“Call me and let me know if you find out anything.”
“I will. You, too.”
She snapped the phone shut and pressed her hands against her churning stomach. Dear God. He had to be all right. Had to be. Every time a firefighter was called to duty they risked injury and even death. But the rewards…helping people, saving lives, tipped the scales. Made the risks worthwhile. She understood all too well what drove Brad to be a firefighter. But the thought of him injured-or worse-rendered her unable to catch her breath.
She glanced at the clock-10:00 a.m. Brad’s shift had ended three hours ago. Murmuring fervent prayers that he was all right, she dialed his home phone which clicked immediately to voice mail. She listened to his recorded message and the sound of his voice brought tears to her eyes. Dear God, what if he was one of the injured firefighters? She couldn’t bring herself to carry that question any further. After leaving a brief message to please call her right away, she dialed his cell phone. Once again his voice mail came on and again she left a message.
The instant she clicked her phone shut, Toni began tossing her things into her overnight bag. She needed answers. Now. And they weren’t here in Santa Barbara.
10
INSISTENT POUNDING and buzzing sounds roused Brad from a deep sleep. With a groan he lifted one heavy eyelid. Bright sunshine filtered through the blinds, slipping over his bed where he sprawled facedown-in the exact position he’d fallen after he’d dragged his exhausted ass home after a long, tension-fraught shift.
He tried to ignore the noise, but it quickly became apparent whoever was banging on his door and leaning on the doorbell wasn’t going to give up.
With a muttered curse and a herculean effort he pushed himself up, wincing at the stiffness in his neck. Since he’d only managed to toe off his sneakers before collapsing onto the bed, he was already fully dressed. Good thing, because he wasn’t operating on enough cylinders to do anything as complicated as pulling on a pair of jeans.
“All right, all right,” he grumbled, making his way to the foyer. “I’m coming.” More than a little annoyed, he yanked open the door. “What do you…” His voice trailed off at the sight of Toni. Toni, who sported a wicked case of bedhead, no makeup and tear-streaked cheeks.
Damn, but she was gorgeous.
She stepped into the foyer, teasing his senses with the scent of flowers that always came with her. He closed the door and turned to face her. One look at her and all the anger he’d felt the day before faded away. He wasn’t sure why she was here, but whatever the reason, he was damn glad for it. Her gaze zoomed over him, then her bottom lip trembled and two fat tears dripped from her huge eyes. “You’re okay,” she said in a shaky voice.
“I’m glad you think so. I think you’re okay, too. Better than okay actually, but-”
“I mean, you’re not hurt. You weren’t injured in the fire last night.”
Understanding dawned. “No. It was two other guys. But they’re both fine-treated and released.”
She briefly closed her eyes. “Thank God. I called the hospital but they wouldn’t tell me anything, so I came here. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to see your pickup in the driveway.” She pulled in an unsteady breath. “When I heard about the injured firefighters I thought…” She swallowed and another pair of tears dribbled downward. “I had a terrible feeling it was you. I was so afraid.”
“I’m fine. But I appreciate the concern.” The fact that she was here, had been worried about him, ignited hope that only hours ago had been dead. Reaching out, he brushed his fingers over her wet cheeks, a gesture that only served to bring on a fresh onslaught of tears. “Hey,” he said, feeling masculine panic edging in. “No crying. Seriously. House rules.”
A sob escaped her, followed by another. “Ah, hell, Toni, don’t do that.” But clearly it was too late because in a heartbeat she was crying in earnest. An anguished sound escaped her and she erased the distance between them. Her arms went around his waist and she buried her head against his chest and cried as if her heart were breaking.
Feeling utterly helpless, but glad for any excuse to hold her, he drew her tighter into his embrace and gently rubbed her back.
“Shh,” he murmured against her wildly messed hair. “I’m fine. Completely fine. All in one piece.” Several minutes passed, then, unable to take it anymore, he cupped her face in his hands and leaned back. “Toni, sweetheart, please stop crying. You’re killing me.”
She looked up him with those big wet brown eyes, and whatever tiny piece of his heart she hadn’t already owned was instantly deeded to her.
She gave a big sniffle then said, “I’m an idiot.”
He couldn’t stop the quick laugh that escaped him. “You are not.”
“I am. I pushed you away and that makes me an idiot. A miserable idiot. I didn’t know it was possible to hurt so much until you walked away yesterday morning. And then again this morning-when I thought you were hurt. That’s when I realized it.”
“Realized what?”
“That I’m an idiot.” She framed his face between her palms. “I’m sorry. So sorry. I do care about you. So much it scares me. In the interest of full disclosure, I need to tell you I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Ever.”
Brad closed his eyes for several seconds, letting the relief rushing through him wash away the pain and hurt that had been crushing his chest. “In the interest of full disclosure, I can only say I’m really glad and relieved that it’s not just me.”
She rested one hand on his chest, right over the spot where his heart thudded hard and fast. “When I made the mistake with the order…I felt everything I’d been fighting for and working so hard for slipping away and I panicked. I believed the only solution was to push you away. So I did. And nothing, ever, made me more unhappy.”
He brushed his thumbs over her wet cheeks then leaned down and kissed her very gently. “I’m glad.”
“That I was unhappy?”
“Yes. Because if you’d been happy, then you wouldn’t be here right now.”
She considered, then nodded. “True. In that case I’ll forgive you for being glad I was sad.”
His lips twitched. “Thank you.” Then Brad sobered. “I owe you an apology, too. I know I was rushing things, pushing you, and I’m sorry. I tried not to, but Toni…everything with you just felt so…right. But I can back off. We’ll take things as slowly as you want. And you can have as much time as you need. You’re worth the wait.”
She laid her hand against his cheek. “Thank you. But I’ve realized I don’t want or need time. Yesterday, when you asked me what I wanted for my life outside Blooming Pails-the question startled me. Made me realize I hadn’t allowed myself to think about anything other than my business. So I took some time and thought about it. And I realized I want companionship. With someone honest and kind. I want someone to share my life and hopes and dreams with. Someone to laugh with. Someone who makes me feel needed. Wanted. Who I need and want.” She stroked her fingers over his stubbled jaw. “Turns out that except for the firefighter thing, you are exactly what I want. And it turns out, I can live with the firefighter thing.”
Heat, and something else, something deeper, glowed in his eyes. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that.”
“And I want you to know that I would have come to my senses eventually-like by the end of the day. I was halfway there already. But when I heard about the injured firefighters, it made me realize right then and there that I’d been-”
“An idiot?”
“Yes.” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you going to rub my nose in that?”
He smiled at her disgruntled expression. “Nah. I’m just glad you figured it out sooner rather than later.” He leaned in for another kiss, one he meant to be light, but that quickly turned into a passionate, tongue-dancing exchange. When he lifted his head, they were both breathing hard.