He began trembling uncontrollably and for the first time in a while, really wanted a drink. “Why am I still alive?” He spoke it out loud, but he had no answer; that part of the memory did not come. He knew it would eventually, he just hoped it would be in time.
(73)
Chris McCauley opened the door and entered the gloom of the Witch’s Hat. He carried a small duffel bag that held an expensive camera, a high-powered flash, and several rolls of film. Drawing in a deep breath, he scanned the bar, hoping not to find what he was looking for, knowing he would. Sure enough, Jake sat slouched in a stool at the end of the bar, staring at his glass.
Earlier that afternoon, Mossy had stopped by looking for Jake, saying he’d already been to Jake’s apartment. They both pretended not to know where Jake was while Mossy explained a little more detail about his plan. He was going to get what he needed to make the poison canister, he wouldn’t say how, and wanted to get in the tunnels within the next day or two if all went well. He gave Chris the camera to give to Jake. Deep down, Chris knew he would be the one using it when the time came.
He slid onto the stool next to Jake and signaled the bartender to bring him a beer. He had no idea what to say to Jake. After all, he hadn’t seen what Jake saw. If it was half as bad as Jake described, Chris knew he might be trying to drown the memory too. He nodded his thanks when the bartender placed a beer in front of him, then took a long drink, struggling for the right words. Jake put him out of his misery.
“I’m sorry Chris. I thought I could do it, but I’m too scared.” His speech was slurred, he’d been there a while. “I was home when Mossy came by with the camera. That’s when I knew. I stayed quiet until he left, then I came here. That thing… I’m so sorry Chris…”
Chris reached out and put a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder. “Jake, it’s okay. If I had seen that thing, maybe I couldn’t go through with it either.”
Jake smiled, a heartbreakingly sad smile filled with anguish and regret. “Sure you could, Chris. And so could Dad. I’m the weak one… too weak to face it and too weak to kill myself…”
“Stop it, Jake.” He grabbed his brother’s chin and forced him to look at him. “Enough of the bullshit drama. You’re just as strong as Dad and I, it’s this shit…” He picked up Jake’s empty glass and slammed it down on the bar, drawing an annoyed look from the bartender. “It’s the booze that keeps you down, Jake. I saw you the other night in here with Mossy, I saw the old Jake that didn’t know how to quit. The Jake that hated to lose and rooted for the underdog and always tried to make things right. Seeing what you saw… I don’t know… there’s no way to know how to deal with it. But it doesn’t change who you are, Jake. You’re a good person who was dealt a shitty hand. Instead of playing it as best you could, you folded. But now you have a chance to get back in the game. Put it all behind you and start over. It has nothing to do with you being a part of killing this thing. It has to do with moving on. Now you know the truth about that day. If you had tried to save Willie, you’d be dead. Now there’s no more excuses. You can get your shit together, or you can keep killing yourself one drink at a time. It’s your choice.”
He placed the duffel bag on the bar in front of Jake, then turned and left, not waiting for a reply, not waiting to see if Jake would follow.
(74)
The sound of their footsteps was deafening, echoing endlessly through the empty corridors. They kept their flashlights off for the moment. The halls were lit with low-wattage “emergency” lights that kicked on after dark much like streetlights. Their shadows danced playfully as they approached and passed each of the lights. Denny turned again to glance over his shoulder, not really knowing what he expected to see but unable to stop himself from doing it. Next he stole a glance at his partner in crime—literally. The look on the old man’s face frightened him. The combination of determination and fear was a mask covering a lifetime of sadness. In bright sunlight it would have been enough to make him turn away. Here in the gloom of the deserted school, it was all Denny could do not to turn and run.
They had “broken in” through a first floor cafeteria window. Denny had jammed the window’s lock before leaving school that day. The irony of breaking into a school didn’t escape Denny, as he spent most of his hours in class wanting nothing more than to get out of the school. “Turn here, we have to go upstairs,” he whispered, startled at the sound of his own voice. Moses pushed open the metal door to the stairwell, which responded with a squeal Denny was sure could be heard as far away as the police station. Moses closed the door as quietly as he could and they started up the stairs. When they reached the second floor, they went through a similar and equally loud door. Denny went through these doors a dozen times a day and couldn’t ever remember hearing them.
They reached the door to the science lab and a conflict of emotions raged in Denny’s head when the knob wouldn’t turn. Half of him was relieved, now they could get out before they were caught. The other half was aggravated, knowing any complication to their plan increased the danger to all of them. Both halves were scared. Moses nudged him aside and pulled something from his pocket. For a horrible moment Denny thought he was going to simply smash the glass of the door.
“Shine your light here, Denny.” He fumbled with his light and finally found the switch. The light seemed too bright, like a beacon alerting the police. Denny was relieved to see Moses was holding a small screwdriver-like tool instead of a hammer. He bent over and jiggled the tool around the lock while Denny tried to keep the light still. Within a minute he heard a click and Moses was swinging the door open. “You learn a lot of valuable lessons on the street,” he said with a wink.
They entered the room, Moses switching his light on as well. There were no emergency lights in the room; they needed to risk using their flashlights. Denny showed Moses where the chemicals were stored. From that point, his job was to hold the light steady and carefully place the various bottles Moses handed him into his backpack. It seemed like an eternity, but finally Moses signaled he was done. They made their way quickly and quietly out of the lab, and closed the door behind them. Neither noticed the headlights as a car pulled into the school’s drive.
They retraced their steps down the stairs and into the first floor hallway. They turned to go into the cafeteria and Denny felt his bladder almost let go. They both stepped back behind the cafeteria doorway. Outside the window, silhouetted in a flashing blue light, stood what could only be a police officer. He was shining a flashlight of his own, a much larger one by the way, around the window that Denny and Moses had entered. And foolishly left open. The window was partially hidden by a small row of hedges. Denny and Moses had agreed that leaving it open would be safe enough—who would notice? Denny’s mind was reeling, but it suddenly became obvious. The science lab was on the Center Street side of the building. A passing car, or maybe even a cruiser, had spotted the flashlight beams moving around. The cop did a quick check on the doors, and then began checking the windows. The next sound they heard was two heavy feet landing on the tiled floor of the cafeteria. He was inside the school with them!
Mossy grabbed his arm lightly, and Denny barely suppressed a scream. Moses pulled him backwards, further away from the cafeteria entrance. They backed slowly down the hall, keeping their eyes on the cafeteria doorway. The movement of the flashlight swept across the doorway several times. To Denny it meant the cop was probably searching the cafeteria for signs of vandalism or whatever. When the beam focused out the door, it was time to worry. Moses and Denny reached an intersection and turned. When they were around the corner, they began walking faster to distance themselves from trouble. They reached another turn, and when they were around this corner, Moses stopped and bent down to face Denny. “We have two choices—try to wait it out by hiding, or make a run for it. I’m for the latter.” Denny swallowed hard, then peeked around the corner half expecting to be face-to-face with Haven’s finest, but there was nobody, and no sign of a flashlight.