“My cousins from Havana are obviously as crazy as you are, Carlito,” Juan Carlos said. “But I like the idea of getting the straight story to people at the top. The reports of your DEA never seem to get there.”
“You realize, of course, that if you stay, it’s going to cost Those People in Las Vegas a lot of money.”
“Screw those people in Las Vegas,” Susanna said.
[FOUR]
The President of the United States was not in a good mood when Secretary of State Natalie Cohen, DCI A. Franklin Lammelle, General Allan B. Naylor, Senior, and Director of National Intelligence Truman C. Ellsworth filed into the Cabinet Room and stood waiting to be acknowledged.
The President had just been informed by Supervisory Special Agent Robert J. Mulligan that his mother-in-law, who had gone missing from Happy Haven, the Baptist assisted living facility in Pascagoula, Mississippi, several days before had been located.
The “First Mother-in-Law” was in the Biloxi, Mississippi, jail charged with public drunkenness and assault on a police officer. It appeared that she had overly availed herself of the free cocktails offered by the Biloxi Palace Casino to its gaming guests at the roulette tables.
Mulligan said he could probably spring her from durance vile by noon, but that wasn’t going to solve much. The Reverend J. Finley Cushman, DD, who had taken her in after she had been asked to leave the Ocean Springs branch of the Baptist assisted living facility, had made it quite clear if she ever got loose again and brought shame upon Happy Haven by getting into the Devil’s Brew, they would have to find some other haven for her.
Since she had been asked to leave just about every other facility in Mississippi, that posed problems. The prospect of having to face the First Mother-in-Law every morning at breakfast in the White House struck terror in the heart of Joshua Ezekiel Clendennen.
“Mr. President,” Secretary Cohen said, “we have another report from Colonel Castillo.”
The President was so upset that he momentarily couldn’t remember who Castillo was, and thought she was referring to the head of the Mississippi State Police, who was also a colonel.
“Mulligan just told me,” the President said, rather impatiently. And then he remembered.
“Give it to me,” he said, and then, “Sit.”
He read the report:
TOP SECRET
URGENT
DUPLICATION FORBIDDEN
TO: POTUS
SUBJECT: REPORT
VIA SECRETARY OF STATE
MAKE AVAILABLE (EYES ONLY) TO:
DIRECTOR, CIA
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE
C IN C CENTRAL COMMAND
OOR SITREP #2
US EMBASSY MEXICO CITY 2300 ZULU 14 JUNE 2007
1-INASMUCH AS THE NEWS REPORT OF MR. ROSCOE J. DANTON (ATTACHED, SUITABLY REDACTED) COVERS THE ACTIVITIES OF THE UNDERSIGNED IN SOME DETAIL, THE UNDERSIGNED WILL NOT WASTE THE TIME OF POTUS BY REPEATING THEM HEREIN.
2-THE UNDERSIGNED IS PRESENTLY EN ROUTE TO BUDAPEST, HUNGARY, IN THE PANAMANIAN EXECUTIVE AIRCRAFT FLOWN BY COLONEL TORINE, RETD., AND MAJOR MILLER, RETD., AND ACCOMPANIED BY THE FOLLOWING PERSONNEL:
A. NAYLOR, LTC ALLAN B. USA
B. D’ALESSANDRO, MR. VICTOR DA CIV GS-15
C. LEVERETTE, COLIN
D. BRADLEY, LESTER
E. LORIMER, EDMUND
F. BRITTON, JOHN
G. BRITTON, DR. SANDRA
H. DAMON, C. GREGORY
I. BARLOW, SUSAN
J. DANTON, ROSCOE J.
3-ONCE IN BUDAPEST, THE UNDERSIGNED WILL DETERMINE THE BEST WAY TO INFILTRATE LEVERETTE, THE BRITTONS, AND DAMON INTO SOMALIA, TO DEVELOP OTHER INTELLIGENCE, AND TAKE WHATEVER OTHER APPROPRIATE ACTION IS DEEMED NECESSARY. A REPORT WILL BE FURNISHED.
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED.
CASTILLO, LTC, RETD.
TOP SECRET
“What the hell does ‘suitably redacted’ mean?” the President asked.
