But wouldn't you know it — out of all the people in the world, my name was one of the first ones they picked.
3
The time for me to leave came a lot sooner than I hoped.
I was kind of bummed out and feeling sorry for myself because it was my last weekend before I went to Los Angeles for my induction into a new life in the Haven. You'd think I'd be more than happy to leave the wreck of a city and crummy civilization behind, but as the days went by all I felt was a sense of dread.
I was twenty years old. I'd been stumbling and clawing around for the last few years, trying to hold on to something. Trying to find something that mattered. Whatever I had wasn't much, but it was mine. And in the blink of an eye, it would be gone forever. When the Havens sealed their doors; when our collective lungs filled with oxygenated fluid, and we fell into a dreamless slumber for a century or so, the world would die around us. Nothing familiar would be there when we woke.
Everyone I knew, everything I had would be dust.
That's wasn't exactly the cheeriest of thoughts to ponder. Sure, everyone congratulated me, threw parties, bought me drinks and in general treated me like a celebrity. But I didn't get it. They were the ones about to face an inescapable death. Why be happy for me? It only made me feel worse, like I was cheating somehow. It's hard to explain.
It was time to say goodbye. I started at my apartment with my two roommates. It wasn't exactly a tear fest. The two years of living together had taken their toll by then. We had started off as pretty good friends, and were still friends, just without the pretty good. Knowing someone is a lot different than living with someone, let me tell you. When you live with someone, you learn stuff, like all their dirty habits and annoying personality traits. I don't like most guys as a rule anyway, so lasting this long was a miracle for me.
Randal and Donny. They couldn't be more different. Donny was one of those guys who tried to cover being dorky by being snobby but never fooled anyone. He had more money than Randal and me on account of his job as a gopher for black market vendors. His risky occupation brought him heaps of cash, and with no future to worry about he was free to blow it on anything he wanted. He was one of the first guys to get the full VR suit with sensory enhancers when they came out. It pushed the gaming experience into a new frontier, I have to admit. Even I had to borrow it now and again, even though it burned me to have to ask.
Anyway, it was a Friday afternoon and I was sitting there, bummed out because I didn't want to go to the stupid Haven and live through the apocalypse and all. But I didn't want to admit that to anyone, because any rational person would punch me in the face for my lack of gratitude and good sense. The deadline was coming up fast, and I had to go or have my slot revoked. Maybe that wouldn't have been so bad. Before winning the lottery, my mom had been pressuring me to move to Mississippi, where she moved after dad died. Her parents lived there, in Mississippi. I missed her a lot. I never said it out loud, but I did. My mom is the nicest person in the world. I used to be just like her before the world started to piss on my head all the time.
My mom said that the Cataclysm would probably pass over Mississippi because there was nothing there. That had a strange logic to it but was also the reason I couldn't see moving there. I mean, if the choice was between losing everyone and everything by going to the Haven or moving to Mississippi, I'd choose the Haven in a heartbeat. I mean, who moves to Mississippi? Anyway, the lottery killed all that. Mom was so happy when I won that I didn't have the heart to let her know how I really felt.
So in came Donny, off from another one of his gopher jobs. He swore he was James Bond or something, but the black market didn't exude the same kind of danger it used to before the War. The authorities didn't care if you were smuggling nirvanic or toothpaste. Just as long as you weren't smuggling weapons, because killing people before everyone died anyway was a big no-no. Daniel just delivered goods that were hard to come by, but listening to him you'd swear he put his life on the line every time he sat behind the wheel.
Every day he came in with a story to tell, about how someone did him wrong or stared at him the wrong way, that sort of stuff. Donny was real paranoid and insecure. It really got on my nerves sometimes. I was sitting on our beat-up couch, trying to concentrate on reading some poetry collection called Immortal Musings, by some pretentious author. I told you how I feel about poetry, but I needed something to match all the depressing thoughts running through my head. So it was almost a relief when Donny came in with one of his completely useless yarns. Almost.
First of all, he went to the fridge and got a beer. Then he kinda walked around a bit, throwing sidelong glances at me. Like I said, he tended to be a little on the paranoid side. A real twitchy kind of guy. Finally, he sat back in the easy chair and sighed. One of those big, phony sighs that people give when they want you to think that they've been working real hard, and are just so tired. You know the kind. Then he started talking. He never warmed a story up. Good storytellers always warm up the story, to get you interested and all. Donny just launched right into it, which made his stories even more ridiculous.
"Man, I was at the charge station. You know, in line paying for my charge and stuff. I still had my work clothes on, you know — real inconspicuous." He paused for a moment to see if I appreciated his use of the word inconspicuous. He knew I read all the time, so occasionally he'd try to demonstrate how smart he was by tossing in some five-dollar word. Insecure people do that all the time. Drop in words like cognizant or neuroplasticity as a way to prove they're intelligent. Or in Donny's case, inconspicuous. The sad thing was it wasn't even an impressive word. But try telling that to ol' Donny.
When he realized I wasn't at all impressed, he cleared his throat and continued. "This lady next to me in line acted like she didn't want to come near me, man — she was a real snob. I think she might be one of those Havenbound, the way she was carrying on. I mean, she looked at me all funny and then said hmph."
Now at this point, this conversation might sound real interesting to you, but to me it was as stimulating as a moldy piece of bread. But it was the typical Donny topic, and boy was he getting into it. I may have made some kind of grunting sound, so he continued, all excited.
"So, she came out while I was recharging. Man, she was just driving a regular sedan, and trying to look down at me. A sedan! It was old too. Still ran on gas." He gave a mulish laugh.
"So I pulled alongside in my skimmer, let my window down, and looked at her. I said 'hmph.' Then I drove off!" He erupted in jackass laughter again. You would have thought his car flew or something, the way he talked about it. It was a brand-new skimmer, so it had the hover option. Floating a few feet above the ground on fusion thrusters was pretty cool, I had to admit. But there's nothing that kills cool more than a person who flashes it in your face all the time.
"That's funny, Donny," I said, trying to be polite. I didn't laugh, though. I can't laugh at stuff that's not funny. I get annoyed when I see other people do it, so I make it a point never to be that fake. He chuckled for a little bit longer, enjoying his little moment of triumph. I lifted my tablet again, but it was hopeless. I just couldn't read with another presence in the room; it was distracting as hell. Plus the place was empty as a tomb because he and Randal were in the process of moving out. With me leaving, they decided to go their separate ways as well. Most of the stuff was already shuttled out, leaving just the carcass of a once lively apartment.