There is very much more of which I have to unburden my heart to you. For example I have come to realise that there is a big difference in character between my younger colleague and myself. She is too interested in pleasing at all cost and for this purpose anything goes. I have got used to her passing off my opinions on books as her own, and my beliefs about this or that problem, after half an hour, even in my presence, quite openly claiming them to be the product of her own mind.
The balloon went up on our last stay at the Berg when she started to speak for me, i.e. when somebody asked me something directly she got her oar in first and answered on my behalf before I had a chance to open my mouth (if it had been on office matters it would not have bothered me, but these were the most private things), or if I was sitting with somebody in serious conversation she had to come along and butt in with loud comments and so ruin everything. Then in all her glory in the ‘I’m convinced of it’ type of superior tone she came out with so many well-stretched out ‘Isn’t its?’ and ‘Don’t you agrees?’ that I got furious. Since then I have been very reserved and only speak to her if I have to. The worst thing is that the boss is very taken with her and she naturally used that to her advantage. You know yourself best how unpleasant such things can get. So life is an eternal struggle to get my own point across and that I do not like. It is the case today that men (and particularly those here) like to have around them pretty, nicely made-up, young, totally unproblematical heads. No trouble from a serious face, thank you! On the Berg recently I had enough of it. But then I told myself, I cannot just throw in the towel. I cannot start all over again and in any case you meet struggles and resistance wherever you go. I shall just be glad when it is over at least and I can pack my bags and take the cure…
Chapter 6
The Polish Campaign
ON 1 SEPTEMBER 1939 the war with Poland came as a surprise for us all, and at 2100 on the evening of 3 September we left Berlin in Hitler’s special train for Poland. As usual we had been given no time to make preparations for the journey. ‘In a couple of hours we are leaving Berlin,’ I wrote to my friend on the afternoon of 3 September:
First of all receive a Hallo from me. Now I have to go through thick and thin with the boss. That it could be the thing I do not like to think but if so◦– then life has nothing more for me. When you write please do so to the address at the head of this letter, I will reply from the same…
At the beginning of the Polish campaign Hitler directed operations from his special train in the vicinity of Gogolin. Every morning he was driven to the Front to visit the most forward lines. In the evening he would return covered in muck and dust. Before leaving again he would dictate exhortations and orders of the day to his troops. During the siege of Warsaw he made appeals to the population to abandon the city. Only towards the end of the campaign did he set up his HQ in the Casino Hotel at Zoppot.
Letter from FHQ, Poland, 11 September 1939:
We have been living in the Führer-train for ten days, continually changing sidings, but since we◦– Dara and I◦– never leave the train it is very monotonous. The heat is almost insufferable, simply frightful. The sun beats down all day on the roof and one is powerless against the tropical-type heat. I have got really fat, simply ghastly. In addition the worst is that one cannot do anything useful. It is always the same: the boss leaves in the morning with his officers in the car and we are condemned to wait and wait. We have done everything possible to help out somewhere but it is simply impossible because we do not stay long enough in one place.
Recently we spent a night near a transit dressing station. A big transport came along full of wounded. Dr Brandt was operating all night, our people from the SS bodyguard helped out. We, Dara and I, offered to write letters for the wounded to their next of kin and were hoping to be able to help out a little in this way. But once again it was turned down, the senior surgeon was very pleased and thanked us but since it is only a transit unit our offer was inconvenient. How envious I was to hear about your coal-shovelling, I would like to have been there, at least one can see what role one is playing.
Our people who went into Poland with the boss can naturally see what is going on, but it is not safe because they often come under fire from ambushes. They cannot convince the boss not to stand up in the car as he does in Germany, not even in the most exposed areas. I think it is crazy but he will not listen. The first day they drove through a wood infested with partisans. Half an hour before, an unarmed German medical team had been wiped out. The single survivor managed to escape to tell the story.
Polish aircraft were bombing not far away. It is assumed that the Poles saw the Führer-convoy. Visible to all and sundry the boss stood on a hilltop, the soldiers ran towards him from all directions shouting Heil!◦– and the Polish artillery was in the valley. They obviously saw the crowd forming and◦– since it is no secret that the Führer is spending time at the Front◦– it was not too difficult for them to guess who was there. Half an hour later their aircraft dropped bombs near him. It is of course a great incentive for the forces and has a colossal effect for morale to see the Führer in the danger zone. All the same, in my opinion the danger is too great.
I am very interested to see how the business with the British and French develops. I hope that the French will soon see that it is not worth the price to sacrifice millions of people for Britain. If the thing with Poland is over with quickly this will take the carpet out from under their feet◦– or at least that is how I see it.
One of the orderlies[55] died suddenly the day before yesterday of meningitis, the same disease which claimed the Führer’s driver, if you remember Schreck. I heard some SS comrades say that he was only twenty-four: ‘It would have been better for him to have fallen in the field’. But one cannot pick and choose the way one is to die. There are many we know amongst the dead. The brother of Hans Junge, who was with the Leibstandarte, has also fallen…
On 26 September 1939 we returned to Berlin.
Chapter 7
The French Campaign
HITLER HAD MANY CONFERENCES with the military in April and May 1940, but none of the content seeped through into the Staircase Room. There was only a suspicion that some thing was in the wind. On the afternoon of 9 May 1940 we, the inner circle, were told to prepare to travel the same evening. The destination was not disclosed, nor could we discover how long we might be away. In response to my enquiry in this respect to Obergruppenführer Schaub, he said in a manner both secretive and showy: ‘It could be eight days, it could be fourteen days, it could be a month, but there again it could be years!’
55
This was Ernst Bahls (b. 29.7.1915 Rügen Is., d. 9.9.1939 Poland). 30.7.1934 joined LSSAH; 1.4.1936 SS-Junker; 20.4.1937 SS-Untersturmführer LSSAH; 20.3.1938 detached to Führer’s Adjutancy; 11.9.1938 Obersturmführer; died of meningitis aged twenty-four during the Polish campaign.