“Looks like he kept falling,” she said.
I turned away, signaled for another beer.
“I’ve kept myself,” I said. “Troubles, but I’ve kept myself together. I don’t need sympathy.”
“That’s good. Sympathy’s not something I do well. We’ve all had bad times. Just because your childhood was one of privilege and potential, that doesn’t make your days any tougher than mine.”
“If you say.”
“Two ways to go, Jacob.” She drank her cheap bourbon slowly, wincing as she ran it around her mouth. “People who have trouble like yours can go two ways. They can get all morose and indignant, and crumble under the weight of their own tragedy. Or,” she whispered as she turned to face the bar. “They can adjust. Get stronger. Help themselves. Stand up for themselves. They become one of those two people. Strong or dead.”
“Which one of those people takes advice from whores in bars?” I asked.
She smiled, thin and tight. Her hands were twisted around her glass.
“Let’s say I don’t pound you for that, Jacob. Just this once. Those your friends?” she asked, nodding to my table.
I looked over. A rough bunch, all cheap coats and pilfered finery that was mismatched and smudged. I remembered that Marcus was there. He was looking at me kind of nervously. At the time it didn’t register. People were nervous around me, around my pewter eyes.
“That’s them.”
“Do you have any other friends?” she asked. I shook my head. “Really? From the Academy, the Council? All those years growing up, you didn’t make one friend.”
“They don’t talk to me anymore.”
“Dressed like that, it’s no surprise. And you don’t seek them out, do you?” She put her back to the bar and leaned on her elbows, looking out over the smoky vista of the room. “It’s safer down here, isn’t it? Folks like this, they don’t expect much of their friends. It’s hard to disappoint them.”
“You don’t know what the hell you’re saying, lady.”
She laughed. “I think I do. What drove you down here? Honestly. What puts a boy like you in a place like this? And don’t tell me cursed fate or your father.” She took a drink and winced. “People make choices. People stand up to them.”
“Pretty smart for a whore.”
“You keep saying that. You think it’s clever. I’m getting tired of it,” Drink, wince. “Not because it hurts for you to know my true nature. Not because you’ve shamed me. I’m getting tired of how clumsy it is. I really thought more of you. Thought you’d be better at this.”
I was quiet. I didn’t like the rocks she was flipping over, the scabs she was poking. It had taken me a while to get here, to drag myself up from the shit my life had become. I wouldn’t say I was happy, but I was content.
“What’re you getting at?”
“You think your old friends would talk to you again? If we got you cleaned up. Maybe buy you a pair of those smart pants that suit you so well. Could you mingle in those circles again?”
I looked at her harshly. She was smiling. She turned her face at me and winked.
“There are some people I know, Jacob. Friends. They’d like to have a friend in those circles.”
“I’m not that friend.” I shook my head, indicated the filthy bar. “If you haven’t noticed, I don’t walk in those circles anymore.”
“By choice,” she said. I started to protest, but she put a hand on my wrist. Fire rushed through me. “I know. You’ll say you were forced out. Shunned. But that’s just you, letting yourself collapse.”
“It’s not that easy,” I said.
“Nothing is. But I think, if we give you some money, a place to stay, a chance to clean up, that you’d be surprised how many of your old friends would come calling.”
“I don’t think so. Not the people I knew.”
“Well. You’re no longer the friend they knew, either. You’re something else. Something dangerous. And people in those circles, they like to have dangerous friends.”
“Maybe.”
“Believe me. I know.” She flashed a devious smile, almost angry. “The beautiful people like to have dangerous fucking friends.”
I looked back at my table, and the drunks and the criminals I’d spent the last two years around.
“What would I do?”
“Favors,” she said. “That’s how this whole thing works. Favors and friends.”
I nodded. Emily smiled, then hooked her arm around my elbow.
“Pay up, then let’s go see someone. A good friend. A particularly dangerous friend.”
“Who?”
“A man by the name of Valentine.”
My bones went cold, but I nodded and she led me out.
I woke up, startled, then stood. My chair clattered back, banging against the desk before spinning to the hardwood floor. Emily was looking at me, her eyes half-open.
“Dreaming?” she asked. Her voice was dry and harsh. I went to get some water, awkwardly aware of my rapidly softening erection. I ran my hands under the cold water from the tap, then brought Emily her glass.
“Yeah,” I said. “I think so.”
Emily pulled herself into a sitting position, wincing once then not putting any pressure on her injured arm. She drank some water.
“Anything good? Your dream?”
I shook my head, took the empty glass and set it on the desk.
“Are you feeling hungry?” I asked.
“Maybe.” She rubbed her eyes with one hand, then looked around the room. “Are we safe here?”
“No. Not completely. The owners could come back, or a neighbor could get curious and report us. But that hasn’t happened yet.” I went into the kitchen, wrapped some cold cured bacon into a roll and went back into the dining room. She was staring out the window. “Eat this.”
She took the sandwich and dutifully consumed it one mechanical bite at a time. When she was done I gave her more water, cut with what was left of the wine.
“Thanks,” she said, wiping her hands on the priceless virgin calfskin divan. “I owe you.”
“Probably not,” I said. “Just friends doing favors.”
She smiled.
“Is this how you think of this, Jacob? That I’m just a friend, doing you a favor, helping out with this problem of yours?”
I shrugged and turned away, busying myself with the plate and empty water glass. She gathered the blanket up under her breasts and leaned back, staring at the ceiling.
“Well,” she said, quietly, “I’m still grateful.”
I took the dishes back to the kitchen and put them into the sink. When I came back she was still staring at the ceiling.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Still shot. But better. What about you?”
I hadn’t thought about it. My ribs ached, and I realized there was a crushing pressure around my head. “I’m fine. Have you heard, Wilson says I can’t be killed.”
I ran my hand over her forehead. Her skin was cool and slightly moist. Her hair fell across her face, so I pushed it aside with one finger. She looked up at me with those watery brown eyes that hinted at red and gold.
“Jacob. Uh.” She bit her lip and looked over my shoulder. “I’m really sorry.”
“For getting shot?” I sat on the couch. “Yeah, I’m pretty sore at you for that. Inconsiderate.”
“No, no.” She put her hand on my chest, rubbed my collar between finger and thumb. “This whole thing. It’s such a complicated situation, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through it. I almost feel like, if I hadn’t sent you to the Heights, none of this would have happened.”
“Nah. That thing would have just come for me in the city. Maybe come for you, too. It’s not your fault.”
“Maybe. Still, I feel bad. And the last few years, Jacob. I know it’s been difficult for you.”
“What? Being thrown out of my wealthy family, living as a bandit? Nothing to it. And I’ve met some interesting people, at least.”
She laughed, then winced and deflated.
“Take it easy, Em. You’re not-”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I know it’s been difficult for you. With me, and Cacher.”
“Oh.” I straightened up. “Well, I mean. Yeah.”
“Yeah. It’s just a tough thing, Jacob. Cacher’s an important guy, and I need him. Him and Valentine, both.”
“I know.” I started to stand up. “Maybe you should try to get some more sleep. I can go get Wilson, probably.”