"
Craig sent me a look of disgust, then, with a nervous glance at Jesse, quickly modified it to one of polite disdain.
"Of course not," he said. "Do you think we'd have tipped if Neil had had the slightest clue what he was doing? By rights, he's the one who should be dead. I don't know what Mom and Dad were thinking. Take Neil out on the cat with you. You never take Neil out on the cat with you. Well, I hope they're happy now. I took Neil out on the cat with me. And look where it got me. I'm dead. And my stupid brother is the one who lived."
6
Well, at least now I knew why Neil had been sort of quiet all through dinner: He'd just lost his only brother.
"The guy couldn't swim to the other side of the pool," Craig insisted, "without having an asthma attack. How could he have clung to the side of a catamaran for seven hours, in ten-foot swells, before being rescued? How?"
I was at a loss to explain it as well. Much as I was at a loss as to how I was going to explain to Craig that it was his belief that his brother should be dead that was keeping his soul earthbound.
"Maybe," I suggested tentatively, "you got hit in the head."
"So what if I did?" Craig glared at me, letting me know my guess was right on target. "Freaking Neil - who couldn't do a chin-up to save his life - he managed to hold on. Me, the guy with all the swimming trophies? Yeah, I'm the one who drowned. There's no justice in the world. And that's why I'm here, and Neil's downstairs eating freaking fajitas."
Jesse looked solemn. "Is it your plan, then, to avenge your death by taking your brother's life, as you feel yours was taken?"
I winced. I could tell by Craig's expression that nothing of the kind had ever occurred to him. I was sorry Jesse had suggested it.
"No way, man," Craig said. Then, looking as if he was having second thoughts, he added, "Could I even do that? I mean, kill someone? If I wanted to?"
"No," I said, at the same time that Jesse said, "Yes, but you would be risking your immortal soul - "
Craig didn't listen to me, of course. Only to Jesse.
"Cool," he said, staring down at his own hands.
"No killing," I said loudly. "There will be no fratricide. Not on my watch."
Craig glanced up at me, looking surprised.
"I'm not gonna kill him," he said.
I shook my head. "Then what?" I asked. "What's holding you back? Was there ... I don't know/Something left unsaid between the two of you? Do you want me to say it to him for you? Whatever it is?"
Craig looked at me like I was nuts.
"Neil?" he echoed. "Are you kidding me? I've got nothing to say to Neil. The guy's a tool. I mean, look at him, hanging around a guy like your brother."
While I myself do not hold my stepbrothers in very high esteem - with the exception of David, of course - that didn't mean I could sit idly by while someone maligned them to my face. At least, not Jake, who was, for the most part, fairly inoffensive.
"What's wrong with my brother?" I demanded a little hotly. "I mean, my stepbrother?"
"Well, nothing against him, really," Craig said. "But, you know . . . well. I mean, I know Neil's just a freshman and impressionable and all that, but I warned him, you can't get anywhere at NoCal unless you hang with the surfers."
I had, by that time, had about all I could take from Craig Jankow.
"Okay," I said, walking to my bedroom door. "Well, it was great to meet you, Craig. You'll be hearing from me." He would, too. I'd know how to find him. All I'd have to do is look for Neil, and ten to one, I'd find Craig trailing along behind.
Craig looked eager. "You mean you're going to try to bring me back to life?"
"No," I said. "I mean, like, I'll determine why you are still here, and not where you're supposed to be."
"Right," Craig said. "Alive."
"I think she means in heaven," Jesse said. Jesse doesn't go much for the whole reincarnation thing the way I do. "Or hell."
Craig, who had taken to eyeing Jesse quite nervously since the whole incident by the door, looked alarmed.