“‘Redact,’ Mr. President,” Presidential Spokesperson Robin Hoboken said, “means to adapt by obscuring sensitive information. I would think then that ‘suitably redact’ means to do so suitably.”
“And how would you do that?” the President asked.
“Give me just a minute to look that up, Mr. President,” Hoboken said.
“How are we going to talk about this if you don’t have copies of it before you?” the President inquired of the three senior officials.
“Mr. President,” Truman Ellsworth said, “if you’ll look toward the head of Colonel Castillo’s report, it says ‘Duplication Forbidden.’”
“Let me tell you something, Mr. Ellsworth,” President Clendennen said. “I’m POTUS and Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces. No lousy little lieutenant colonel like this man Castillo is going to tell me I can’t make copies of any damned piece of paper I want.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Hoboken,” the President ordered, “make copies of this for everybody.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. President. Before or after I look up ‘suitably redacted’?”
“‘Suitably redacted’ can wait,” the President said, “since we don’t even know what that means.”
Three minutes later, Robin Hoboken passed out copies of Danton’s story.
He got through the first two paragraphs…
SLUG: OPERATION OUT OF THE BOX
TAKE ONE
BY ROSCOE J. DANTON
WASHINGTON TIMES-POST WRITERS SYNDICATE
DAY ONE — JUNE 11, 2007
BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA
THIS REPORTER FLEW OVERNIGHT FROM WASHINGTON TO “THE PARIS OF SOUTH AMERICA” CARRYING ORDERS FROM PRESIDENT JOSHUA EZEKIEL CLENDENNEN TO LIEUTENANT COLONEL ██████ “EMBEDDING” ME WITH “OPERATION OUT OF THE BOX” FOR THE DURATION OF THE TOP SECRET OPERATION.
THE PRESIDENT DECIDED HE NEEDED A FRESH, AND VERY EXPERIENCED, EYE TO HAVE A LOOK AT TWO PROBLEMS: THE MEXICAN DRUG CARTELS AND THE SOMALI PIRATES. HE DECIDED THAT ██████, A RETIRED LEGENDARY SPECIAL OPERATOR AND INTELLIGENCE OFFICER, WAS TO BE THAT EYE, REPORTING DIRECTLY AND ONLY TO HIM, AND RECALLED ██████ TO ACTIVE DUTY. PRESIDENT CLENDENNEN ALSO DECIDED THAT EMBEDDING WHAT HE DESCRIBED AS “A WELL-KNOWN JOURNALIST OF UNQUESTIONED INTEGRITY” WITH COLONEL ██████ WAS THE BEST WAY TO BRING, WHEN THE TIME CAME, THE FULL STORY OF OPERATION OUT OF THE BOX TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, AND HUMBLED THIS REPORTER BY SELECTING ME.
“What the hell are these black boxes all over this?” President Clendennen then demanded.
“Mr. President,” Secretary Cohen explained, “those are redacting marks showing what has been redacted.”
“I’ll be damned. And you didn’t know that, Hoboken?”
“I will from now on, Mr. President,” Hoboken said firmly.
The President resumed reading:
THE ONLY RESTRICTION ON THIS REPORTER’S REPORTING, THE PRESIDENT TOLD ME, WAS THAT MY STORIES WOULD HAVE TO UNDERGO VETTING BY INTELLIGENCE OFFICERS SO AS TO ENSURE OUR ENEMIES LEARNED NOTHING OF VALUE FROM THEM, AND THAT I WOULD PUBLISH NOTHING UNTIL OPERATION OUT OF THE BOX WAS CONCLUDED.
ON THIS REPORTER’S ARRIVAL IN BUENOS AIRES, I WAS INFORMED THAT THE U.S. EMBASSY HAD NO IDEA OF COLONEL ██████ LOCATION. THIS REPORTER PERSEVERED, HOWEVER, AND LEARNED THAT THE LEGENDARY INTELLIGENCE OFFICER WAS IN BARILOCHE — A SKI RESORT SOMETIMES CALLED “THE VAIL OF ARGENTINA” — AND GOT HIM ON THE TELEPHONE.