Simon shrugged. “It was a horrible thing to happen, and I understand your reluctance to deal with Lidell before you’re certain the pregnancy will come to term. But I also think you prefer to ignore what makes you uncomfortable in favor of concentrating on things that bring you joy.
Sometimes to the detriment of everyone around you and to your own goals.
You did that with Nathan. You’re doing it with Adrien and with Lidell.”
“I want to be happy, too, Simon. Am I not allowed a little of that? After all I’ve been through with Nathan and losing him, after dealing with Lidell and Ned’s misery-inducing complaints and problems for years, and after giving up my dreams of being an architect to run a musty old family estate, don’t I deserve to wallow in some pleasure and joy?”
Simon’s jowls jiggled again as he seemed to work out a suitable reply. “I always wish for your joy, but you bring much of that pain on yourself by refusing to face and deal with it from the start. If you’d accepted Nathan for who he was, hadn’t tried to change him, or if—”
“Don’t!” Heath said, putting out his hand to stop the unwanted flow of words. “I’m late.”
“By refusing to hear me out, you’re doing exactly what I’m saying you shouldn’t: ignoring pain in hopes that it will simply go away if you don’t attend to it.”
Heath turned on his heel, left Simon sighing in the entryway, and stomped out into the sun again. The car was waiting for him, and he pulled away from Clearwater Castle with his pulse thrumming.
Heath just wanted peace. Was that too much to ask? He wanted to spend the next few months of Adrien’s pregnancy enjoying the simple things, learning the man’s body and mind, hearing stories of his past, and maybe, just maybe starting to spin some hopes for their future.
Reality had a place in the future. He would eventually have to inform his brother and Ned about the changes in their fortunes, but there was no need to rush it. As for talking to Adrien about Nathan, obviously there would come a
day when he would need to explain. After all, if they did build something together, if their paths intertwined as a couple in the future, there would be no way to prevent Adrien from meeting Heath’s friends and family, all of whom would see the resemblance immediately.
But there was no need to rush that. They had months still, and Adrien was in the early stages of his pregnancy. There was no need to upset him just yet.
For a fleeting moment, Heath wondered how much it would cost him to bribe all of his friends and family to simply forget that Nathan had ever existed and to embrace Adrien without revealing the truth. But even he knew that was impossible.
The question of when to tell Adrien was an important one; the timing would need to be just right. He’d never intended for his heart to get involved or to even entertain the idea of Adrien being in his life going forward. He still wasn’t sure it would even play out that way. Adrien was easy to be with, and he’d taken to being cared for like a duck to water, but pregnancy hormones make all omegas pliant, amiable. Don’t they?
Heath scrubbed a hand over his face, wishing that he had simply told Adrien up front. Then there would be no question at all. Why hadn’t he foreseen that living with a pregnant, beautiful, willing, open-hearted, innocent omega might wake his heart from its slumber? It seemed obvious in retrospect.
All he knew for sure was that now was not the time to stir the pot.
Drawing up to the glittering high-rise where his first appointment of the day awaited, Heath straightened his tie and tried to pull his thoughts together.
Damn Simon for getting him riled up after such a blissful morning spent cuddling naked with Adrien, laughing and licking fresh fruit juice out of his ripe, red mouth.
As he stepped out of the car, he nodded firmly. Simon was right in one way: everyone would have to know the truth eventually. But he was wrong in another: no one needed to know right now.
Heath made his choice.
Confession could wait.
Chapter Fifteen
ADRIEN RAN HIS hand along the wall of concrete tunnel between the door that led to the larger part of the castle, back down to his bedroom, and out to the living room. Simon was in the garden pruning the roses, and he was inside wearing the soft, light robe that Heath had bought for him. Underneath, he was naked as a jaybird. The robe fluttered around his calves as he made what was becoming his daily meditative walk.
He turned around and headed back up the tunnel, his fingers trailing in and out of different colors of light funneled in from the high windows and the skylights above. Amber light, golden light, a creamy white that made his pale fingers look white as milk. He counted the steps as he walked, making a little song in his head.
The tunnel was comforting. It smelled of trapped cooking scents, usually whatever Simon had made that morning. Today, it smelled of freshly baked bread, yeasty and delicious, warm and homey. The day before it had smelled of peaches. He wasn’t sure what he found so perfect about light in the tunnel, but it was mesmerizing to him. He could walk the tunnel over and over, but the light was never the same twice, shifting as the sun moved outside and the angles changed too.
His two favorite places were the garden, with all the roses of different colors and scents, and the tunnel. In both places, he could relax his mind, breathe in and out, and simply let all the worries, questions, nagging concerns slip away like so much flotsam.
“You look beautiful in that light, little one.”
Heath’s voice brought Adrien out of his reverent study of the light, and he smiled to see his alpha standing at the end of the hallway. “You look handsome in that suit.” He waggled his brows as Heath strode to join him. “I want to rub all over it.”
Heath grabbed him in a kiss, and Adrien did just that, brushing his sensitive skin against the material that smelled so strongly of his alpha. It was a good, soft wool suit, made with quality and care. In his infatuation with
Heath’s suits, Adrien thought that when he returned to school, he might change his study focus from the cultural meaning in the design choices of Hontu handwoven fabrics and material art to studying the cultural meaning attached to the design of men’s suits. But that was bordering on a fashion focus and not an artistic one, not to mention it felt a bit fetishistic, given his current reaction to Heath in a suit.
“A quick fuck before dinner?” Adrien begged.
“No,” Heath said, a quiver of amusement in his voice. “First, a walk in the garden, conversation, and then we’ll bond our flesh.”
“But I want you.” Adrien flicked what he hoped was a sexy look from beneath his lashes.
Heath growled. “I want you too, but you’ll follow my commands.
Understand?”
Adrien’s knees went weak. He loved following Heath’s commands.
Though he couldn’t say just why, exactly. It made him feel safe, like he had when he was a child and his father told him what to do, how to think, and what to feel. Eventually, that had chafed when he hit adolescence, and he’d found his father’s commanding attitude stifling. But now, pregnant and ripening, a little frightened but willing to trust Heath, he found his commands intoxicating.
So he gave in to them without too much thought.