“I don't know.” She was impressed by everything he'd said. And she loved him more than ever. She wanted to go to him now, but she still felt she had to wait. But he was right too. It wasn't fair to expect him to wait forever.
“What sounds fair to you? A week? A month? A year? Do you want to give him a month after the baby's born, and just make sure via his attorneys that he still doesn't want any contact with the child? Does that sound reasonable?” He was trying to be fair, too, but she was driving him crazy.
“I'm not going to go back to him,” she explained. There was no longer any doubt in her mind. But sometimes Bill wasn't as sure. He still worried about it when she talked about being fair to him. And women were odd sometimes about the men who had fathered their children, they gave them more understanding, more leeway. It wasn't that way with men, who could never be entirely sure who their children were. But women could. They knew. And he wondered if in some ways, she would feel bound to Steven forever through their baby. He hoped not. But she couldn't answer that yet either. “It's just the baby, Bill …it's just …”
“I know … I know … I understand …you just scare me sometimes.” He sat down next to her on the bed and there were tears in his eyes now too. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said softly as he kissed her.
“Shall we give it a month then? A month after the baby's born. We contact the bastard after the baby comes, we give him a month to change his mind, and after that we forget him forever? Is that a deal?”
She nodded somberly. It sounded reasonable to her, and it was more than Steven deserved. He had signed the termination papers after all …termination …dissolution …it sounded almost like a murder, and in some ways it had been. In some ways what he had done to her had almost killed her. But on the other hand, Bill had saved her. And for that she would be eternally grateful. In truth, she owed Bill far more. And yet …Steven had been her husband. It was all so damn confusing. To whom did she owe the greatest loyalties? To whom did she owe the most? To Bill because he'd been there for her …and yet …she hated herself for feeling torn, but she did. In her heart, there was only one. But in her mind, there were always two. And that was the problem. But they had agreed on a month after the baby was born. And that seemed fair to her too. And after that, the door would be closed to Steven forever. For her, and the baby. He didn't even know it, but she was giving him a gift of time and choice that he hadn't even wanted.
“And then you'll marry me?” Bill pressed her, and she nodded with a shy smile. “Are you sure?” She nodded again, and then looked down demurely and spoke in a whisper.
“I have a confession to make first.”
“Oh, shit. Now what?” He was at his wits' end. It had been a long night and he was tired.
“I lied to you.” He was getting worried as she went on, barely able to look at him.
“About what?”
He could hardly hear the words as she confessed. “I'm not really a virgin.”
There was a long silence, and he scowled at her with a look of immense relief as she suppressed a giggle. “Slut!” he growled at her, and then, in spite of himself and the remorse he knew he would feel afterward, he made love to her again, and when it was over, they slept peacefully in each other's arms until morning.
ADRIAN HAD THE DAY OFF ON CHRISTMAS DAY, AND they stayed in bed for a long time, dozing and snuggling and then the phone rang at nine-fifteen. It was Adam and Tommy, calling from Stowe, where they were skiing with their mother. They were both excited and full of life, and after they hung up, Adrian smiled and wished Bill a merry Christmas. They both leapt out of bed, and went to their respective hiding places and came back with their arms laden with brightly wrapped presents. His were all wrapped by stores, and hers were wrapped the way she cooked. But he loved everything she gave him. He was crazy about the television and the phone, and he put the sweater on under a red leather baseball jacket she had bought him just two days before when she was walking down Melrose.
And she loved her presents too. He had bought her a beautiful green suede dress from Giorgio, for after the baby, and a Hermes bag, the black alligator “Kelly” one she had coveted every time they walked past there. And books, and a pair of funny pink shoes with watermelons on them, and three beautiful nightgowns and a robe for when she had the baby. And he had bought her all kinds of silly little trinkets, a gold key chain, and an antique pen, and a Mickey Mouse watch that she loved, and a book of poetry that said everything she felt for him. She was crying by the time she had finished opening all of it, and he looked immensely pleased by her reaction. And then he disappeared again, and returned with a small box wrapped in turquoise paper and white satin ribbon.
“Oh, no, not more!” She hid her face in the black leather gloves he had bought her at Gucci. They had little red bows on them and she loved them. “Bill, you can't!”
“You're right.” He grinned. “I won't, and I didn't. But just for the hell of it, why don't you open this one?” But as she looked at it, she was afraid to. Instinct told her that this one was a biggie. “Go on …don't be so chicken. …” With trembling fingers, she opened it, and found first a cardboard box in the same blue as the paper with Tiffany written across it. And then, a heavy black suede box within it. And slowly, slowly, she opened it, and gasped. It was a diamond band, made of baguettes, and she sat staring at it in wonder. “Go on, silly.” He took it from her gently. “Put it on … if it fits …” He knew that her hands were slightly swollen, and he had guessed at her ring size. But when he slipped it on for her, it fit perfectly.
“Oh, my God …oh, Bill …” She sat looking at him in disbelief, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “It's so beautiful, but …” She had already told him the other day that she wasn't ready yet to get married. And it was a very handsome wedding ring, the kind a few lucky women get after twenty years of marriage. But his show had just won yet another award, and she knew that although he was discreet about it, it was making a fortune, so he could afford it.
“I thought you should look respectable when you go to the hospital. So it's actually an engagement ring, but I thought it was prettier than a big rock, and this way,” he said shyly as he looked at her, “it'll look kind of married. I'll get you a plain gold one if you want when we get married.” It was beautiful, and she loved it. And she loved him even more. He was incredible. And as she looked at the ring on her left hand, she was dazzled. She had taken her gold wedding ring off finally, two months before, because it had gotten too small for her as her hands swelled, and in spite of her condition, it no longer seemed appropriate to wear it.