The things he talked about became gradually more flat and uninteresting. He no longer discussed the Church, racial problems, economic and political questions, about being Nordic and German, Ancient Greece or the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. He, who had always been so passionately interested in all matters of science, zoology, botany and human development spoke out in the latter months only on dog-training, nutrition and the stupidity and degeneration of the world.
The morning tea session usually went on for two hours. Afterwards Hitler would rise and drag himself to the dog’s box. Blondi had had puppies in March, and from the litter Hitler had selected a male puppy to raise and train himself. He would remove this animal from the box, sit in his room with the puppy in his lap, stroking it incessantly while muttering its name, Wolf. After a while he would return the puppy to its mother and take his leave of us to rest. This was latterly around 0800. It would not leave him much time for sleep, for the sirens would generally start up at about 1100. On the approach of enemy bombers he would always get up, for he feared that a bomb falling diagonally could penetrate and collapse the bunker wall. Since the bunker was below the water table, there was a danger that in such a case the water would rush in. Accordingly when enemy bombers were arriving he would dress fully and even shave. During an air raid alarm he would never remain alone in his room.
Dinner, usually between 2100 and 2200, was customarily an extended affair. The approach of enemy aircraft would often be announced during this period, when the wire and police network would be switched on. The radio channel broadcast a monotonous bleeping when not passing reports about the bombers. We used to sit listening to the bombs exploding, and there was never a day when the government district was spared. In the heavy air raid of 3 February 1945 fifty-eight HE bombs fell around the Reich Chancellery. Every time a bomb exploded in the vicinity, the bunker, lying in ground water, would tremble perceptibly. If the lights flickered, Hitler would say: ‘That was near. That bomb could have hit us!’
After the All-clear, he would at once request a damage report, and listen to it calmly without interrupting. The nightly situation conference would not begin until long after midnight, and would often last until dawn. Then the tea session would follow, he would play with the dogs and sleep a few hours until the next aerial intrusion, which would take us to lunch. Afterwards he would call the afternoon situation conference, and the whole game would begin again.
On Hitler’s fifty-sixth birthday on 20 April 1945, Berlin was surrounded, and the first Russian tanks reached the outskirts. We could hear the thunder of the field guns from the Reich Chancellery. The chorus of congratulations from the personal staff and the military that morning was very restrained in comparison to earlier years, whereas that of the Allies was much more impressive. The series of rolling air raids lasted from early morning until 0200 next day. We no longer left the bunker. According to the service roster, Johanna Wolf and I had to keep the boss company until lunch. The mood was very gloomy as we ate.
That evening during the bombing raid just before 2200 Johanna and I were summoned by Hitler. He received us in his room looking tired, pale and listless. The situation over the last four days had changed considerably, he told us. On 16 April at lunch in the Staircase Room when I asked him whether we would remain in Berlin he had replied almost involuntarily: ‘Of course we shall remain in Berlin. You need have no fear!’ I told him that I had no fears since I had come to terms with dying. However I could not imagine how Germany could carry on when our forces were being sandwiched ever more firmly between the Americans and the Russians. ‘Remain calm’, he went on in annoyance, ‘Berlin will remain German, we just have to gain time!’ Even in his last address to the Gauleiters on 24 February 1945 in Berlin he had informed them of his unshakeable conviction that ‘we must gain time!’
Now the tune had changed. ‘Over the last four days the situation has changed to such an extent that I find myself forced to disperse my staff. As you are the longest serving, you will go first. In an hour a car leaves for Munich. You may take two trunks, Reichsleiter Bormann will give you further instructions.’ Since I had no family I requested permission to stay in Berlin. This would allow my junior colleague to leave instead. Her mother lived in Munich. He would not accept this.
No, later I will found a resistance movement,[132] and for that I need you both. You are the most valuable people to me. If it comes to the worst, the young will always come through. Frau Christian (Dara) will in any case get away and if another of the younger girls fails to make it, that is Fate!
He did not take his leave of us as he usually did with a kiss to the hand, but gave us a handshake instead, probably his way of indicating that he would hear no further appeals and that the matter was closed. He must have noted our subdued mood for he added, perhaps in an attempt to comfort us: ‘We shall meet again, I am coming down in a few days!’ This order to abandon Berlin on 20 April 1945 was not what I had expected for myself, since I had already decided to use the cyanide capsule which Skorzeny had sold me for a bottle of whisky. Trevor Roper, the British historian, pretended to know my movements better than I did, for in the German language version of his book, Hitlers Letzte Tage[133] he wrote: ‘Two of Hitler’s secretaries, Fräulein Wolf and Fräulein Schroeder… fled on 22 April…’
I had always abhorred sudden and unexpected enforced journeys. This latest order by Hitler awoke in me far greater feelings of reluctance than ever before, and left me in a state of confusion. As if stunned I departed Hitler’s room to begin packing along with my colleague Wolf. None of my possessions was in storage. I had left several trunks in the west and east in 1944, and had them forwarded to me in Berlin at the beginning of 1945 before the Allied advance, on the basis of Hitler’s assurance that my things would be safest there.
On the way to the Voss-Strasse bunker, where we secretaries had a room for sleeping and storage, I saw armaments minister Speer in the telephone exchange. I told him of Hitler’s order and asked him then about Dr Brandt, whose fate concerned me greatly. Hitler had sentenced him to death for defeatism and he was being held prisoner in a Berlin villa. Speer told me: ‘We will spring him!’
The vestibule of the Voss-Strasse bunker was crowded with civilians from Voss-Strasse sheltering from the air raid. The room allocated to us was originally built as a transmitter room. I was very unhappy about the room, for the ceiling and walls were soundproofed and suppressed the tones of conversation. It was a dead room, oppressively quiet like a tomb.
The packing seemed senseless. Suddenly the telephone rang. It was Hitler. In a weak voice he said: ‘Children, the hole is closed up (we were to have driven through the Czech Protectorate). The car cannot go through and you will have to fly early tomorrow.’ He rang again after midnight: ‘Children, make ready, hurry, the machine will take off as soon as it is warmed up.’ His voice sounded flat, and he broke off halfway through the conversation. I called out, but although he had not hung up he made no reply. These were the only telephone calls from him I ever received in my twelve years of service…